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An addiction to texting and therefore (possibly) shallow? Do we know that they may be calling just as obsessively and he does not know? She would not be making these calls in front of him and if she has an unlimited plan he would not know the minutes spent. She may also have a throwaway phone. (Helpful hint... often hidden in car when spouses have seperate cars) Could be the texting is just the visible tip of the iceberg and while it sounds based on the description that this is an emotional thing it may be that this is because we do not know about the physical which may have already happened. Cheaters do not advertise these things. Long distance love affairs can tend to carry a component of addiction in communications because the two are not able to have the acutal relationship that they would were they together often leading to a lot of stroking via text and short calls which are snuck in as able to make up for the lack of real togetherness. There are quite a few differences between long distance affairs and the more garden variety local love affair. Long distance lovers are far more likely to describe each other as soulmates. They tend to call and text obsessively. Their behavior during the affair and the deceptions used can be strikingly similar to those used by drug addicts trying to keep from being denied their drugs. Makes interesting reading and were I the OP I would be doing that reading right now because if nothing else the makings are there and it already may be far later than he thinks.
Maybe you should call your buddies wife and fill her in on whats going on with your wife and her husband.
Agreed. First thing he should do is confront his wife and then call this guy's wife. I would also try to set up a skype meeting with all 4. I did that once with an ex. I asked the girl he was cheating with out to lunch (I knew her). And I told him to meet me at the restaurant at the same time. The three of us had a nice long chat.
Well maybe the OP is just absorbing all this info but he's not responded since he posted his dilemma in the early hours of yesterday. Further information might be helpful but seems there's a bit of a stalemate when no further info is forthcoming. We can postulate 'til the cows come home but the OP needs to come back to enable the discussion to continue.
Tell your wife You're NOT fine with it..come on, can't you see that your not telling her how you really feel about it is a shining example of the huge lack of real communication in your marrige???YOU should be the first one she talks to in the morning..not some fantasy living a 1000 miles away..
Does she leave her phone out and can you read her texts, or does she keep the phone with her at all times and/or have it locked? Also, if she does have it locked or keep it where you can not get to it, was it always like this?
My brother thought his wife was cheating, and he found out for sure when he was finally able to read her texts. This was tricky because she kept the phone with her even when she was sleeping, and she had it locked (good thing she drinks too much cause she fell asleep with it out and not locked.....lol!).
I do think something is going on, anywhere from the start of a relationship, to supporting eachother about something (which could lead to a relationship). I would keep with a look out for changes in behavior, tell her more directly that you are not OK with the relationship, and take things from there.
Yes, I just went through this and you need to find truth. Before I spoke with her I would be seeking what the truth is and to be honest it is almost certainly bad. IMO you are may already be looking at a reality where she is mentally invested and make no mistake that they could have already met and futher cemented the relationship.
While I was married to my wife over the course of more than 20 years I never once looked at the check book, her phone, anything else. She knew I would not do so and my honor was something she used against me. It wasn't until the end that I began to seek truth and the truth was not pretty. Knowing what I know now I would very carefully obtain data as to the truth and I would have no respect for convention. Unfortunetly you may soon learn cheaters keep their secrets the longest with those who cannot imagine their loved one cheating. This is pain I have tasted, I can add no more.
There is software available that allows you to read the text from any cell # whether you own the number or not.
Wow, that's scary. It reminds me a few days ago I gave a CC number over my cell, something I don't usually do, but I got the call and wanted to finish the transaction. Should've called back from the ground line...
This is going to turn into another "Facebook Ruined My Marriage" thread, isn't it? LOL
Look, of course it's bothering you. Your wife is talking to another man a LOT. You have every reason to be upset and even feel jealous. But, fact is, there is NO reason they need to be talking that much. I would not have told her it was "ok" to continue texting. Why would you do that? First of all, he was your friend, not hers. When my kids were teenagers they never even texted that much. You need to have a little bit better talk with your wife and explain how you really feel and tell her it's not cool that she's texting another man when she's married.
It would be one thing if she sent him an email and copied you on it as a "hello from us" kind of deal. This is a little out of control in my book.
Good luck.
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It reminds me a few days ago I gave a CC number over my cell, something I don't usually do, but I got the call and wanted to finish the transaction. Should've called back from the ground line...
