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I can not believe it when I see my sister in law. She used to be so pretty, sexy, slim and sure of her self. That was until her ex husband found someone even prettier and slimmer and had an affair. Now after the divorce she dated for a few months but then offically swore off men.
You should see her now. She has cut off most of her hair and looks like a marine drill instructor. She has gained almost a hundred pounds and has turned mean bitter and manish. She used to be so sweet and now she is so tough.
Can a bad relationship or marriage do all these things to a women?
I always laugh at that line, "let herself go." Here I am at age 35 after 10 years of marriage and I am a size 2...my wedding dress is actually big on me because I was a size 6 back then.
But, with divorce...I've blessed to have a wonderful husband, but having seen several friends go through divorce, I'd have to say as an observer that it has to be the most stressful, painful thing a person can go through besides the loss of a child which IMHO would be harder. But, when people are stressed, they are just trying to cope, so some turn to chemicals, foods, and other addictions. And, sometimes, people will radically change something about their appearance.
Regardless though, your SIL is still the same person, but she just looks different and is going through a rough spot. What she probably wants most is for her family to love her and accept her unconditionally...And, well, she really can give the unconditional love and self-acceptance to herself, but she needs to learn that...
Just send her love and think of her in the most positive light. She needs love...Love rocks
Oh, you bet, Dingler - that can really turn a person bitter. For some that may be a permanent situation. Plus there are numerours other factors involved which you may not be privy to. Hopefully she will regain some balance in her life. Being bitter is such a waste of anyone's precious life.
I let myself go - and turned a blind eye to the depression I was sinking firmly into, in my previous relationship.
It wasn't until I left, and made an avid attempt to reconstruct my life, piece by piece, that I began to care about myself again.
I can see it going both ways, if you're depressed by being alone, you can let yourself go. In a lot of cases though, I think it just makes it all the more important to put your foot down, make a pact with yourself, declare that.. you ARE your own person, you are in charge of your world, your life, your views, your happiness, the way you see yourself and the way others see you, and to take that first step back into making yourself happy for YOU, not for anyone else.
My thoughts and prayers are out there for everyone that is going through such similar circumstances or otherwise.
Be strong! Life gets better. It can get so much better.
I let myself go - and turned a blind eye to the depression I was sinking firmly into, in my previous relationship.
It wasn't until I left, and made an avid attempt to reconstruct my life, piece by piece, that I began to care about myself again.
I can see it going both ways, if you're depressed by being alone, you can let yourself go. In a lot of cases though, I think it just makes it all the more important to put your foot down, make a pact with yourself, declare that.. you ARE your own person, you are in charge of your world, your life, your views, your happiness, the way you see yourself and the way others see you, and to take that first step back into making yourself happy for YOU, not for anyone else.
My thoughts and prayers are out there for everyone that is going through such similar circumstances or otherwise.
Be strong! Life gets better. It can get so much better.
OMG....I was just about to write pretty much the same thing like you!
I agree, it could go either way, but people going trough this have the same thing in common....they hurt!
Whatever your SIL is going trough, is her "self preserve" and "self defense" mechanism right now.
I so agree with the pp's post!
It could be she was just so hurt, she decided to make herself into something she thinks noone will want. Hopefully someday she will realize life is too short for extended self pity and get back to being healthy and happy.
Oh, you bet, Dingler - that can really turn a person bitter. For some that may be a permanent situation. Plus there are numerours other factors involved which you may not be privy to. Hopefully she will regain some balance in her life. Being bitter is such a waste of anyone's precious life.
Gotta agree with this. I've seen it happen. Amazing the lengths someone will go to to build a wall around themselves to avoid the pain of heartache.
Also amazing what someone will go thru to have a 12 second orgasm. I mean, her husband threw everything away for... what???? Sad. Truly sad.http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y164/canibeyou/headshake.gif (broken link)
It could be she was just so hurt, she decided to make herself into something she thinks noone will want. Hopefully someday she will realize life is too short for extended self pity and get back to being healthy and happy.
It isn't always or all about self pity...believe me...
I'm that person, not 100 lbs over weight, but over weight nonetheless...and yes, I have made myself unattractive purposely...I don't want to date again....ever...
The last guy I fell in love with, I told him about my fears...about my personal life and thought I had given him the chance to understand, I didn't want or need to be used or hurt like that again....he didn't care...he just took...and took, wined and dined me, orchastrated the attack, the chase, and then, went in for the kill.
I tell you true, if I even come close to dating I break out in a sweat, and it's fear...
Depends on the person, how badly they were hurt, and no one can predict what they will do...but a person can be hurt bad enough that they no longer want to go anywhere near that darkness again, or have their heart eaten...so instead of perhaps judgeing your sister in law cruely with insults, why don't you speak with her and tell her of your concerns...touching people with words sometimes helps to rebuild trust slowly...yanno?
Dingler, I don't mean your being mean...what I'm trying to explain is, that you have no idea the extent of her hurt, the pain can be horrific...it is not easy to describe....but for me, I never want to go there again....
I'm so sorry your sister in law has been made to experience someone who was selfish and non thinking, cruel and only concerned with self gratification. It is sad, how words and actions can literally change a life forever.
I'd also like to add, I might not be nearly as sexy and pretty as I was, but I am wiser, much more content and beautiful on the inside.
I just would like to think that if something like that ever happened to me, I would go out of my way to take care of "me". Being 100lbs overweight isn't healthy. I am also not thin, and won't ever be a size 6, but I want to live a long life and being healthy is part of that.
"Weight" on the physical body in excess can be a manifestation of "WAIT" in the mental, emotional or spiritual layers
Just an idea...
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