Making a large purchase without your SO's approval (boyfriend, woman, single)
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Why would I want to? Most of our bills are our bills.
Just saying that maybe if both couples had their own money then maybe there wouldn't be so much arguing over making purchases.I've heard that arguements do usually start in a relationship.
Just saying that maybe if both couples had their own money then maybe there wouldn't be so much arguing over making purchases.I've heard that arguements do usually start in a relationship.
I do agree that having your own money is a good thing; my husband and I have personal accounts in addition to the joint account. I just don't like the idea that it's all separate and personal. The two couples who have told me that they keep everything separate both fight about money, but that could happen regardless, I know.
My in-laws have separate accounts. My mother-in-law makes more than my father-in-law, plus she inherited a lot of money. She has a joint account with her father but not her husband, which I find odd. I've been at their house a few times when my father-in-law has needed some cash ($40 for takeout food, stuff like that) and she always comments, "You're paying me back, right?" and sometimes, "Remember that you still owe me $20 from last time." I would find that humiliating. She's always been very tightfisted about money, though.
I've been at their house a few times when my father-in-law has needed some cash ($40 for takeout food, stuff like that) and she always comments, "You're paying me back, right?" and sometimes, "Remember that you still owe me $20 from last time." I would find that humiliating. She's always been very tightfisted about money, though.
I would forgive an affair more easily than I would forgive this type of behavior. I also wouldn't dream of treating my wife like this. I think an attitude like this is grounds for a divorce.
I could see some major purchases being made without first consulating the other half. Especially if they both work and have a large amount of extra income, or if it was a major purchase they have talked in general about for awhile and the perfect deal came up.
However, this is a timeshare! If he was so opposed to it, who is going to vacation with her???
As far as bills/accounts, my husband and I had joint checking, separate savings for three years before marrying, and about one year after marrying (but only because we were too lazy to change it and then we moved and set it up as joint everything). There were times when he mostly supported us and times when I mostly supported us. It all works out in the end. I am a SAHM now, but I still spend money as needed/as allowed by our budget. I wouldn't be able to stand a marriage with a man who saw lines between what was his and what was mine. Now, our house is only in my husband's name, which we joke about, and our car is only in my name. Always has been. But we don't see it as "The car is mine." It just happens to be how title was drawn up.
I would forgive an affair more easily than I would forgive this type of behavior. I also wouldn't dream of treating my wife like this. I think an attitude like this is grounds for a divorce.
The asking for cash, or the comments about the cash?
They are both weird about money. I could write a book.
Surely the fact that a married couple may elect to each keep his or her own separate bank accounts, shouldn't necessarily mean that their marriage together is doomed to inevitable failure though??
I mean I had thought that "separate bank accounts", was just one other option that some couples decide on together? (I wouldn't know; I've never been married myself?)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Okay. First thing's first. Whenever a couple talks about "My Money" and "His/Her Money," then the marriage is doomed. Period. Finite. Maybe not this week. Maybe not this year. But it's going to happen.
Marriages don't work that way. Either you're all in or you're not in at all. Setting your own money aside is the equivalent of keeping your options open.
Moving on, money problems destroy more marriages than infidelity. If you and your SO do not agree to the major purchases before they are made, it is a prescription for resentment that will fester. Don't do it, no matter how much you want whatever it is.
It's her money of course, to do what she pleases with, but...gee, is it really worth it at all, I mean for that amt. of money though?
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama
Some of you may know that my husband has a temporary job of selling vacation packages. He hates it (although he is great at it), but it's bringing us income nevertheless.
Anyway, today he made a deal with a couple who is still in their honeymoon stage. He told me that throughout the entire presentation, the husband was not on board with it. He was huffing and puffing and rushing his wife to leave and when his wife decided to buy, the husband even left the room during the closing. The wife said: "It's my money and I can do whatever I want with it".
What do you guys think about this situation? I'm kind of split here. In the way I think she should have consulted more with him, but on the other hand, she can buy whatever she wants if it's her money. FYI: she only put her name on the deal and it's an 8000 dollars purchase.
She is something. Who cares if it's her money? It's their honeymoon, their vacation.
In my marriage there is no "my" money/"his" money, but I'm certain there are circumstances, like in a second marriage, where it exists. Yet, it should only apply to anything that isn't directly related to their relationship. She can buy herself whatever clothes she wants, jewelry, gifts to her kids and grandkids, etc., but not wield it like a weapon to force him into doing whatever she wants. If they are only in the Honeymoon stage of their marriage, this doesn't bode well for the future of their marriage.
Lastly, this whole drama played out in front of your husband is equally wrong. People that put-down or one-up their SO's in public like that have no respect for them, IMO.
Some of you may know that my husband has a temporary job of selling vacation packages. He hates it (although he is great at it), but it's bringing us income nevertheless.
Anyway, today he made a deal with a couple who is still in their honeymoon stage. He told me that throughout the entire presentation, the husband was not on board with it. He was huffing and puffing and rushing his wife to leave and when his wife decided to buy, the husband even left the room during the closing. The wife said: "It's my money and I can do whatever I want with it".
What do you guys think about this situation? I'm kind of split here. In the way I think she should have consulted more with him, but on the other hand, she can buy whatever she wants if it's her money. FYI: she only put her name on the deal and it's an 8000 dollars purchase.
Is it really "her" money or is this just another case of what I earn is mine and what he earns is "ours"?
Another angle: She may make this big purchase without his OK but the 100s of smaller ones can add up too.
I've known a number of divorced guys who were constantly sideswiped in their marriage by the surprise o/s credit card balances. This happens to women too, (my mother, for instance) but in my opinion, it is mainly the problem of the main wage earner male.
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Seriously.
$8,000 purchase?
