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Well, I'm now sitting here in tears again on another lonesome Saturday night after a once-promising evening turned into a disaster. I spent the entirety of my free time today after work and my latest photo tour preparing for the first real "date" with a promising catch I've had in nearly three long years. "Zach" and I had been talking back and forth on FaceBook for about a week now, and we decided to finally get together today to give each other a shot, especially since my "disapproving" parents are out of town again for a romantic weekend getaway.
I vacummed and washed my car, brushed and flossed like there was no tomorrow, sampled each of my colognes before picking out just the perfect one for the evening, etc. I even headed to a local gift shop to buy him a cute little stuffed animal and chocolates with a stylish gift bag and wrap job just as a way to say "thank you" for taking a chance on me. He lived about fifteen minutes away, but he is in a similar situation to my own (disapproving parents), so he preferred to drive to my place to meet up instead of me picking him up, as I had originally intended to do. After getting lost en route to my home, I told him to pull over in a parking lot so I could go "rescue" him and have him follow me back to my home.
When we pulled into the driveway, I apologized for him getting lost and followed it with "...but I hope this will start to make up for it," and I surprised him with the gifts. He seemed taken aback, but not at all appreciative or happy---I suppose I must have come off as a bit desperate when I only wanted to be "nice." From there I drove us to a restaurant for dinner, where I thought we really hit it off. It turns out that I'm best friends with his best friend, and one of his ex-boyfriends dated an ex-friend of mine. (Small world, huh?) LOL! I thought I truly was winning him over with my compassion, wit, and sense of humor during dinner, and then I even succeeded in wrestling the check away from him so I could pay.
We got back into the car, and while I was driving us to go out for ice cream to cap off our meal, his phone rang; one of his female friends was in "distress" and needed to be picked up. Apparently, she had gone with a group of friends to a local night club, where she bumped into an estranged ex-boyfriend who was harassing her. Since her friends were mutual friends of his as well, none of them wanted to get involved, and she was stranded there, so she called Zach for a ride. My heart sank. I drove us back to my home where he promptly got into his car and left. From there I was feeling pretty blue, so I drove over to my grandmother's home to keep her company for a little while as she continues to recover from her surgery. I figure that if I apparently ruined the night of one person, I might as well make up for it by trying to make someone else's night a bit brighter.
Now, the water works have begun again, as I can't help but think that the whole story sounded a bit "fishy" (not to be confused with the haddock I had for dinner), and I'm wondering deep down inside if he didn't have her waiting by the sidelines as a "safety net" to call in case he was having a bad time to get him out of the date in a hurry. Something like that just seems to be the way my life always goes---no matter how hard I try I just let everyone down in some way, shape, or form. I thought he and I had made a true connection, and I was hoping to totally win him over with a wondrous night of romance---ice cream, watching a scary movie while cuddling on my loveseat, night-swimming, maybe hitting up the nearby dance club for a little while, etc. Instead, I think he'll just have to get added onto the list of things I've failed to achieve in life. If there was ever an ideal night to make him feel special, tonight would have been it. As soon as my parents return from the Poconos, it's back to having to tiptoe around their every move and lie incessantly so that they don't suspect me of having the "gay disease" again. I wanted to utilize this one night in my life to make someone happy, and instead I just failed miserably at every juncture. Sigh...
What say you all? Have any of you ever had someone cut a first date abruptly short with a phone call with some sort of "random event" that turned out to be true after all, or am I just overreacting. All I know for sure is that it's nights like these that I can see why my dad drinks so heavily...
Give it time. Maybe it was a real situation, do not look down on this just yet. See what happens from now.
Don't you think that if someone wanted to "abort" the situation at any time, they would have driven their own car? Since you drove, I do not think that this was part of someone’s plan to bail.
You are too quick to call a defeat. NO matter what happens, things will work out in the end, you will see.
Give it time. Maybe it was a real situation, do not look down on this just yet. See what happens from now.
Don't you think that if someone wanted to "abort" the situation at any time, they would have driven their own car? Since you drove, I do not think that this was part of someone’s plan to bail.
You are too quick to call a defeat. NO matter what happens, things will work out in the end, you will see.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I just actually got a text back from him saying "Got her home. She's shaken up but okay." Maybe he wasn't making it up after all to get away from me? (Or maybe he's just going the extra lengths to make it sound "credible").
Aaaww, sorry you feel so bad right now....((hugs))
I can't say if he was trying to get out of the date, have you been online with him since? I guess you will just have to wait and see.
That doesn't take away the hurt feelings though. That was rude of him to make you feel that way. If he really did have to leave he could have done it with more tact.
It is alarming that you are having to deal with this in a home that is not accepting you in terms of your personal life. I can't imagine how hard that must be for you. Especially from family. They should know better than that.
Maybe you were trying too hard. He may have felt confused by your ideas of the date. Don't try to fill the emotional void your parents have left with just anyone.
This guy is obviously not what you need in your life. You need someone who loves you and appreciates you for the nice person you are.
I always say, don't look and he will find you!
Good luck!
Skoe
Okay, I was typing this before the other posts came up! I hope it works out for you!
Last edited by skoe; 06-30-2007 at 08:36 PM..
Reason: adding my Okay part!
This is precisely why I hate dating! There's all this "behind the scenes" stuff you have try to decode. Personally, I think you need to try to relax. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I'm not so sure how such a relationship can progress if both of you live with disapproving parents, though... but now I'm getting ahead of myself.
I am glad that you're getting out there. That's more than many of us do; we'd rather do nothing, and then wonder why we have no social life whatsoever!
OH I know dating can be brutal! I feel for you hon, try not to let others dictate your happiness. Love yourself for you and you will attract others like a magnet! But you need to find your inner spirit and let it radiate.
It's just a first date. Not a commitment, not a relationship. Just 2 people getting together to see if there might be something there. I think you're a really nice guy but you are looking for too much too fast. Why not see if you can be friends first? Just look at it as meeting someone new.
Ask this guy out for coffee or something next week. Then you will know if it was the blow off.
I agree w/skoe, you are trying too hard. I've always heard that playing hard-to-get works well, but I was never any good at that.....if I like someone, they know it! It might be worth a shot, though.
I agree with Snow and Missy. Let me first state that I feel a little uncomfortable commenting on your personal life since I don't know you... but since you posted the question I guess I will anyway.
It isn't unusual for people who have a miserable home life to latch on to the first guy, girl, or whatever that comes by as a means of escape. You just seem so desperate that he might me put off but that. I could be wrong but it sounds like in your mind you were already riding off into the sunset together! Maybe the call was an escape, maybe it was legit but don't contact HIM. Wait and see if he contacts you. And personal gifts on the first date to "say thank you for taking a chance on me" NO NO NO NO! I've seen your picture on another thread and not to mention that you seem very nice and intelligent, but you are quite the CUTIE and YOU are thanking HIM for taking a chance on YOU? Did it ever occur to you HE might not be good enough for YOU? You have to work on you self esteem. WHO CARES if the guy blew you off? If he did then he wasn't the guy you thought he was when you were talking online anyway. And maybe he DIDN'T, or maybe he has issues of his own to deal with?
One of the things I found most attractive about my husband when we met (who by the way is very weird, "nerdy" and not exactly traditionally attractive...see this thread) Teen age relative is a real nerd, what can be done?
Anyway the most attractive thing about him was his confidence. NOT arrogance but quiet confidence and security in who he was. He knew he was an oddball but he just didn't care what anyone else thought about it. I found that incredibly sexy!!! Self acceptance I guess was what it was. Women (and I can assume men wouldn't be THAT different) can smell desperation and insecurity a mile away and it is not very attractive. I'm sure your situation with the parents takes it's toll but try to remember EVERYONE had disapproving parents at some point. It is just part of growing up. You just got unlucky because your "disapproved of" issue is a little harder than most people's.
I think if you work harder on loving and accepting yourself other people will follow your example. There is a very good chance by the time you are thirty or so (I'm assuming you are younger because of the living with the P's) but at thirty you will probably be lying on the couch snuggled up to some Adonis telling him this story and he will be SO GLAD this guy didn't snag you first. That is what I tell my hubby every time he mentions some girl who blew him off in high school or broke up with him in college. THANK GOODNESS they were all so blind and stupid!!! Their loss was my unbelievable GAIN!
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From there I drove us to a restaurant for dinner, where I thought we really hit it off. It turns out that I'm best friends with his best friend, and one of his ex-boyfriends dated an ex-friend of mine. (Small world, huh?) 
There's all this "behind the scenes" stuff you have try to decode. Personally, I think you need to try to relax. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I'm not so sure how such a relationship can progress if both of you live with disapproving parents, though... but now I'm getting ahead of myself.
