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I was wondering, are there many people out there who don't believe in marriage at the most basic level? Without first hand experience?
I see a lot of posts from jilted divorcee's or from children who had to witness the divorce of their own parents, but how many people, who have never been married or divorced or the child of divorced parents, are there who still don't believe in marriage? What is your reasoning?
My siblings don't believe in marriage because they think they are hot stuff and they won't ever be able to find a guy worthy of their lasting attention - only good enough for their temporary attention. They are always talking about how stupid/boring the guys around them are, not intellectual or good looking enough for them, etc. One of my siblings is always talking about how my husband is so much beneath me. I guess an inflated sense of self is why they don't believe marriage.
I don't believe in marriages, only legal unions. Marriage to me is a spiritual/religious entity which is only made available to some people, not others. Because of its unequal and unfair nature I don't believe in it.
I think the problem comes from buying into a fairy tale and then becoming disenchanted, rather than disbelief in the institution of marriage itself.
Here's the thing. Marriage is extraordinarily rewarding IF....
-- Both partners put the other person above themselves.
-- Both partners put the health of the marriage above each other. After all, you're building something together.
-- Conversely, neither partner allows themselves to be the junior partner
-- Communication is honest, open, and respectful at all times.
-- One realizes that partnership is both emotional and financial. In other words, be wise with your money.
-- One realizes that nobody comes between you and your spouse. Not your parents, not your brother and sister, and not your children.
-- Likewise, both realize that their partners had lives before marriage, including friends and family and understand the importance of those relationships.
-- Both realize that compromises are often needed.
-- You consider your partner to be your best friend.
-- You take care of yourself to remain attractive to the other person.
-- You don't get uptight about the little things.
-- You talk every day. And by that I don't mean the business of the marriage or the recounting of each other's day. Really talk to your significant other.
-- You turn off the damned television, Wii, or computer.
-- You realize that it's not his money and her money. It is your money.
-- You realize that children, no matter how much you adore them, are only guests in your life. If you do your job as a parent, they will grow up and move out.
I think the problem (Reinforced daily by some really naive postings on this board) is that the marriage ceremony is the finish line. Hey, that's how all Hollywood romances end, right? The truth, however, is that the wedding is only the beginning. Too bad many people don't understand that.
Here's the thing. Marriage is extraordinarily rewarding IF....
-- Both partners put the other person above themselves.
-- Both partners put the health of the marriage above each other. After all, you're building something together.
-- Conversely, neither partner allows themselves to be the junior partner
-- Communication is honest, open, and respectful at all times.
-- One realizes that partnership is both emotional and financial. In other words, be wise with your money.
-- One realizes that nobody comes between you and your spouse. Not your parents, not your brother and sister, and not your children.
-- Likewise, both realize that their partners had lives before marriage, including friends and family and understand the importance of those relationships.
-- Both realize that compromises are often needed.
-- You consider your partner to be your best friend.
-- You take care of yourself to remain attractive to the other person.
-- You don't get uptight about the little things.
-- You talk every day. And by that I don't mean the business of the marriage or the recounting of each other's day. Really talk to your significant other.
-- You turn off the damned television, Wii, or computer.
-- You realize that it's not his money and her money. It is your money.
-- You realize that children, no matter how much you adore them, are only guests in your life. If you do your job as a parent, they will grow up and move out.
That sounds a lot like my parents' marriage, and they're the reason that I do believe in true love and marriage. For them, all you've listed is just what you do when you love someone and want to be with them, so marriage isn't "work". It's not even a conscious decision in their minds.
That sounds a lot like my parents' marriage, and they're the reason that I do believe in true love and marriage. For them, all you've listed is just what you do when you love someone and want to be with them, so marriage isn't "work". It's not even a conscious decision in their minds.
Well, I agree with you with one minor quibble. Marriage is work in the sense that you have to learn these things until they become second nature. It's one thing to understand them intellectually, but another thing entirely to put them into practice.
I think the problem comes from buying into a fairy tale and then becoming disenchanted, rather than disbelief in the institution of marriage itself.
Here's the thing. Marriage is extraordinarily rewarding IF....
-- Both partners put the other person above themselves.
-- Both partners put the health of the marriage above each other. After all, you're building something together.
-- Conversely, neither partner allows themselves to be the junior partner
-- Communication is honest, open, and respectful at all times.
-- One realizes that partnership is both emotional and financial. In other words, be wise with your money.
-- One realizes that nobody comes between you and your spouse. Not your parents, not your brother and sister, and not your children.
-- Likewise, both realize that their partners had lives before marriage, including friends and family and understand the importance of those relationships.
-- Both realize that compromises are often needed.
-- You consider your partner to be your best friend.
-- You take care of yourself to remain attractive to the other person.
-- You don't get uptight about the little things.
-- You talk every day. And by that I don't mean the business of the marriage or the recounting of each other's day. Really talk to your significant other.
-- You turn off the damned television, Wii, or computer.
-- You realize that it's not his money and her money. It is your money.
-- You realize that children, no matter how much you adore them, are only guests in your life. If you do your job as a parent, they will grow up and move out.
I think the problem (Reinforced daily by some really naive postings on this board) is that the marriage ceremony is the finish line. Hey, that's how all Hollywood romances end, right? The truth, however, is that the wedding is only the beginning. Too bad many people don't understand that.
I think the problem comes from buying into a fairy tale and then becoming disenchanted, rather than disbelief in the institution of marriage itself.
Here's the thing. Marriage is extraordinarily rewarding IF....
-- Both partners put the other person above themselves.
-- Both partners put the health of the marriage above each other. After all, you're building something together.
-- Conversely, neither partner allows themselves to be the junior partner
-- Communication is honest, open, and respectful at all times.
-- One realizes that partnership is both emotional and financial. In other words, be wise with your money.
-- One realizes that nobody comes between you and your spouse. Not your parents, not your brother and sister, and not your children.
-- Likewise, both realize that their partners had lives before marriage, including friends and family and understand the importance of those relationships.
-- Both realize that compromises are often needed.
-- You consider your partner to be your best friend.
-- You take care of yourself to remain attractive to the other person.
-- You don't get uptight about the little things.
-- You talk every day. And by that I don't mean the business of the marriage or the recounting of each other's day. Really talk to your significant other.
-- You turn off the damned television, Wii, or computer.
-- You realize that it's not his money and her money. It is your money.
-- You realize that children, no matter how much you adore them, are only guests in your life. If you do your job as a parent, they will grow up and move out.
I think the problem (Reinforced daily by some really naive postings on this board) is that the marriage ceremony is the finish line. Hey, that's how all Hollywood romances end, right? The truth, however, is that the wedding is only the beginning. Too bad many people don't understand that.
I agree with all of your points, but I think that most people couldn't possibly live up to all of the items on your list.
I agree with all of your points, but I think that most people couldn't possibly live up to all of the items on your list.
Seriously? How hard could this possibly be? I mean, if one is self-centered, I could see where this is a problem. But if one doesn't think about oneself 24/7 is can be rather easy.
I think the problem comes from buying into a fairy tale and then becoming disenchanted, rather than disbelief in the institution of marriage itself.
Here's the thing. Marriage is extraordinarily rewarding IF....
-- Both partners put the other person above themselves.
-- Both partners put the health of the marriage above each other. After all, you're building something together.
-- Conversely, neither partner allows themselves to be the junior partner
-- Communication is honest, open, and respectful at all times.
-- One realizes that partnership is both emotional and financial. In other words, be wise with your money.
-- One realizes that nobody comes between you and your spouse. Not your parents, not your brother and sister, and not your children.
-- Likewise, both realize that their partners had lives before marriage, including friends and family and understand the importance of those relationships.
-- Both realize that compromises are often needed.
-- You consider your partner to be your best friend.
-- You take care of yourself to remain attractive to the other person.
-- You don't get uptight about the little things.
-- You talk every day. And by that I don't mean the business of the marriage or the recounting of each other's day. Really talk to your significant other.
-- You turn off the damned television, Wii, or computer.
-- You realize that it's not his money and her money. It is your money.
-- You realize that children, no matter how much you adore them, are only guests in your life. If you do your job as a parent, they will grow up and move out.
I think the problem (Reinforced daily by some really naive postings on this board) is that the marriage ceremony is the finish line. Hey, that's how all Hollywood romances end, right? The truth, however, is that the wedding is only the beginning. Too bad many people don't understand that.
That is an excellent post. People tend to forget these points or elect not to follow those points and wonder why theyr marraige fails.
Quote:
Originally Posted by passionatearts
I agree with all of your points, but I think that most people couldn't possibly live up to all of the items on your list.
Really it is about treating each other with respect. Not walking all over your partner or telling them lies or other stupid things
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Seriously? How hard could this possibly be? I mean, if one is self-centered, I could see where this is a problem. But if one doesn't think about oneself 24/7 is can be rather easy.
It is one thing to look out for number 1. It is a whole different can of worms to be self centered and give no one else any consideration.
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