im tored up (man, older, friends, couple)

[max's mama]

OP, this is what I said about my husband to a friend when we finally started dating:
"I don't know about him, seems like a player, more like a Summer fling. I'll give it a month".

More than a decade later, we are still together.

ETA: just went back to read the entire thread and realized there is way more to the story.

[Axle grease]

Originally Posted by miyu

Oh just want to add...

OP, thanks too and take care of yourself! Stay strong. I could be wrong of course, but you will definitely get to the bottom of this. You have your own set of instincts for a good reason and I trust you will make the right assessment. If he cares for you he will do the right thing. You don't necessarily need to be accusatory but definitely don't brush this off. If you feel like you don't want to tell him that you looked at his email I'm sure you will find another way to address the issues. Good luck!

I think the BF should hack her password and get into her private emails. It's a two way street.

[neongumbo]

i went through the same thing with my ex, he wrote an email to his friend making fun of me because i acted like his shadow "followed him around and did everything he did" but when we were a lone he acted entirely different he was extremely nice and put me first. when i confronted him about the emails he said it was "just a joke".

[thewaywewere]

from my old post....just to give more info about the relationship.

I'm so puzzled at the relationship i'm having now. I've been dating this guy for 3 months. he never introduced me to his friends but introduced me to his dauther whom he gets on weekends. and is very happy to see me and his dauther getting along very well.

he makes plans to go out with me on weekends. we made some short trips together and trips including his daughter as well. we meet every other day on weekdays. but he never calls/email/ text between dates. after i complained so much to him about it he started doing it but really rare.

he's not really into having sex with me(i'm in good shape), mostly just want to have oral and avoiding kissing. but he gave me the garage key and have said stuff like when the three of us( me, him and his daughter) together he feels completed.

he asked me to be exclusive on the first month of dating. so i suppose we are exclusive and he also said i'm his girl friend.

please help.

[thewaywewere]

the emails are from his fb. he's very into facebook and serch/follow the gilrs he was(and prob still is) interested in which is many.

i wasn't really insecure about that, who wouldnt like to look at pretty things? as long as he didn't act on it, i just saw it as a somewhat childish(in a cute way) habbit.

what bothers me is he's very parinoid about me looking at his fb when he's using it. he freaks out if i try to look at his bf account which make me feel there's something hidden.

[miyu]

Originally Posted by Axle grease

I think the BF should hack her password and get into her private emails. It's a two way street.

I'm sure she wouldn't mind showing him her FB if he asked. If he had shown her his FB when she asked she wouldn't have to snoop. There is a cause and effect thing going on here too - him acting secretive being the cause. To make it absolutely fair she should also act secretive and tell him that anything he wants out of the relationship is BS, right?

Originally Posted by neongumbo

i went through the same thing with my ex, he wrote an email to his friend making fun of me because i acted like his shadow "followed him around and did everything he did" but when we were a lone he acted entirely different he was extremely nice and put me first. when i confronted him about the emails he said it was "just a joke".

Is that why he is now your ex? Sounds two-faced.

I asked DH and he says he has NEVER heard any of his guy friends talk smack about their wives and gfs. Maybe concerns at best. But never anything disrespectful. They are always proud to show off their SO to their family and friends.

Originally Posted by thewaywewere

the emails are from his fb. he's very into facebook and serch/follow the gilrs he was(and prob still is) interested in which is many.... what bothers me is he's very parinoid about me looking at his fb when he's using it. he freaks out if i try to look at his bf account which make me feel there's something hidden.

You should really start demanding more for yourself out of this relationship... honestly he sounds so selfish.

Here are the bad signs:
- Never introduced me to his friends but introduced me to his daughter
- never calls/email/ text between dates
- avoiding kissing (to me that says, avoiding face to face intimacy)

If you feel like you aren't getting as much out of the relationship I think you should consider no longer being exclusive, unless he corrects the above. He needs to introduce you to his friends, keep in touch daily.

Why would he avoid kissing (assuming that your oral hygiene is fine)? Have you asked him that? Why does he avoid sex but not oral sex? What does he do on days that he does not see you? Is he so busy that he can't send a quick 5 second text message? That is so ridiculous!

I've never liked it when a guy decides he gets to "define" the relationship and the girl doesn't get any say. I hope he is not the type of guy who gets his sexual fulfillment and then asks you to go home because you can't stay overnight. It's time for you to start defining things. I mean, he's the one who is with the kid. He should be proud to find a woman who is able to accept that. What is his problem!!!

Here is what I'd do:

1) Under no circumstance should you nag him about any of this. Take the happy approach. You will be happier too.

2) Tell him you would love to meet his friends and set a timeframe for this to happen. Just be very happy and enthusiastic about it even if you have to fake it.

3) Start calling him or sending him 1-2 text messages on days you don't see each other. Even if he doesn't respond, keep sending things like "Miss you!" or "Hope you are having a great day" or "Thinking about you!" Maybe he will get into the habit.

4) Decide if it is acceptable that he doesn't want to kiss very much. If it is very important, you should have a talk about it and get to the bottom of it. Your approach should not nag, but tell him how much you really appreciate and loves it when he kisses you. Make it a positive reinforcement.

5) I really don't like the fact he keeps a lot of girls that he may be interested in on FB. Maybe he is, maybe he's not. But you should add them too and see what he does. Just say you think they are pretty/cute and you have the right to look at pretty things too, if he asks why you are doing it.

[Axle grease]

Originally Posted by miyu

I'm sure she wouldn't mind showing him her FB if he asked. If he had shown her his FB when she asked she wouldn't have to snoop. There is a cause and effect thing going on here too - him acting secretive being the cause. To make it absolutely fair she should also act secretive and tell him that anything he wants out of the relationship is BS, right?

I don't have a Face Book and I still stand...... men don't like be interrogated. I'd be gone and so would a lot of the other men on here. Me man...... me speak for other MAN!

[boodhabunny]

Men in love don't send mixed messages and confusing signals. Don't give your heart (and body) to a man who does not make you feel loved.

[OngletNYC]

Well that sure is true, interrogate a man and he will go into that odd shut-down mode that men are able to do, they just mentally check out. It's infuriating that you want your answers and they are off on Mars, but once it happens, the conversation is done. I certainly learned that the hard way - but of course I am 40, of course I now I know - that you just don't question men like that. It is a form of communication which only works woman to woman.

[miyu]

Originally Posted by Axle grease

I don't have a Face Book and I still stand...... men don't like be interrogated. I'd be gone and so would a lot of the other men on here. Me man...... me speak for other MAN!

LOL! At least you are funny.

I don't think anyone likes interrogation... men, women, children, even cats hate it when you snoop through their litter box... And women don't really want to interrogate either. Overall an unpleasant experience for all parties involved.