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Oooh, let's institute a marriage-readiness test. If you can pass it at 20, great, get married. If it takes you until 35, too bad, you'd better wait until then.
Test #2 will come when you desire to expand your family and have a child.
Heh! Yeah, I always say, "If you need to pass a test to drive a car..."
Mostly facetiously.
Mostly.
The reason I toss out age 30 is because so many people still live with their parents well into their 20s these days. I'm convinced that if you haven't lived on your own for a few years, you're giving yourself a huge disadvantage in attempting to have a mature relationship and marriage.
Any Parent that wishes their child a long life of misery married to the wrong man long after they have been put in the ground, In this day and age is just selfish and in all honesty, a Deal-breaker. Time for her to separate from her parents..I don't care what country their from.
I agree. Giving a child a life doesn't give you the right to take it away from him/her later! We all have one life on this Earth and no one, absolutely no one, can ask you to sacrifice it for them.
There's a great poem by Kahlil Gibran relevant to this subject.
Your Children are not Your Children
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
if I were queen and dictator for a day, no one would be allowed to get married or have kids until they are 30. I just don't think most 20-somethings have the necessary maturity for such things these days--at least judging by some of the nitwits on this board.
Yes because everyone is the same and everyone reaches the same maturity levels at the same ages.
Ok fine people here's the deal. My friend has a serious problem with a relationship he is in and since i don't know what to tell him i need some input. The background is he and his girlfriend are in a serious relationship and have been together for like 6 months. They both claim to love each other and have perfect chemistry. Really they seem like a perfect couple husband and wife to me and others from the outside. Here's the problem his girlfriend's parents believe in arranged marriages. Well i have little understanding of this but he tells me that his girl's parents have found an amicable match and want their daughter to marry this guy they have found. What complicates the situation further is that my friend was getting ready to propose to this girl. The girl is really messed up over the issue b/c she dosen't want to leave my friend but she also dosen't want her parents to hate her. I think it might be a classic case of religious or personal beliefs of one's family getting in the way of two people that are in love. I just found out about this today and i haven't a clue what advice to give my friend, what does everyone think about this, what should my friend do here, he is really stressed out about this b/c he dosen't want to lose his incredible girlfriend?
Where have I heard this before.....?
Oh yes!!! The Titanic movie!!!
Well...if he can save her from a sinking ship without dying then he wins.
Seriously though...I have never heard of this in the states.
Have her move out and then she can do what she wants without the influence of her parents. You have to respect them. Until she is 18 years of age she has no say. Once she is of legal age she can move out and do whatever she wants.
Too bad for her parents. They will have to get over it. Be happy for her and move on. They won't hate her. She may not be in the will and if that is the case and they are rich....too bad for her.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,007,791 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
Where have I heard this before.....?
Oh yes!!! The Titanic movie!!!
Well...if he can save her from a sinking ship without dying then he wins.
Seriously though...I have never heard of this in the states.
Have her move out and then she can do what she wants without the influence of her parents. You have to respect them. Until she is 18 years of age she has no say. Once she is of legal age she can move out and do whatever she wants.
Too bad for her parents. They will have to get over it. Be happy for her and move on. They won't hate her. She may not be in the will and if that is the case and they are rich....too bad for her.
No? Not even the time--not that long ago--where the father killed the daughter for dishonoring him? Yes, here. It was acceptable in their culture so that's his defense here. People from other countries come over here and continue in their own native ways all the time. They don't instantly become Americanized.
Learning the language is one thing. Imagine moving over there and suddenly changing everything like that. Social whiplash. But you're right, if they're from here and this is going on, someone definitely needs to stand up to their parents.
Heh, I wouldn't move to another state without checking out the laws and culture and spending some time there, never mind another country. That's no guarantee, of course. I just don't get how anyone could move to another country and expect the same ol' same ol'. Political asylum aside, what would be the point of settling somewhere new for good if you don't want to be part of the culture, at least on the big ticket items like letting your kids marry who they want? I know people who fled from places where there are arranged marriages because they felt it was wrong, just to protect their kids from it. Interestingly enough, these are folks with daughters.
I suppose there are all kinds of exceptions--maybe the father works for an international conglomerate and they're only here for a couple of years, maybe she's here for her education and the man the parents want to arrange the marriage with is back in the "motherland," etc. There's a lot we don't know about the situation, so I'm just filling in the blanks in an American-centric way.
Have her move out and then she can do what she wants without the influence of her parents.
"Have her move out"? There's nothing that the OP can do. She's his friend's girlfriend. This dilemma is so far removed from the OP that there's nothing that we can even advise. This is not between the OP and his friend, nor even between the friend and his girlfriend. It's between the girlfriend and her parents.
Yes because everyone is the same and everyone reaches the same maturity levels at the same ages.
Better make it 40, just to be safe. By the time people are 40, they usually know how to detect humor, and humor is required for any successful relationship.
Better make it 40, just to be safe. By the time people are 40, they usually know how to detect humor, and humor is required for any successful relationship.
Sadly I think you have put the age level too low for the majority of people. Back to the annual marriage license proposal.
To the OP. I would simply support your friend and stay out of giving much advice. Good or bad. It has a habit of coming back to haunt you.
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