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what do u mean by going through the motions? did she also want out of the marriage?
of course there's a lot to the story as it lasted 18 years. no she didn't want to get divorced and she fought it every step of the way. on the other hand she basically abandoned our daughter and myself for 2 years before we left. she was in the house but stayed strictly to herself. i don't know why i'm telling you all of this. i don't want to talk about it anymore.
Do you feel that you are currently loved by people in your life? How many and what are the relationships?
In your life, how many people do you feel have truly loved you (as opposed to saying they love you - let me give a couple of examples) . . .
In my younger years, a few men professed their "love" for me, but when I dissected the relationships I realized they either felt they loved me because they were sexually attracted to me or they felt I boosted their image in someway or something to that effect (as opposed to truly loving me - my personality and spirit - many of those people were not even curious about my spirit - the body or young, hot image or surface attraction was really all there was).
If I were not so analytical, I would say that many men have loved me, but it really is not true.
And did your parents love you? I think only one of mine did.
Do your children love you or if they are young children, are they like pets who love the person who feeds them?
How many people truly love you for who YOU are? How many now and how many in your entire life?
I would say that very few people have truly loved me out of a big bunch that would say they did.
I believe "actions speak louder than words," and most often, people don't act really loving in my realm.
How 'bout you?
I mean this is such a great question, and I'd have an easier time answering it if I could define love. The only way I can even begin to tackle it is to project outward, who are the people that I love and have loved. If I take a restrictive approach that list could be very short; but on the other hand, I can think of someone I went to HS with, even a guy, or a girl that I had no romantic attachment to and feel what I have to believe is some form, watered down as it is, of love. I honestly can feel love for a stranger that I see on the streets that appears to be having an especially difficult time in life..
But more to your point, I have often been disappointed by those who claimed to love me and did not behave in a way that would bear that out. Parents, sibling, an aunt or an uncle, spouse, good friends. I mean how demanding, how unforgiving do we want to be? Haven't most of us let down the same people that we've professed love for?
But Love, in its highest form? Bot of my parents, my current wife, my biological child, a grandmother that raised me, an old girlfriend or two, the list does thin to a trickle after that..
of course there's a lot to the story as it lasted 18 years. no she didn't want to get divorced and she fought it every step of the way. on the other hand she basically abandoned our daughter and myself for 2 years before we left. she was in the house but stayed strictly to herself. i don't know why i'm telling you all of this. i don't want to talk about it anymore.
ok i didnt really want to know this much. but usually one person wants out and the person wants to stay. thats what i thought.
I think my standards for love are not the usual . . . I believe "actions speak louder than words," so whose actions have been loving? Whose have been hateful (while professing to love you with a card on your birthday or whatever) . . . so deep and meaningful as opposed to shallow and hypocritical.
Then I look at love as having spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical components. The old bf's just focused on my physical and their emotional - but there was no real reciprocity or full love.
Some people are incapable of love and that is not your fault, but you might take it that way as a child, for instance. One of my parents was incapable of love and her parent also did not love me (her granddaughter) and aunts and uncles didn't love me either. For a child to realize this is devastating and you can't help thinking it is something about you, when really it is about them. But it doesn't create a warm, fuzzy emotional environment for a child and sets up dysfunctional patterns in life.
I think my standards for love are not the usual . . . I believe "actions speak louder than words," so whose actions have been loving? Whose have been hateful (while professing to love you with a card on your birthday or whatever) . . . so deep and meaningful as opposed to shallow and hypocritical.
Then I look at love as having spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical components. The old bf's just focused on my physical and their emotional - but there was no real reciprocity or full love.
Some people are incapable of love and that is not your fault, but you might take it that way as a child, for instance. One of my parents was incapable of love and her parent also did not love me (her granddaughter) and aunts and uncles didn't love me either. For a child to realize this is devastating and you can't help thinking it is something about you, when really it is about them. But it doesn't create a warm, fuzzy emotional environment for a child and sets up dysfunctional patterns in life.
You make some very good points. But my question is, these people that disappointed you, was in constant? Did they get it right most of the times? Some of the times? I agree that it is about the deed. Don't tell me show me. But I also think that some people, not suggesting that you are one, can be so demanding, leave such a small margin for error, that no one will ever satisfy them, and they will be doomed to feel unloved for life.
Maybe you want to give some specific examples of how you've been disappointed by those that claimed they loved you.
In my family, I realized after the fact that I was only perhaps loved by one of my family members (a parent). Other family members did not love me and did not demonstrate love to me. Ever. Not in thought, word, or deed.
Those who have been warmly loved by droves of family will not understand the concept. But it does happen. If you have not experienced "not being loved" by family members who "should" love you, consider yourself most fortunate!
Well, I know for a fact my kids love me and they love me unconditionally. My cousin and Aunt love me and there is one other special person in my life that loves me.
In my family, I realized after the fact that I was only perhaps loved by one of my family members (a parent). Other family members did not love me and did not demonstrate love to me. Ever. Not in thought, word, or deed.
Those who have been warmly loved by droves of family will not understand the concept. But it does happen. If you have not experienced "not being loved" by family members who "should" love you, consider yourself most fortunate!
No. I HAVE experienced not being loved by family members that should have loved me. Even betrayed by family members that had recently told me how much they loved me. We were a treacherous lot, some of us were anyway. How 'bout having the house of a deceased loved one robbed by one of your loving family members, before they were even cold?
I don't doubt your perspective. To the contrary, I believe every word you say.
It's amazing how resilient or adaptive humans are. Many are "walking wounded."
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