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I agree, if the OP were a woman, perhaps the answers would be different
I am pretty sure they would be different. If it was a woman who started this I can see comments telling her to dump him, look for someone else, he's not a real man, he should take care of his debts before marrying her, he's a bum, and so on. Just like in other threads.
Aaaaanyways, if it was a woman who had heavy credit card debts from her crazy brand shoe and brand purses shopping sprees then that should give you an idea of how she is when it comes to being financially responsible. Sure, some might argue that he should take care of those expenses too even if those are debts from her crazy shopping sprees (brand shoes and purses, etc.) because that is what a gentleman and real man does, he should love her and take care of her, and so on but personally, that would raise a red flag.
In this case, it is a student loan. If she is the kind of woman who will really contribute to your relationship thanks to you taking care of her while she was studying, then, why not if its going to benefit your marriage, right?
You don't drive to work thinking "What if I hit a tree?". You drive carefully but its not like you have that thought on the back of your mind. Same thing with relationships but then again, divorce is so high and it would totally disappoint to be the one who finances her career only to have her walk away from the relationship without any debts and with a diploma thanks to you while you are left in debt. Relationships have a more than 50% chance of ending in divorce. You decide if you want to take the gamble. Some men do and and seem happy so far. Take your time to know her more and go from there.
[quote=onihC;15434057]I am pretty sure they would be different. If it was a woman who started this I can see comments telling her to dump him, look for someone else, he's not a real man, he should take care of his debts before marrying her, he's a bum, and so on. Just like in other threads.
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Most people can distinguish between student loan debt and credit card debt. I think the OP is getting too worried too soon. Sure, $50K is a lot (though much less than the $100K plus my best friend is dealing with), but what's it for? Does she want to continue working? Does she even want to HAVE kids someday, let alone get married? If things get serious and marriage is a possibility, financial issues should always be discussed and they should make sure they're on the same page.
Having student loans does not make someone irresponsible. It's the norm.
Honestly, this is not true just for the women. Every dude and girl I have come across in the US have a truck load of student debts which they are gradually paying off and struggling by the way.
We even used to joke about how these beta manlets start their lives fresh out of college, with at least 75K debt and still shop 30 bucks tees from Abercrombie + Fitch, using another credit card. Basically, the judgement came off my personal arrogance, given my zero debt profile, plus I went to the best tech school on earth and it was free of cost. The government back home paid it becoz of my merits.
But then, I understood how this country works. Don't blame the young people. This country screws its students. Even a friggin psychology major costs 20K??
My student loan is the reason I have a near-perfect credit score. Had I not had that history on my credit and paid it on time, I would really have very little credit history - which does not bode well for a credit score.
This shouldn't really come in to play until marriage anyways. And if you're considering getting married, you should really have no problem wanting to share that responsibility since finances typically become one.
I know a married couple and she racked up some pretty hefty credit card debit and he made her go to a debt management company instead of paying them off since his name was not on the credit cards at all.
Where you will run into a problem is if you were to try to get a loan to purchase a house together her debt would be a factor. This means you may have to purchase the house in your name only. Same goes for car loans.
Student loans are also excluded from bankruptsy so she can't go that route. What kind of degree did she get for that kind of cash?
I think you need to slow down. Let her work for a few years using her degree, let her live in her own place and establish her identity, give her time to pay down her debt, get to know her better, see her in different situations, get to know her family, etc. before contemplating marriage. As a wise person told me, there's really no reason to get married until you want to have kids and there is some truth in that.
Look at Chelsea Clinton, she did everything right. She got her education, lived on her own, worked in her field, and dated her future hubby while making sure he was the one. At 30 she is set up well and will probably have a great life and good marriage because she was thoughtful and careful and didn't want to repeat the mistakes of her parents. Think about it before you rush into anything.
How would you feel if the girl you were dating had a lot of student loan debt (say about $50k) and you know that you may be the one that will have to pay it off if you get married to her (the assumption being that a woman may have to quit work to have and care for children etc.).
I'm assuming this would put enormous strain on the relationship? Would it also make you feel really vulnerable knowing that if she left you, not only would she get half of everything you own but also would have her entire student debt paid off and you would be left with nothing but the clothes on your back.
If I saw her driving a new car, eating out a lot and taking expensive vacations and struggling with debt then I'd view her as having financial or priority issues. However, if she lived frugally and was chipping away at the debt then I would respect that.
50k in student loan debt is high but not enormous like some I've heard of. Heck, let's say you met the right guy and decided to get married...you should make a point of living frugally for a couple years and paying it all off early.
On the other hand, since the interest rates on many student loans are so low, a person could simply pay the minimum amount due for as long as it takes. She can set up her account to pay itself automatically, work a normal job, have a normal life, and the money will be deducted from her account till it eventually pays itself off.
And as other people have already stated, if she loses her job or her salary is reduced in some way, she can ask that her payments are reduced or eliminated for a certain amount of time.
You are simply worrying too much about things you don't need to be worrying about. It's not your problem.
$50k is $50k. I bought a house for MORE than $50k, so if some guy comes along and is scared away by that, he's an idiot.
I think people are ignorant to write off others who have debt for valid reasons. If it was credit card debt and other junk, I can see why, but a mortgage and/or student loan debt is perfectly NORMAL.
If you don't like that, then you can be all holier-than-thou with some other chick!
How would you feel if the girl you were dating had a lot of student loan debt (say about $50k) and you know that you may be the one that will have to pay it off if you get married to her (the assumption being that a woman may have to quit work to have and care for children etc.).
I'm assuming this would put enormous strain on the relationship? Would it also make you feel really vulnerable knowing that if she left you, not only would she get half of everything you own but also would have her entire student debt paid off and you would be left with nothing but the clothes on your back.
When people with student debt are dating and thinking about marriage they need to have frank conversation about how that debt is going to be paid off and formulate a plan they both agree to for accomplishing that.
If the guy is afraid of being "stuck" with the debt, then he is not ready to be married. Being married means you WILL incur added expenses, some you can't even plan for.
If the woman gives indications she is looking for a free ride by getting married, then she is not ready for marriage.
If both partners are able to agree to the common goal of how to retire the debt and show an ability to stick to that plan over time, THEN they are both showing signs of being ready to be married
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. Just like in other threads.
