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I really would not be that upset myself but I think this may be a guy thing?
Or possibly because he wants a family or me to not have to work?
What would you say or do?
I feel maybe I should give him some space before offering perspective. I know myself whenever I get bad news the last thing I want to hear are other opinions until I cool down. But I don't want this to spoil our holidays. I would not say that of course because that would be even more aggravating I think.
I really would not be that upset myself but I think this may be a guy thing?
Or possibly because he wants a family or me to not have to work?
What would you say or do?
I feel maybe I should give him some space before offering perspective. I know myself whenever I get bad news the last thing I want to hear are other opinions until I cool down. But I don't want this to spoil our holidays. I would not say that of course because that would be even more aggravating I think.
Any personal stories?
just let it go, if he needs to talk about it he'll approach you.
I was with someone who didn't work for almost 2 years. I was very supportive and handled all the bills and everything but eventually problems came. Not because we couldnt make it financially, but because he would bring it up in arguments that I thought I was better than him and he felt like less of a man.
I think instinctivly, a lot of men want to be able to provide for their SO and take care of them. Just like how women are naturally maternal and want babies. SOMETIMES. I know not all men and women are like that.
But I know for me, in that situation, he admitted several times he felt less of a man because he couldnt take care of me.
But with that being said, at least he has a job. He might be down now, but things could be a lot worse.
Just curious as to why his not getting a job he applied for would "obviously" put him in a bad mood? One might be briefly "disappointed" but I can't see why it would put anyone into a funk that could last for more than a day and certainly not for a couple of weeks. I would wonder about the priorities of someone who could remain upset about such a relatively minor thing (after all he does, as you say, have a good job and makes more than most his age) and also has a need for "stuff". But you didn't ask about that so I'll just say that for now the best thing is to remain upbeat about the holidays and hope that he doesn't parlay his bad mood into making others around him miserable as well! Good luck!
Here's the thing, the more money he makes, the more stuff he will want. His toys will get more expensive and he'll never make enough to keep up with his taste for latest and greatest. If he can't be happy with what he has now, it won't be long before he's unhappy even after doubling his salary.
Here's the thing, the more money he makes, the more stuff he will want. His toys will get more expensive and he'll never make enough to keep up with his taste for latest and greatest. If he can't be happy with what he has now, it won't be long before he's unhappy even after doubling his salary.
I rather agree. I was married once to someone like that ...
Lol, I was also married to someone like that! In fact, this was one of the main reasons for divorce. If you have to tip toe around a mate at Christmas because of his issues with monetary gain, then you have some big problems. Get ready for a lifetime of the relationship being all about his needs and feelings. Once you are married there most likely will be some control issues with finances on his part. Ditto to what Coolhand68 said.
Its not that dramatic where I have to tip toe or anything like that. I just wanted to say the right things to make the person feel better rather than just tell them to suck it up and be insensitive. He actually has a life plan of what he wants and has it on projected want list. Not a total new more and better at every turn type of guy that chucks the old and in with the new. But he knows what he wants more so.
He is more of a collector of the ideal item than a novelty chaser.
I expected the mood to last longer than it did because it was the "perfect" job and he has been working towards it for a a couple years now. The bad mood did not survive till lunch. So I guess that is good.
Its not just monetary gain on the job part either but type of work. He also went through multiple interviews so it had a tension build.
What do you mean control issues with finances? (elaborate)
Its not that dramatic where I have to tip toe or anything like that. I just wanted to say the right things to make the person feel better rather than just tell them to suck it up and be insensitive.
That's not an "either/or" scenario by any stretch and boils down to communication, or lack of. If he's bummed out then why can't you say something to him along the lines of, "I know you're disappointed and I understand why but what can I say or do that would make you feel better?" You ARE tip toeing a little bit otherwise you wouldn't have started the thread and posed the question ...
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