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I think some of the people who've responded are misinformed about what it means to be an introvert. You don't have a choice as to what you are. That's like saying you have a choice in whether to be gay or not. What is true, however, is that you can force yourself to go against your natural tendencies. I'm an introvert, but if the situation requires it, I can force myself to be more extroverted. But the key word their is force. In other words, it's not natural for me.
One thing I read about my specific type, ISTJ, is that we tend to be drawn to people who are opposite. That's definitely been my experience. But I've learned the hard way that while opposites attract, they rarely last. The extrovert wants to go out while the introvert wants to stay in. Before long, the extrovert feels like the introvert is holding him or her back while the introvert gets tired of the extrovert always pushing him or her do something they don't want. So you'd think an introvert is better off with someone just like them. But I've been around other introverts and it wasn't always great. A lot of times, there would be dead silence cause neither person wanted to talk or knew what to say.
I somewhat agree with you but I also think you can manage your personality to your advantage if you really want to.
I'm also an ISTJ and my work is sales related, which is very high pressure with very high burn-out rate. Not only am I good at it, but I also enjoy my work very much. I had to visibly 'turn on my charm' so to speak in certain aspects of my work, but after a while, it came naturally for me. Apparently I'm not the only introvert who works in sales. Some of the most successful performers in our team are actually introverts and I think it's due to the fact we listen more to our customers.
Regarding opposite attract, you maybe right. My husband is much more extroverted than me. It takes him a while to understand that while he gets energized after a big party, I feel the exact opposite. So he learns to leave me alone to recharge after we get home from a party.
It takes a lot of give and take to make any relationship work. Just like he learns not to push me too much, I learn to 'work the room' (as my husband calls it) when we're at a social function. Two of my closest friends are very extroverted and outgoing, and they both call me their 'calming grace'. They learn not to push me to go to every happy hour they're part of (which is plenty!), and I learn to participate sometimes to enjoy their company and others.
I never suggested it was black-and-white. But if you're 90% introverted and only 10% extroverted, then it's safe to label you an introvert and everyone will understand that it doesn't mean you're 100% like that.
That's true, but not what I was really getting at. When you said "I'm an introvert, but if the situation requires it, I can force myself to be more extroverted.", my point is that even when I'm in situations that I feel obligated to be in (I haven't been forced to be in situations that I didn't want to be in since I was living with my parents), I don't become extroverted.
Even though I'm naturally introverted, I can and will be sociable, friendly and possibly even end up having a good time, but I'm not dancing on the bar and being a social butterfly. I'm likely the one finding a small group of people, sitting at a table having a quiet conversation or just people-watching, etc.
I am also a female INTJ and it is challenging. I had to dumb myself down for my family of origin and the family I created. What I mean by that is that my natural inclination is to go into a lot of depth and most people do not prefer to do that and find it uncomfortable. So I had to modify my behavior to fit in with my family(s).
I still cannot express my true self to anyone in the family . . . they see it as "showing off," when really it is just expressing my true self with my vocabulary and depth of interest(s).
I am about balanced on the I/E scale (and to whomever said Myers-Briggs is like astrology has no idea what they are talking about). The derivation of the system is Jungian . . .
I was in sales for many years and was able to pull that off, but would not have preferred to do so . . .
My preference is to spend a lot of time alone and then meet up with people one-on-one for dinner or a walk or "hanging out." I love coffee shops for the purpose of "hanging out," but don't currently have any introverted friends who would find this an attractive activity.
The Internet is the perfect forum for introverts and especially introverts with "thinking" functions.
I am not sure why that is funny to you. Jung studied systems from a symbolic, cross-cultural perspective. Most people, when they make disparaging remarks about astrology, do so from the misinformed premise that "newspaper astrology," is "real" astrology, and nothing could be further from the truth.
... Most people, when they make disparaging remarks about astrology, do so from the misinformed premise that "newspaper astrology," is "real" astrology, and nothing could be further from the truth.
This is a Straw man argument. Since you are deeper and more knowledgeable than your family you will not need to read the link. But you already know what most people will think about it.
I do not disparage people for believing things that I do not. I may disparage the basis of the belief due to inconsistencies between it and presently known facts.
The Internet is the perfect forum for introverts and especially introverts with "thinking" functions.
Yes, I guess there are a lot of introverts and shy people on this board, too.
Anonymity makes people more open than they would otherwise be.
I am also one of those people, and I notice it a lot when I am among people from Southern countries where you are already considered weak when you don't speak loud. People here have a tendency to display themselves like some product at a market, always trying to attract attention. I dislike that way...
I would say I'm introverted although I didn't take any test to confirm that feeling. I would also say I have very few sociability needs which may not be the same thing as introversion.
In my case, I would be perfectly happy to have minimal contact with people. Other than close family members, an SO and maybe a work friend or two, I really don't have a desire to socialize with people. Unfortunately for me, most of the women I've had relationships with, including my ex-wife, were opposite and enjoyed being out and about with people. This difference definitely caused problems in my relationships and played a big part in ending my marriage.
The difference between my ex-wife and myself was that while socializing, especially in large gatherings, was very draining for me, exhausting really, she was energized by such gatherings. We were just completely different in that respect. We simply couldn't reach a middle ground anymore and frankly, neither of us wanted to compromise.
I hope my next relationship will be with someone like me. I can really only be with someone who has minimal social needs. I am who I am and recognize it just won't work being with a social butterfly.
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