Married women who cheat... (wives, movies, girlfriends, how to)
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I have a question here for the forum and in advance thanks for the advice. I seem to find myself in situations often where married women are attracted to me. I am a 27 year old male and have a tendency to attract older, married women who seem to be having large problems in their marriages. These women are sometimes mutual friends, co-workers or are just people who I randomly meet.
The situation begins when we get to know each other, I find out they are married and then we start doing activities together (coffee, movies) which to me seem harmless at first and I take them as only friendly gestures. How much damage can you do in a coffee shop? They talk to me about their husbands, their problems and about common interests.
Somehow things change and the text messages from them begin to roll in about how they want to see me more and more and how they prefer to spend their time with me instead of with their troubled relationships. I will admit 100% that sometimes it does indeed turn sexual and that I do have relations with themknowing they are married and I do accept blame for that. But hey, the wedding vows are between them and their husbands and I am a single man who is not doing anything wrong.
Here's where I get confused. They want to take things further as in, they want a relationship, which really confuses me since they are married. This has happened so many times in my life that it seems to be a joke by now, but it's true. I guess I dont understand why and how they could possibly want something more than just a one nighter since they live at home with their husbands. What happens is that I say I am not interested in anything further since they are married and somewhere, somehow they cut off all communication and hate me from there and this to me is odd.
What were they hoping for? Be my girlfriend in the day and then go home to their husbands at night? Were they looking for an easy transition out of one relationship into another one? I am truly confused here. It is odd to me that someone who took wedding vows, breaks them by cheating, expects a committed relationship while they are still married ends up hating me.
Lets get something straight, I take 100% responsibility for messing around with married women. Maybe I led them on and shouldnt have done anything in the first place. However, I'm single and really am allowed to do whatever I want. I am not a cheater and I have never cheated on girlfriends. To me, this whole thing is odd, but it seems to be largly accepted in the world. People cheat like it's nothing and yes I add to it because I let it happen.
I'm just confused on the entire situation. What is the deal here? Feel free to let me know if you think I'm at fault. I know I'm not off the hook here. So if this whole thing is truly my fault and their aimed hatred is correct, then tell me. Me personally, if anything I think I'm the one being used. They didnt get what they wanted and their ego got hurt, they don't know how to deal with it and now are angry. Just my thoughts.
Sounds to me like your filling a void. Giving them something their husbands cannot. But just like their marriages they will find fault in you eventually and the process will start all over again.
I get why you justify your actions and say you're the one being used but the fact is, as soon as they say they are married you should be hitting the door and saying goodbye. Unless you have some strange fear of commitment yourself, why would you allow yourself to invest any amount of time with a woman who can never be with you 100% and to top things off, they are cheating. If they are cheating with you, maybe you're not the only one.
I think you do own some responsibility here because even though you know they are married, you agree to do the deed anyway and carry on the relationship until they end it. If you like older women, that's fine but I'm sure that you can find ones that aren't married who equally like younger guys.
I'm not making an offer here but just using it as an example, I'm 40 and and have always been attracted to younger man but the difference between me and these other women is that I'm single.
If these women are married and cheating, they have bigger issues than they are admitting to. I say just once to try it on for size by saying NO when the next older married woman comes onto you.
"I am a single man who is not doing anything wrong.
I am not a cheater and I have never cheated on girlfriends."
You know she is married, and still you continue. You are a predator.
You are commiting adultry. You are cheating on her husband. Maybe when a husband catches you and blows your head off, you will get the picture. As you reside in Hell, and you will, maybe you will see the error of your ways.
Probably, you are writing this just to see the responces, because I can't believe anyone can really be that stupid.
I think you should ask yourself why you become emotionally intimate again and again with taken women that gives you a backdoor to not commit to anything. Also ask yourself if this repeat behavior is going to bring you paranoia or peace of mind in your future marriage. Just because you are single it does not give you the pass to disrespect other peoples' relationships. You should stop and think about who you want to be and ALL the people your actions affect. Doing what you do keeps you safe and damages the wife, husband and possibly kids.
I think you keep engaging in relationships that are not healthy for some reason. The reason is what you have to figure out why you cheat on yourself with this type of behavior. Even if the other parties are not affected you still are. You should ask yourself if you are growing into the man you want to be or "that guy" who bangs desperate housewives. If you were really these womens' friends you would tell them to work on themselves and come to a resolution about their current relationship instead of sleeping with them.
You are commiting adultry. You are cheating on her husband. Maybe when a husband catches you and blows your head off, you will get the picture. As you reside in Hell, and you will, maybe you will see the error of your ways.
If the OP is serious, then he is a terrible person.
If it was my wife, I wouldn't be walking away from everything I worked for pouting about my loss, I would be looking for the OP.
I have a question here for the forum and in advance thanks for the advice. I seem to find myself in situations often where married women are attracted to me. I am a 27 year old male and have a tendency to attract older, married women who seem to be having large problems in their marriages. These women are sometimes mutual friends, co-workers or are just people who I randomly meet.
The situation begins when we get to know each other, I find out they are married and then we start doing activities together (coffee, movies) which to me seem harmless at first and I take them as only friendly gestures. How much damage can you do in a coffee shop? They talk to me about their husbands, their problems and about common interests.
...
It's really quite simple, avoid married women. That you do not (harmless activities is a rationalization since you know where it will lead) means you are a bad person. Any time a person is aware of likely bad outcomes from specific behavior and chooses to proceed it shows a entitlement personality. That you blame the women is justification for your bad actions. You and you alone are responsible for every act you make knowingly.
So you can choose to acknowledge your actions and stop doing them. Or you can continue with the understanding you are an opportunist taking advantage of the easy pickings that these older married women present. You can no longer hide from your part in the affair.
Some men fear commitment and that sounds like you. You go for the unavailable women so that you can fulfill your sexual needs but not have an emotional tie to them. You seek married women because if not, you would not have coffee, etc with them and you would keep your distance.
No, you're trying to play innocent but you are a predator of married women and you are an adulterer.
You are trying to justify your behavior but it is a terrible road you are going down.
It's unethical to continue this, just as it's unethical for a single woman to get involved with a married man. You are indirectly causing unnecessary real or potential harm to another person (their spouse), and this can't be justified.
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