Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's not nothing. She has a lover. Women do not leave their families unless there is another man acting as a safety net. They especially do not leave their young kids, and move out without any means of support, UNLESS there is someone else.
Do some digging, and you will discover the truth here.
Yup. I'd at least hire a detective and get to the truth. I'd also want to know why she is such a runaway bride. Frankly, with that kind of marital record, unless she's willing to make some serious changes, I'd run and not look back.
My wife and I have dated for 5 years, we had fights and breaks over the years but we always cam back to one another.
Now we are mArrried. We have2 daughters 1&3 and recently we got into a fight where I initiated it and told her things weren't working. She agreed and decided to find a new place to stay. She got an apartment about 20 min away w/ a room mate. She doesn't work and I wouldn't offer to facilitate the move, so she got 1st mtg rent from her estranged mother and moved out anyways. I let her take the car and agreed to make payments for now and put gas in it as needed.
We have 2 lil girls. Wife comes back to house while they are awake to take care of them and do minor cook/clean because of girls.......not for me.
Her and I are very Nice to each other w obvious pain and heartache. We are playful; flirtatious; big deep hugS even cuddle on the couch and spoon at times.....just draw line at 'touching/kissing'........when I ask her wants goin on. She just knows we can't be together right now, but doesn't know if the future holds. She claims she wants us to raise our family together and be huge parts of each others lives, but just can't see us being together right now. So basically the kids live with me full-time and she visits everyday excep for Sunday.....that's daddy day. She is a great mother and hasn't let the girls stay overnight anywhere before all this.
No drugs; drinking involved. I didn't have an affair and don't believe she is either.......doesn't have 'time'. In the relationship I was over bearing maybe even didn't respect her enough. I'd get made when she did dumb stuff and probably harder on her than I shoulve been, cause I do love her....just tryin to teach her too, (crazy as it sounds)
I'm 30 and own a multiple retail store (never been marraid) she's 28 (divorced twice and rocky childhood of multiple divorces).
We are attending counseling and she is also goin 1-1 for her own emotional baggae (possibly bipolar). I'm simply not sue what to think about the whole situation and where to go from here........I want to be with her without question, but sometimes I say things to push her away.....and don't mean it.
Also, please don't say how she's a bad mom or I'm an idiot and should run.....that really won't help with my end goal and that is to reconcile. Wesee each other daily and txt/talk hrs more......so I can't giver her the cold shoulder to allow hervspace to miss me, but instead I subtly remind her how I'm here for her and how much I care and will be there through thick and thin.
Any feedback would be gladly welcomed,
You two dont want to leave each other..have her move back in and work it out.
To me the biggest red flag is she doesn't work and can't support herself. She is expects someone to take care of her and even had to have her mother pay her rent. It reads to me like she doesn't want love just an ATM.
To me the biggest red flag is she doesn't work and can't support herself. She is expects someone to take care of her and even had to have her mother pay her rent. It reads to me like she doesn't want love just an ATM.
Maybe she's depressed <sarcasm> .
Aaaanyways, what does she do for a living? I mean, she doesn't work and has people taking care of her, right? Does she have goals and aspirations?
Personally, I'd tried to remiain in a good relationship with her but you should focus on the kids. Try not to mess them up. Maybe they don't need to live with a mother like that.
A dose of reality is in order here. She needs to work and support herself. Find out what it's like to live in the real world. She can do the childcare and work evenings or nights while you are home to do the childcare. She needs to pay her own way.
She's got the best of both worlds. I dont blame her. Put some rules in place - rules that benefit you and those children and then enforce them. She needs to understand that her actions are going to affect and effect her family. Once her emotional hostage holding is over your mind may clear and you will see you need to move on. Good luck.
Generally I like this advice.
I think you need some boundaries.
I don't get the sense that the two of you have productive conversations. You might have room to grow in this respect. She comes over and you cuddle or whatever. I'm not suggesting you act cold or uncaring... please do be caring and understanding... but cuddling will not lead to a **lasting** reconciliation.
I think you would benefit from open and non-judgmental conversations about the future. Something in me suspects that you are having trouble seeing a future without her as a possible future and are therefore incapable of having an open and collaborative conversation with her.
I mention this because it is important for her to say what is in her heart and if she can't say it without offending you then you can't talk openly.
There also seems to be a manipulative component to her personality that is hard to sort out from everything else going on. You sound like a pretty good guy (except the temper - you can work on it) but I wonder if she is pulling strings alone rather than work with you to choose which string to pull. Is that way off or does that make sense to you?
Give us some feedback so we can understand better.
She's got the best of both worlds. I dont blame her. Put some rules in place - rules that benefit you and those children and then enforce them. She needs to understand that her actions are going to affect and effect her family. Once her emotional hostage holding is over your mind may clear and you will see you need to move on. Good luck.
Indeed. The OP needs a good attorney well versed and successful in cases involving child custody. The OP does need to accept what has happened and to protect his children from the mother coming and going erratically in and out of their lives. Right now the focus should be on the well being of the children.
Indeed. The OP needs a good attorney well versed and successful in cases involving child custody. The OP does need to accept what has happened and to protect his children from the mother coming and going erratically in and out of their lives. Right now the focus should be on the well being of the children.
Attorneys can makes this can go terribly wrong quickly. I know a few good dads who had full time care of their kids who lost custody just because the mommy wanted them back.
Attorney = attack
Talk to an attorney, yes. Avoid using them if possible - absolutely!
She may not have money but her parents might and if you take her to court (=attack her) then her family may have sizable resources to throw back.
Here is some damn good advice: go talk to her parents (or support people) about the situation and let them know you care for her and love her and want to be with her. Keep them on your side. They may be able to help in ways you never expected.
WC
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.
