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its hard for u to understand i guess.. people dont understand teenagers minds... hes TRYING hes been trying its hard when thats the life you known for so long and those are the only friends you have. his sister introduced him to a goodcrowd then refused him to talk to them again. you make him sound like the devil, he wants help....he knows hes done wrong, he takes responsibility for it, but now hes taking responsibility for all of their actions... i d k i gues lastra is the only person that see's were i am coming from now.
no he wasnt in a drug program he doesnt do any drugs and neither do i. he was in a program because he was tried in family court. he has been trere every time i needed him he has sat by my side all night hes the only guy who has not tried to get in my pants, he respects me and my choices. hes understands me. and i understand him. hes an amazing friend. we are NOT DATING. he wanted to straighten his life out first. we have actual convo's. he treats me right. hes never hit me called me nasty names or anything. hes the sweatest guy i know. he understands my problems and i understand his. we complete each other, and we BOTH know it. i cant lkive with out him... trust me I TRIED. and he tried to for a while, we just always one way or another slide back to each other. he came all the way to ga in dump trucks and simi's just to see me. i cant live with out him, I LOVE HIM.. even if he does go to jail, i will be there for him when he gets out, and i will FIND HIM THE HELP HE NEEDS.
Wow. Honey... from reading this, I hate to say it, but I think you're just going to have to learn from your own mistakes on this one. You don't know what you don't know, you aren't open-minded enough to listen to sense, and you gotta do what you gotta do. So get to it and good luck.
Note, though, you did not answer my questions completely. You answered about drug abuse, but you did not mention your or his alcohol use. And while you stated it was not a drug rehab program, you did not say if it was an alcohol rehab program.... and if not, what kind of program are you talking about.
Not that any of that will likely matter. But the kind of stuff you're posting is the kind of stuff I see from kids who into some form of substance abuse. If that is not the case with you and him, then there's some serious mental illness at work... and I won't joke about it, either, as I know it's painful, and it's the kind of temporary problem that some people will seek to fix with a permanent solution. [purposefully cryptic].
its hard for u to understand i guess.. people dont understand teenagers minds... hes TRYING hes been trying its hard when thats the life you known for so long and those are the only friends you have. his sister introduced him to a goodcrowd then refused him to talk to them again. you make him sound like the devil, he wants help....he knows hes done wrong, he takes responsibility for it, but now hes taking responsibility for all of their actions... i d k i gues lastra is the only person that see's were i am coming from now.
No we understand. We are once a teenager too. We once do ****ed up things too. What makes you better than us? We are telling you from our past experiences. You have the right to choose not to listen but you posted on the forum. A good start there. You are looking for help but you aint open-minded enough and have the guts to take it like a person. Blaming everything else. Sucks it ...take it ..and move on
Kiss him goodbye. whether you testify or not, tell him in no uncertain terms, that if you two really love eachother, you will plan accordingly for a successful future together, and to do so, requires a little elbow grease in the meantime. Stay in school, put back money, write him letters. bide your time, whateve rthe case may be. Let him do his time. Tell him that he needs to man up to what he did. (even if he did no more than lack the willpower to stay the hell away from his crappy friends). and perhaps next time, when they come walking up the beach - he'll turn around and walk the other way with you. If he wants to fight for a better life, he needs to pick his chin up off the ground and fight, instead of throwing pity parties when his hand gets caught in the cookie jar.
Whether he serves jail time or not, the state WILL hook him up with people and departments and doctors and what not, that will have classes available. support groups available. counseling available. I know you want to mean the world to him - but there's somethings you can't change for him, sweety.
It's a decision he has to make to better himself. It sucks, and it sounds mean, but all in all, it shouldn't have anything to do with you.
I would say, just from a long shot ~ that this isn't healthy. Never play favor to your fancies by assuming you "love him to death...and just can't live without him". It came from the books and the movies, and needs to stay there. If you can't learn to live and love yourself and be happy on your own, you will always be looking for more than what any partner can offer you in a relationship. You're too young to be fretting over all this now. ...and grrrrrrr, I 'm still sticking by my guns and saying if he LOVED you, he wouldn't put you in this position to begin with.
As jerry Springer say's Heres my final thought, If you testify or not it won't matter, you gave a statement to the police and they WILL use it in court. he is going to get whatever the court decides. You have no control what will happen to him.
I wish you would stop worrying about him and start thinking of yourself, you are to young to be on meds for three differant things, you should go get a 2nd and 3rd opinion from good doctors on your medical condition, your medication is probably clouding your thought process. Let the justic system handle your boyfriend and take care of yourself, if things are meant to work out they will.
I wish you the best of luck
Location: Lived Large in Parsippany NJ - Lived Larger in Livingston, NJ -- Now Living Huge in Bethlehem PA
466 posts, read 2,200,289 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JSOM
no he wasnt in a drug program he doesnt do any drugs and neither do i. he was in a program because he was tried in family court. he has been trere every time i needed him he has sat by my side all night hes the only guy who has not tried to get in my pants, he respects me and my choices. hes understands me. and i understand him. hes an amazing friend. we are NOT DATING. he wanted to straighten his life out first. we have actual convo's. he treats me right. hes never hit me called me nasty names or anything. hes the sweatest guy i know. he understands my problems and i understand his. we complete each other, and we BOTH know it. i cant lkive with out him... trust me I TRIED. and he tried to for a while, we just always one way or another slide back to each other. he came all the way to ga in dump trucks and simi's just to see me. i cant live with out him, I LOVE HIM.. even if he does go to jail, i will be there for him when he gets out, and i will FIND HIM THE HELP HE NEEDS.
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You might be too young to know this but there is an adage that goes something like this "if it is meant to be yours let it free and no matter where it goes or what happens it will still come back home to you"
You seem to have your mind made but unfortunately you did talk to the detectives in the first place which signifies your good intentions - now whether you choose to testify or not they can use whatever you said during trial without having you testify.
Now here is the no brainer - you have already given a statement to the police so if you choose to run away or not the damage has already been done and aint nothing you can do about that - now if you still want to run away be ready to face the consequences and also if you decide not to testify there might be a few consequences with that as well.
You actually did good by initiating the process now follow your good heart and finish it up by testifying if asked to.
We have all been teenagers before and did stupid things but there are certain things in life you have to choose carefully and wisely.
You also stated you can find him the help he needs why haven't you done so already if you really know how to help him - for someone to help another person the one being helped needs to help themselves first..which is not happening here.
If you still want to be with this guy - good luck and lets see how it works out for 12 months.
I have slept all night for the first night in a week. NICK NEEDS HELP.. AND YOUR RIGHT... I CANT help him inless HE HELPS HIMSELF. i know he loves me and i know i love him, but thats not the issue anymore.
i went to speak with him yesterday about it all, he asked me to testify on the defence, expaining his need for help, and how he wasnt the only one involved in this crime... it must be better than testifying on the states side, right?
his lawyer told me they will still try to pin it on him, by using me.. he said just tell the truth, he made the mistake and he is gonna fix it.
he sent his sister a letter and yeasterday it came, i read it before i went to sleep, he wanted her to tell me to wait for him to get all better. he dont want me to fall for another guy, he wants me to give him another chance. lol he also said he wants to win my heart back lol he must not understand he already has it. we both know hes going away for awile and the next time and the last time i will see him again (until he returns home) will be at court.
i want to say a goodbye on the stand. after they are done with me testifying im gonna ask to speak one last thing. and thats when ill tell him i will wait and he aready has my heart and not to worry about any other guy cuz it would be impossible to fall in love with someone else because the only one i love is right infront of me.
Don't say "good-bye" on the stand in front of the judge or jury. You might as well be saying "You're guilty." Presumably his attorney will be putting on some sort of defense for him and you could completely screw it up by saying that.
Leave the drama to the television and movies. Give your honest testimony and then go about your business. Who knows? He may be found not guilty or if he is guilty, he may get probation.
im not gonna say goodbye, let me reword that.. thats not what was going through my mind. i just wanted to let him know he already has my heart and what ever happens i will be here for him the same as he has done for me. you oviously didnt read about the letter he wrote me, any who im gonna ask to speak to him alone, and his atorny says i can do that if i request to. and i will tell him that he dont have to worry about any other guys cuz the one i want is right here. and i love him, and i will wait for him to get better.. how ever long it takes, i will be waiting.
JSOM.. I think you're emphasizing on something that in the beginning you said wasn't even the point here. He needs to get better. Whether he is with you or not. this is about helping him.... ? Everyone under the sun has told you by now - that he needs to change for the good of himself.. not for anyone else. whether it's a concerned significat other, a mother, a sibling, a counselor... all you are doing is focusing on "needing to be with him and letting him know there will never be another guy in your life..cause he has your heart"
I agree with above poster. Leave the drama in the movies.
Kudos
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