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If this is how women think, to throw something out there and hope for a certain response, then like I said, they need to start writing out scripts and we'll read them off. In that case, she could have been direct and just said "do you love me?" or something of the sort. Of course, I'm just speculating whether this is what she was implying.
It was not a mistake. Now continue to send her cards, send her flowers and get engaged blah blah blah blah. What is stopping you? You're going to psycho-analyze these strangers here and confuse yourself??
Make no mistake, half the posters on this thread are relationships underdogs themselves, so I wonder what makes you think you're talking to the Greek myth equivalent of Lord Cupid here on this board.
I met a girl in 2009 and if I had come to this board for advice, I'd have been doomed There are several things we have done which would be RED FLAGS based on the popular opinion here, from people 80% of whom suck at their relationships LMAO
I see your point. Keep in mind I'm fully aware of some of the ridiculous posters on this forum and I know who they are and who's advice I take to heart. I'm not going to over obsess about these responses, I'm just looking for outside perspective. I'll be the one decide which points are valid to me and which ones I'll consider viewpoints of.
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Originally Posted by Violett
I would tell her exactly what you've told us. That you care about her a lot, but that you've been burned in the past so you want to take it slow with your emotions. Also that you take the word "love" very seriously and don't just throw it out there. If she's an emotionally healthy person, she will completely accept these answers without freaking out. And when/if you finally tell that you do love her, she'll know 100% that you really mean it.
This does sounds like a good approach. I'm debating whether or not to say anything about it at all and just go with the good thing we have now. I may not want to address it until i'm fully sure of how I feel.
She also does know about my history so I'm sure she's factored this in already, she's a smart girl and she understands me pretty well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
This is the best response to send our cdubs back into therapy
I don't agree. And therapy is a good thing. I actually wish I was insured right now so I could go back. Not because I feel I need to address a specific issue but because it was nice just having someone to get things off my chest with. I always felt a lot better after leaving therapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett
If he's tactfully honest with her and she leaves, he's far better off.
Trying to walk the tightrope of telling someone exactly what they want to hear, esp. if you're not sure you even mean it, is a recipe for disaster.
I can agree with this statement, one thing I did overcome was being rejected for things that are out of my control. If I feel a certain way about a girl and I'm honest about it and stay true to myself then it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if she left for that reason. Although I would be upset initially, in the long run it would be better if she couldn't accept my honest feelings.
She also does know about my history so I'm sure she's factored this in already, she's a smart girl and she understands me pretty well.
The best advice I can give you is to NOT assume she's put anything together. She might have, but she might not, or she might put everything together differently than how it really is. You don't really know until you guys have the convo.
Personally, I would say whatever you need to say sooner rather than later. Waiting too long is how misunderstandings and resentment build up.
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