Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think you are assuming its easy to stay married for a long time. Its not. Most married people go through every problem divorced people do, except they choose to stay together.
Being married doesn't equal being weak.
I'm not assuming anything. I know it's not easy to stay married for a long time. I applaud the couples who manage to do that. I never said being married means one is weak. I was talking about my experiences as opposed to someone who has only ever been with one person and doesn't know how to be alone.
I said I am glad for the experiences I've had because I know I am strong enough to deal with the pain and come out okay. I am not afraid to be alone.
Well, yes. Your dad's situation is what I meant by men tending not to leave out of a general discontent, and that it usually takes another woman.
And I could see wanting to get rid of a spouse who broke your trust.
I guess my point is that men tend to have a defining moment or event that prompts them to it. Just being unhappy doesn't push them to it. They need a catalyst more than women do, just from what I've seen.
Me personally, I never viewed being unhappy as a reason to break up. I went to marriage counseling, alone, to try and fix that. I don't regret that either. Even though it didn't do a lick for my marriage...it taught me a lot.
Ever since the Bar around the corner, cancelled Thursday, Ladies Night...I don't know what it is like to be a woman, anymore. So all I can say is, I'll take your word for it.
My Uncle John never said a word of how "unhappy" he was. My Aunt Bonnie was served with divorce papers while he was sitting in the living room, like some sort of Sociopath.
Everytime you get in your car, you run the risk of death as well. Obviously you drive safe, don't D and D, and wear a seat belt...but it never seriously deters anyone from taking the risk, and getting in a car.
Exactly.
It seems my statements are being misunderstood and I'm not sure why. I'm not saying people shouldn't get married. I'd like to be married someday.
I was simply stating why I am glad for the experiences I've had and how it has made ME a stronger person. It had nothing to do with anyone else.
Maybe I'm a cynic or maybe I'm just a realist. I don't believe in getting so comfortable that you just assume it will never happen to you. I think when people get to that point, they tend to just take the relationship and their partner for granted. It's no surprise that things go downhill after that.
And there's noe of the most important keys: don't get comfortable or take your partner for granted ... been there, done that, but we managed to survive with counseling ... not bragging, not being smug, not wearing blinders, I know how rare long term marriages are for my generation, just glad I'm in one.
And there's noe of the most important keys: don't get comfortable or take your partner for granted ... been there, done that, but we managed to survive with counseling ... not bragging, not being smug, not wearing blinders, I know how rare long term marriages are for my generation, just glad I'm in one.
Thats good advice, but it does take two. You can go to counseling till the cows come home, do everything in your power to keep your marriage happy and vivacious but you cant do it alone.
I'm cautious of people who are constantly badmouthing their exs. It doesn't matter how many you've had, but I think there is something to be said about a person who just doesn't say a lot of negative things about people he had dated. Yes, some exs do deserve the bad rep., however if all the women of the past are that horrible, perhaps there is something wrong with you!
It's not really about going through life with the fear of divorce papers in the back of your head. It's about being realistic...any day, you COULD be served with divorce papers. It doesn't mean you shouldn't trust your spouse. It just means you shouldn't go through life with blinders on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225
Everytime you get in your car, you run the risk of death as well. Obviously you drive safe, don't D and D, and wear a seat belt...but it never seriously deters anyone from taking the risk, and getting in a car.
Sizzle wrote the exact counter statement I was going to write (but of course, I can't rep you...bleh)
There is the tiniest chance that on my way home from work today, my car could explode. However, I minimized this risk by taking it in for routine maintenance, driving the speed limit, and generally being careful when I drive.
Same in my marriage. There is the tiniest chance that when I get home from work today, my husband will try to divorce me. Or that (aliens will suck out my brain on the way home from work, and) I'll try to divorce him. However, we minimize this risk by constantly talking about the state of our relationship, putting each other before ourselves in everything, and constantly working to improve what I think is already a good marriage. If either of us feels something is wrong in our marriage, we bring it up immediately.
I am serious when I say I believe it's more likely that a space ship will land in my front yard than we'll file for divorce. It's fodder for another thread, but we neither of us believes divorce is an option in our marriage. We sat down and discussed that ad nauseum before getting engaged. I see no reason to alter my life or marriage in any way because divorce is common in society.
I'm sure many people will think my head is in the clouds, but I refuse to live with the belief that any day my husband could choose to divorce me. Yes, it is physically possible--but I refuse to believe that it will ever happen. I wouldn't have gotten married if I had thought anything less.
Seems like the topic has gone from having no exes to how to avoid divorce. Im interested in the perspective of the “club members” on what it is like having only had one SO your entire life. We have heard from the exes that although painful, they have gained experience and strength from having multiple relationships.
What do you feel is a positive advantage of only having one ever SO
How long have you and your SO been together.
Do you ever regret not experiencing being romantically or domestically involved with other people?
Do you ever fanaticize about what you might be missing since you have nothing to compare your SO to.
Have you ever thought about breaking up?
Do you feel you come to know and love your SO with each passing year or do you ever feel you are growing apart?
I realize being long term with only one SO must mean you are happily married, but if you did divorce or your SO died how do you think you would be able to handle being alone or dating?
I am serious when I say I believe it's more likely that a space ship will land in my front yard than we'll file for divorce. It's fodder for another thread, but we neither of us believes divorce is an option in our marriage. We sat down and discussed that ad nauseum before getting engaged. I see no reason to alter my life or marriage in any way because divorce is common in society.
I'm sure many people will think my head is in the clouds, but I refuse to live with the belief that any day my husband could choose to divorce me. Yes, it is physically possible--but I refuse to believe that it will ever happen. I wouldn't have gotten married if I had thought anything less.
Same here.
signed
D I V O R C E D 2009
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
