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I've made replies in this Forum about couples I know that have been married for 35 plus years, including some of my classmates from 1968.......BUT, that sure DOESN'T mean they are all happily married anymore! I have found out that some "long-time married" spouses want to brag about being married for years upon years, especially when asked "how long you been married?" or when their Wedding Anniversary comes around, but in truth they are not in a good/happy marriage.
My wife's sister is exactly that way! She's been married for almost 40 years, but doesn't like being around her husband hardly at all. She spends as much time as she can with her daughter, her husband and the grandkids who live 70 miles away from her home. When we call her, we have to ask how he is, because she absolutely refuses to talk about him. She basically lives life away from him and they are both happy with that arrangement. Her high religious beliefs won't allow her to leave him, plus at her age of 66, she probably feels to old to start over again.
Now, I do know some VERY happy couples that have been married for years (35 plus).......so it does happen. Wife and I been married for 10 yrs, which have included some disagreements, but we still love each other very, very much and do lots of things together.
So, do you know of any "long-time" marriages that aren't so good or good at all? What about ones that are great?
I see some of these marriages right in my neighborhood, but having lived many places over the years, this is a rare situation to find. And while we've only been together 11 years, I think we're on track to be part of the 10%.
I've made replies in this Forum about couples I know that have been married for 35 plus years, including some of my classmates from 1968.......BUT, that sure DOESN'T mean they are all happily married anymore! I have found out that some "long-time married" spouses want to brag about being married for years upon years, especially when asked "how long you been married?" or when their Wedding Anniversary comes around, but in truth they are not in a good/happy marriage.
My wife's sister is exactly that way! She's been married for almost 40 years, but doesn't like being around her husband hardly at all. She spends as much time as she can with her daughter, her husband and the grandkids who live 70 miles away from her home. When we call her, we have to ask how he is, because she absolutely refuses to talk about him. She basically lives life away from him and they are both happy with that arrangement. Her high religious beliefs won't allow her to leave him, plus at her age of 66, she probably feels to old to start over again.
Now, I do know some VERY happy couples that have been married for years (35 plus).......so it does happen. Wife and I been married for 10 yrs, which have included some disagreements, but we still love each other very, very much and do lots of things together.
So, do you know of any "long-time" marriages that aren't so good or good at all? What about ones that are great?
I have to agree with you...my boyfriend was married for 16 years..He told me and others his marriage wasn't happy, he had people tell him he had to stay married for his daughters..he was miserable, the kids were miserable, then he said why should I be unhappy, and what am I showing my girls, marriage is about respect and if their mom wants to have an affair I dont have to be around and put up with it. He told his mom, leaving her was the best thing he's ever done, he said he didnt want to go thru 15 more years with a loveless marriage, he's happy now, the girls are happy.
My bestfriend growing up her parents were married for 30 years, they finally got divorced, he remarried, he loved his 2nd wife, more than life itself, she told me even tho my mom and dad had been married for so long my dad is happy now, her mom is happy too.
So just because you've been married for a long time doesn't mean its all good, many times its not.
To those who have a long happy marriage I applaud you. You know what the true meaning of love is..
I believe it was true more so when our grandparents were married. They just did not split up and divorce like couples do today. Now it's not near the stigma to divorce especialy after the kids have left home.
To some degree you need to define long term. I define it as 20+ or more years. Some people might consider 10 years long in a hellish marriage.
Most of my mother's family were/are in long term relationship and are miserable. I don't think I know anyone on her side that is happily married, my grandparents included. What Rakin said is true, in my grandparents day, they just didn't divorce, they just tolerated each other until the end.
I have heard of long marriages that have been happy but I haven't seen too many. It's sad.
A big-time APPLAUD/STANDING OVATION to your man!! I just wish MORE men and women could see to do this! I don't care what anyone says, staying in an unhappy marriage is totally bad for the children!!
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Originally Posted by jeepgirl27
I have to agree with you...my boyfriend was married for 16 years..He told me and others his marriage wasn't happy, he had people tell him he had to stay married for his daughters..he was miserable, the kids were miserable, then he said why should I be unhappy, and what am I showing my girls, marriage is about respect and if their mom wants to have an affair I dont have to be around and put up with it. He told his mom, leaving her was the best thing he's ever done, he said he didnt want to go thru 15 more years with a loveless marriage, he's happy now, the girls are happy.My bestfriend growing up her parents were married for 30 years, they finally got divorced, he remarried, he loved his 2nd wife, more than life itself, she told me even tho my mom and dad had been married for so long my dad is happy now, her mom is happy too.
So just because you've been married for a long time doesn't mean its all good, many times its not.
To those who have a long happy marriage I applaud you. You know what the true meaning of love is..
I dated a lady years ago that was going thru a divorce from 18 yrs of marriage (married right out of high school). Her husband worked lots of OT and about the only time they seen each other was for two weeks of vacation each year. He got home late, up early and worked lots of weekends. She talked to him about all of the OT he was doing and this is what he said (she told me) "I work all of these hours so you and the kids can have what you got......a nice 2-story home w/jacuzzi in a nice area, the motorhome, the ski boat, the jet ski and on top of that, you don't have to work. So, in order for me to provide all of this, it takes money!" Actually, I had never been in a home where there was a tv in every room, including the bathrooms......that's the way it was there! Anyway, he had been talking to/confiding in a lady in their motorhome club about his marriage and got interested in her. Only thing was, she was married and having marital problems as well. Believe it or not, she left her husband and moved in with him!
Another lady I knew was married for 28 years and got tired of how her husband was treating her. She said "I should have got this divorce 10 years ago instead of sticking around for the boys to leave home. I was miserable and it got to the point I hated him!"
I don't think any relationship is perfect, there are bound to be differences, it's often about how much you are willing to go that extra mile to accommodate the wishes of your loved ones, I don't think relationships are ones where you desert your partner just because you feel you are not happy one day, I feel such decisions should be taken with some insight and long term planning instead of being picky about every small defects of the other person.
Good topic! Thanks!...Some of my longtime married friends have a large degree of "separatism" in their marriages...I posted about one friend in another thread. Her husband spends most of "his time" in his office chatting with his friends on Facebook. My friend spends time with her daughter and sisters and friends independently....I think spouses need some time apart. I think it's important to keep growing as individuals...But I don't think I'd want a totally "separatist" type of marriage like some of my longtime married friends have...How do you feel about it? Thanks.
Good topic! Thanks!...Some of my longtime married friends have a large degree of "separatism" in their marriages...I posted about one friend in another thread. Her husband spends most of "his time" in his office chatting with his friends on Facebook. My friend spends time with her daughter and sisters and friends independently....I think spouses need some time apart. I think it's important to keep growing as individuals...But I don't think I'd want a totally "separatist" type of marriage like some of my longtime married friends have...How do you feel about it? Thanks.
If a couple doesn't enjoy spending time together, then the marriage is pretty empty, IMO. It may work as a business arrangement, but not much more. Yes, growing as individuals is important, but so is growing together.
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