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I can give you my POV from when I used to do online dating.. if a guy contacted me and I wasn't interested, I just let him know immediately in a tactful way. Some men take it okay and others get totally hurt feelings and really act like an arse. It's that behavior that confirmed I didn't have a good feeling anyway LOL
It's better to just let someone know early on. Why drag it out or let them "wonder" if you're interested or not, ya know?
Well, I'll speak for myself and many others. That is what makes you different and is much appreciated. If you strike out, it is better than losing the game on the last run of the home inning. Some gals get their kicks from that though!
Well, if you were in a public setting and someone came up to you and said hello, that you weren't interested in talking to, ask this: Would you listen to their "hello", then just turn around and walk away without saying a word to them?
Thought not (hopefully).
Lesson: One of the reasons so many of us complain about "how people are getting these days" is because folks are getting to comfortable ignoring people, or flat-out being rude to people online, since it's "safe" to do so. The problem is, the more you do it, the more you do it some more, and more, and eventually it will shape the way you interact with people face-to-face, too.
Remember that old Golden rule that were all were supposed to have been taught as children by our parents? "Treat others as you wish to be treated". Maybe we need a modern day adaptation of this golden rule to teach ourselves (and our kids): "Treat others online as you would like to be treated face-to-face".
You can ALWAYS tell the people who haven't been online for very long!
Well, if you were in a public setting and someone came up to you and said hello, that you weren't interested in talking to, ask this: Would you listen to their "hello", then just turn around and walk away without saying a word to them?
Thought not (hopefully).
Lesson: One of the reasons so many of us complain about "how people are getting these days" is because folks are getting to comfortable ignoring people, or flat-out being rude to people online, since it's "safe" to do so. The problem is, the more you do it, the more you do it some more, and more, and eventually it will shape the way you interact with people face-to-face, too.
Remember that old Golden rule that were all were supposed to have been taught as children by our parents? "Treat others as you wish to be treated". Maybe we need a modern day adaptation of this golden rule to teach ourselves (and our kids): "Treat others online as you would like to be treated face-to-face".
As much as I really want to stick by my previous post, you really make a good point here, especially the bold. I never really thought of it in that way because it is online and not in person. Making me stop and think about myself and that rarely happens so kudos to you.
I think I would rather that he just not respond b/c then I can tell myself that it's because: 1. He got killed in a car accident yesterday 2. He's a fictitious character that the site used to pad out their program with 3. He tried to write back but the computer wouldn't put it thru (I've had that happen before when I was trying to write someone and I took it as a sign from above that he's all wrong for me!)
I've had guys who were trying to be kind in explaining why it wasn't going to work and really, it would be fine to say there's no chemistry than to go into a deep long explanation of why he's not attracted to me, which can tend to get into hurtful territory even if he's trying to be nice. Had a guy once who was explaining how he had this "template" in his head of what his ideal woman should look like and his dream woman has a ponytail. I quickly gathered up my hair and joked that if that's all he wanted. . . He glanced over and said, "Nah, wrong hair." I had to laugh b/c he was bald.
This sort of thing can be a little awkward because if you're like I am the last thing you want to do is make someone feel bad because you've experienced those feelings yourself. I did have a woman from another state send me a message explaining that she was very likely going to move to my city but then she also said that she was quite a bit taller than I was but that really wouldn't be a problem for her. I didn't respond to her email and I felt a little guilty about it because afterall she had taken the time to put together a friendly message and send it to me. It was the height thing that bothered me but now I kind of wish I would have at least had the courtesy to express that fact to her in a friendly way and to wish her good luck.
For whatever reason I've had a few women who were taller than me become interested and even dated a few but for whatever reason I just felt foolish looking so short next to them.
I didn't reply to A LOT of men, including my husband. (I finally responded to his 3rd message. ) He also wasn't the first man to write me multiple times despite my lack of response. Unfortunately, in my past experience I found that if I responded to a message, even if I stated I wasn't interested, they still took that message as "hope." Then they would keep writing me, asking me why I wasn't writing them back. Some would watch to see if I was online and write me as soon as that green light was there. Many got belligerent, which I could never understand. Why would I write someone back after they've been nasty to me?!? One went as far as to create a whole webpage bashing me. So needless to say, I found it was in my best interest not to respond at all.
I know there were some men I wrote and they didn't reply back. I got the hint and wasn't offended by it.
As for winks...I don't feel they require a response at all if you're not interested.
I tried a few sites back when I was single and it really all depends on the site, the person responding to my ad, how they responded, what was in their profile or a combination of these. I definitely didn't respond to winks and the like. If we actually had a conversation and I lost interest at some point, I would tell him as much instead of leaving him hanging.
So if somebody "winks", emails you a note, communicates a bit, or otherwise expresses "interest" online, what happens if you're "not interested"? Is it better to drop a note and politely say "no thanks", etc. or should you just ignore them?
I'm thinking particularly of instances where maybe you've both had at least a couple email exchanges or even a phone call, but it soon becomes apparent that you're not a good "fit". Now maybe it's different when women say "no" to men, but I'm surprised at how many gals don't seem to be able to accept a polite "sorry we didn't work out, but best of luck in your search". And after receiving a few cranky replies, enumerating my (many) faults, and that I was basically doing them a "favor", etc. by ending things, frankly it's difficult not to consider the option of doing nothing and simply letting things "drift off"!
So what's the consensus out there these days in "Online Dating Land" re: saying "thanks, but no thanks"....?
i didnt read your post but to answer the subject line, yes, if possible tell them you are not interested. so they wouldn't keep expecting u to answer or wonder if u received their message.
So if somebody "winks", emails you a note, communicates a bit, or otherwise expresses "interest" online, what happens if you're "not interested"? Is it better to drop a note and politely say "no thanks", etc. or should you just ignore them?
I'm thinking particularly of instances where maybe you've both had at least a couple email exchanges or even a phone call, but it soon becomes apparent that you're not a good "fit". Now maybe it's different when women say "no" to men, but I'm surprised at how many gals don't seem to be able to accept a polite "sorry we didn't work out, but best of luck in your search". And after receiving a few cranky replies, enumerating my (many) faults, and that I was basically doing them a "favor", etc. by ending things, frankly it's difficult not to consider the option of doing nothing and simply letting things "drift off"!
So what's the consensus out there these days in "Online Dating Land" re: saying "thanks, but no thanks"....?
I just say "I'm not interested". It's more rude to ignore a message and it also leaves the person hanging, especially in situations where you've exchanged multiple emails. However, I don't reply that often if it's just a one-liner. How often I reply is usually proportional to their effort.
It's their fault for being rude, but don't be rude as a response.
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If you strike out, it is better than losing the game on the last run of the home inning. Some gals get their kicks from that though!
