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It honestly sounds like she really likes you....really cares for you, but not only is she still shell-shocked from her previous relationship, she cares enough about YOU, as a friend, to want what's best for you. She says she doesn't want you to wait for her....but I think that's exactly what she's hoping you'll do. Also, if you really care about her....you won't push her and you'll be willing to wait!
I would leave her alone, not because she is messed up, but because she doesn't know how to be blunt. She doesn't want to be in a relationship and more than likely she doesn't want to be in one with you. Pushing the matter means that you are trying to convince her not to listen to her instinct. If you convince her, you just made her go from feeling safe to unsafe but she doesn't realize it.
A girl who explicitly tells you that she does not want to date you is doing you a favor.
Perhaps your right. Thing is though i made it easier for her, twice, by telling her if she just wanted to be friends it was cool n not to worry about me and how i'd take it and that i'd move on, and just catch up eveyr now n then, but she couldn't even answer that. Alot of what she says is very ambiguous, not sure if it's just from her being so confused or because she doesn't know how just say "i just want to be friends".
the way I see it now based on what people have told me and my own thoughts on this is that she is interested but has no idea what the hell to do about it. Most of the girls iv'e met I ended up being in relationships with so i don't have too many "lady friends" that i just hang out with as a friend to compare to this. But unless someone corrects me it seems to me that a "lady friend" wouldn't spend 7 hours with me on the fone ( was up from 12am to 7am one night and she had to go to work! ) talking about everything from politics to what she's wearing before she goes to bed and how great it is that we have XYZ in common about our sexuality , then allows me to feel her up all night at a club when she wasn't drunk and then finally admits to me she has feelings for me but feels confused. I dunno about you guys but if thats her way of saying she want's to be 'just friends' then thats pretty f***** up.
Sometimes when you break up you still have those affectionate feelings that you are so used to having and you project them easily on another that you like but those feelings become confusing because you're not sure how much you like the new (rebound) or is it just your desire to keep that loving feeling going after a break-up.
Sometimes when you break up you still have those affectionate feelings that you are so used to having and you project them easily on another that you like but those feelings become confusing because you're not sure how much you like the new (rebound) or is it just your desire to keep that loving feeling going after a break-up.
Met a girl and been going out as "friends" for the last 3 weeks, Iv'e been interested in going out with her as more than friends but she seemed to give mixed messages abotu what she wants. Finally on the 4th week she comes out and says she likes me alot and has "fallen for me" and didn't know she couldv'e developed such feelings for me but it's happened, but she is so confused because she's come out of a ****ty relationship and has no idea what to think about what. Then she tells me she doesn't wan't me to wait for her to be ready and to find someone who will make her happy. i tell her without sounding desparate that I think we have something really great going and I don't mind giving her space and time to work herself out and that I'd like to take things as slow as she want's. She still seems reluctant and thinks I shouldn't bother waiting for her. Now what?
I would give her space and continue to be her friend. Let her know that you will be her friend no matter what. Don't push the issue and if she really has fallen for you, she will reach out to you when she is ready.
I say don't take this chic at her word. Don't bother waiting. I mean u can be as friendly as she'd like while keeping your options open. It takes two to tango and women are like buses...
Keep it straight and too the point..Tell her friends only! A confused woman is not what any man needs. Stick with the ones that don't send you mixed signals; go for the woman that can look you in the eye and tell you shes interested in you and wants to see you! More than likely she is just using you to feed her ego. Her "bad" ex is who she really wants! She is more than likely only willing to commit to someone with this type of personality. These woman are typically just as bad "for you" as the bad guys is for her.
I used to be attracted to this kind of woman..probably as a challenge..it was always interesting but in the end it seemed like a waste of time. It is what it is! "Every experience makes us who we are-Bad and Good"
Last edited by Docaholic; 02-24-2011 at 10:57 AM..
Ok so basically this is the story. The same week I wrote my origiinal thread I had asked her over to my place for dinner/movie/chat on a saturday night. The night before she has a few drinks with her friends sms me and says she wishes I were here right now with her. I hesitated to go thinking it's just going to be another dissapointment, then she says i want you to come over to my place, i'm catching a taxi right now. So naturally I race there at 100km/h lol. She says, um u can stay over but you'd have to sleep on the floor. Getting tired of her **** I get ready to just pack my **** and go. Then she changes her mind and says, you know what sleep with me. So I'm in her bed with my arms around her kissing her around her neck and back n just fooling around then she says, so what am I going to do with you? I say what do you think? She says you decide. :S. I say lets go out then. Then she says ok, but let's not rush into things. By now i'm thinking this is just the drink talking. Next morning I ask her, so are we still going out? She says, yes. Then she ends up sleeping at my place the following night, we end up kissing, cuddling, touching e.t.c same thing as last time. So apparently we are going out now. Only weird thing is we haven't actually kissed on the lips yet. I'm still being cautious and waiting to see how this develops. Until I at least get a kiss on the lips I'm not convinced about this girl.
She's not interested. She just didn't want to her your feelings
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Also, if you really care about her....you won't push her and you'll be willing to wait!
