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I think a 20 year age gap is too much but then you get the people in the actual relationship who state that "I(my partner) look young (acts mature)/very active blahblahblah for my (their) age to some how justify that age difference LOL. Then again you only live once so go for it but if the age difference is too much then stop seeing her.
I agree, a 20 year age gap is a lot. It was an interesting thing for me, I enjoyed it and had a good time, no regrets and only good memories from it. But once was enough... I don't think I'd go as far as 20 years upward again...
The reason I "justify" it by saying she was fairly fit etc is comments like "was it better with her teeth in or out?". People seem to piture 40 year old women as overweight trailertrash women with teeth-problems, which is hardly the case for those who take good care of themselves.
If a woman (or man for that matter) have been drinking now and then for 25 years when they reach forty, been eating unhealthy, maybe even smoked a couple of years etc then yes, they will most likely not be very attractive, while a woman who does take good care of her health etc will have a good chance at keeping a lot of "youth" in her appearance.
In my university class of 140 students we have 2 girls who are noticeably overweight... I'd be surprised if either of them are physically attractive at 40. (oh and no there isn't any need to start pointing out the personality angle as people always do)
But your average 50 year old man is no Bruce Willis in the looks department. So it is not like the average 50 year old man is getting plenty of sex from women in their 20s and 30s, unless that average 50 year old man is lowering his standards and going for ugly/fat women in their 20s and 30s.
A close friend of mine married the girl of his dreams a year and a half ago. He was 55 at the time and she turned 30 a few days after the wedding. She is absolutely stunning. They are very much in love. I spent time with them just this past weekend, and they are very happy together.
I'm not saying this would work well for everyone, but it works for them.
Conversely, here's another story. I have a girlfriend who's 50, and early last year she ended a 2-year love affair with a man 19 years her junior. She truly loved him, but didn't feel right about the age difference. She let him go because she felt he deserved to have a partner who was young and able to give him children. It broke both their hearts to sepaparate, but both have since healed, he has met someone his own age, and he plans to marry and have a family with his new lady.
I guess what I'm saying is that, while it's possible for a relationship to work out between people who are 20 years apart, it may not always be wise to go that route. Every situation is different, and you just have to weigh the pros and cons and both go into such a relationship with your eyes wide open.
I know, but men are just not nurturers... Many of them even leave wives of the same age or younger when they get ill! They're simply more selfish. Also, many of them do age better. I just have hard time picturing a man at 50 and a woman at 70... A good-looking man and/or a man who has a lot to offer at 50 can get women in their 30s or even 20s!
Lol, how can you say that men are not nurturing sierra? What about single fathers with primary custody of their children; are they not nurturers?
Men can certainly be loving, and nurturing, and affectionate...to both their wives and to their children
I agree. If a woman says a man is not a nurturer, I assume they've been burned by men in past relationships.
Most men that I have known very well in my life have been very nurturing. Maybe I've just been lucky or just surrounded myself with men who have this (and other positive) qualities.
It was a cute phase when I was a teen crushing on older teachers and the such. But haven't been in that territory in quite a while. Interesting read nonetheless.
my boyfriend and I are 21 years different in age. It was good and even great for the first two years but now 6 years into it. I can't stand him most of the time. I want to stop the relationship but he just will not listen to me. He is 33 and I'm 54. I think when it's a guy that much younger it's a mom thing. His mom is so jealous of me and hates my guts. But then again my son who is his age has had issues too with him. I fell for the I want to grow old with you line accept I did remind him I'm already 20 + years ahead of him. THe next month I am finding out he is cheating behind my back with a guy friends soon to be ex-wife. We got through that one after he denied the affair for 12 months but kept it going until she moved. His excuse was he thought I was with my ex a few times. My other son went into the Marines and so I saw my ex at the Graduation and the whole family stayed in San Diego for the weekend. I slept in my own room and my ex stayed in his own room. This excuse was so far fetched. My 33 yr old Bfriend just can't grasp things like I know things to be. It's one thing to live it and quite another just coming into a stage of life fresh out of young adulthood. You only know what you've lived so far and seeing others living their life ahead of us doesn't usually make us focus on the differences the age makes. We tend to bury our heads in the sand about unpleasant things. Not wanting to even deal with it-so lets pretend it ain't so. We only will embrace it or face it when someone super close forces us to be involved (caring day in and day out for a parent dying of cancer) We can live it with them cuz forced to but we still aren't the one with cancer so we still limited on our knowledge of what it's like to be told you have cancer, loved ones reactions, treatments, dying, fears, preparing for the end of your life.) What I'm saying is I know he thinks right now that he doesn't want a traditional lifestyle. I thought I knew what I wanted at 33 and thought I wouldn't change my ways or my beliefs on things. But twenty years later I find I've changed A LOT!!!
AND I KNOW 20 YRS FROM NOW I'LL HAVE CHANGED SOME MORE. AND HE WILL CHANGE A LOT TOO. we are a society that worships outward beauty and youth over inner beauty and growing older, I don't want to spend my last years on earth alone. It's easier now than it would be at 70 to find a companion my age or just say 5 years younger than I am. Whats sexy about menopause? NOT A DAMN THING! True, I have no fears of pregnancy so I'm going to it that one thing as the one plus sign about menopause. Other than that it's got to be the worst time of a woman's life if she involved with a man (boy) 20 years younger than her. Before menopause I WAS really easy going. I let stuff go because I knew I'd be away from the person soon and after that I would then choose to put myself in same room with them at a later date or I would choose to not. Most of the time though I just saw times of challenging people as learning times and observation was what my job was. I use to be entertained by people. I am open to people having unique lifestyles, beliefs, goals, jobs, skill's, motivations. But since menopause I can't control my mood swings. I've never been unstable before. I know that really I am not unstable but it appears that way because it really catches me off guard. I more I try to control myself the worse I get. What dude is looking for that in a woman? i think it's also my resentment that I've thought about him in this situation. I told him he will want to marry and have kids later and we should part now as friends and not ruin the good memories we have. But he insists on coming around and he plays games. Clearly he only thinks about himself. Yes, he will change and mature I know but it is needed to be now!!!! I don't have time to wait for change and growth that might not happen. I'm so not attracted to him anymore and resent him wasting my time. I've thought about finding him a new chick. How many of you think that's a good way to get rid of him? Look, why would a 33 yr old guy who could get chicks his own age, who would have more things in common, not be hip to his game yet, and sleep with them too. prefer to do his thing with someone who has slept with way more people than they have ( more milage on the private parts), and who has wrinkles and grand kids, about to start collecting social security, gets senior discounts at movies and "DENNY'S", All her friends have blue hair, and she still gets hot flashes, owns an AARP card, aches and every day wakes up with major pains, and to top things off gets mail from the company selling the staircase lift for those who can't climb stairs.
I'm 23 years older than my boyfriend. We've lived together for about six years now. He's 29 and I'm 52. But everyone says I look in my thirties. And being Chinese, I probably will continue to age very well. I also don't act like a 50 year old. I'm very comfortable in the company of my co-workers in their 20's. I'm interested in motorsports, so I get along great with young men. My boyfriend has never been creeped out by our age difference. Being best friends with so many interests, and then becoming lovers came very naturally to us. Well there was a brief hesitation about crossing the line into romance, but it was only because we valued our friendship so much, and didn't want to lost it in case the romance fell apart.
One of the reasons my boyfriend finds me so appealing is because we are both intellectuals, value logical thinking and commonsense. He loves that I drive well. He finds the women his age silly creatures.
His mom is just a couple years older than me. And her second husband is 15 years older than she is. But his mom just acts and dresses a lot older than I do. I live the same way I did when I was in my twenties. I don't wear makeup, I keep my hair long, my fingernails short, and I prefer wearing t-shirts, blue jeans and sneakers. At work, many of the guests think that I am a grad student.
I suppose it also helps that my boyfriend has a sister that is older than he is by eight years. And I look younger than she does.
I know at least three other successful marriages where the woman is much older than the man. In two of those cases, the women are Japanese and the men are white. Asian women tend to age very well.
In your case, try to forget her age. People are not defined by the number of years they have lived. And hopefully, you are attracted to her because you have many interests in common, and not just because you are physically attracted to her. And hopefully also, she lives a healthy lifestyle so that she will continue to age well.
However, I feel that if you are really bothered by her age, and struggling so much with the age gap right now, perhaps you should take a timeout from the relationship until it doesn't bother you. It's not fair to her to continue to see her as she will get more emotionally attached to you. And you should talk to her about your concerns. If she only wants a short term fling with you, then go for it. But if she was hoping for something more, then cut her loose.
I think that a good relationship has to feel right and natural without any effort in order for it to succeed. If you are feeling creeped out even just a little, then don't do this. There are plenty of other single women out there. Find one that you can love without any reservations.
Woah can't imagine dating someone 20 years older, that's only 3 year younger than my mom lol.If I date 20 years younger I would go to jail lol.
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What about single fathers with primary custody of their children; are they not nurturers? 
Woah can't imagine dating someone 20 years older, that's only 3 year younger than my mom lol.If I date 20 years younger I would go to jail lol.
