How Has Your Upbring Effected Your Relationships? (date, loving, husband)
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I guess I'm mostly talking about your parents' marriage, or the marriage of those who raised you.
Reading another thread got me wondering, how many of you grew up in happy families and how many did not. Also, if you were fortunate, have you been able to find the same happiness that your parents had, able to duplicate that bliss in your own relationships? If you grew up in a bad family situation has that plagued you in your relationships?
We are effected, regardless. I think good/bad fortune can also play a part.
I grew up in... a hard working & happy family. My childhood memories are mostly happy but there was an undercurrent of stress. Financial stress & 5 kids will make it difficult, at times.
I was (and am) the most perceptive of the 5, so seem to be more aware of that stress than my siblings were.
What this taught me was: You stick with your family. Doesn't matter how tough it might be, you don't walk out.
My dad is everything to me. I am a self confessed daddy's girl. Not in the negative stereotype, in the sense that he has shown me all the good things in men & we actually talk to each other in a very equal manner.
He is kind, hardworking, has integrity and devotion to his family. That is now my expectation in finding a partner.
I grew up in... a hard working & happy family. My childhood memories are mostly happy but there was an undercurrent of stress. Financial stress & 5 kids will make it difficult, at times.
I was (and am) the most perceptive of the 5, so seem to be more aware of that stress than my siblings were.
What this taught me was: You stick with your family. Doesn't matter how tough it might be, you don't walk out.
My dad is everything to me. I am a self confessed daddy's girl. Not in the negative stereotype, in the sense that he has shown me all the good things in men & we actually talk to each other in a very equal manner.
He is kind, hardworking, has integrity and devotion to his family. That is now my expectation in finding a partner.
Heartwarming.. I think my daughter would say these kinds of things about me. I hope so anyway. It's about all I live for..
My father was awful. Won't go into the details. My mom did the best she could. I never felt my dad loved me. Wasn't till recently that I came to grips with it and realized just how it has affected my relationships. Hard to believe that any man could love me since I knew my father never did. Always seem to pick the wrong men. So many years have gone by. Probably too late for things to change.
I really hope it's not too late. Is it ever? I don't know. I know that life is so often not equitable, and is so complex that it is impossible to compare horror stories, as to what effect they've had, or what we should be able to get over. What I wish for you is that you find the right guy. Maybe go for the squares for a change. Is that relevant?
I married a man that was just like my mother. Very moody, depressive, emotionally unavailable. Etc. I think it is because I feel so conformtable close to him, it felt so familiar.
Anyway, I have not interest in marry another man like that... LOL, but looking back, yes I married not my father but my mother.
I married a man that was just like my mother. Very moody, depressive, emotionally unavailable. Etc. I think it is because I feel so conformtable close to him, it felt so familiar.
Anyway, I have not interest in marry another man like that... LOL, but looking back, yes I married not my father but my mother.
Ha, yeah, I guess it can happen. I think we do seek what we grow up with. Even if it is not healthy, it is what is as you say, familiar to us. I grew up with so much conflict that anything less felt boring. It took me more than a few years to figure out that what I was doing in my life, in my romantic life or not, was creating conflict where it didn't exist.. It just felt right.
I really hope it's not too late. Is it ever? I don't know. I know that life is so often not equitable, and is so complex that it is impossible to compare horror stories, as to what effect they've had, or what we should be able to get over. What I wish for you is that you find the right guy. Maybe go for the squares for a change. Is that relevant?
Yes, it is relevant. Thank you. I am though, right now, working on loving myself then maybe my relationships will be better. Bless Ya.
Yes, it is relevant. Thank you. I am though, right now, working on loving myself then maybe my relationships will be better. Bless Ya.
Loving yourself is so important. That's the hardest thing - even when you come from a loving, stable home. My parents love for me is unconditional and it still took my a long time to figure out how to love myself. However, I think what is easier when you come from a healthy family is knowing how you deserve to be treated. Although it took me awhile to learn to love myself - I always knew that I deserved to be treated well. I never had a relationship with someone that treated me badly. But the loving yourself - that is huge!!! Good luck on your journey!
I guess I'm mostly talking about your parents' marriage, or the marriage of those who raised you.
Reading another thread got me wondering, how many of you grew up in happy families and how many did not. Also, if you were fortunate, have you been able to find the same happiness that your parents had, able to duplicate that bliss in your own relationships? If you grew up in a bad family situation has that plagued you in your relationships?
We are effected, regardless. I think good/bad fortune can also play a part.
This thread has already been played out in my head. I've done some soul searching in the last couple of yrs. Thought about things about my childhood, about how my parents raised me, and what kind of impact it has had on all my relationships with people, particularly women.
My parents were very very dysfunctional, and no, there wasn't any fun in the dysfunction.
My parents divorced when I was 2 yrs old. My dad was and is a stone drunk. He wasn't around much in my "formative" yrs. He was too busy trying to find the bottom of every bottle he came across.
My mom bounced from man to man, I got to be moved many many times, I swear you'd think I was an army brat with all of the moving I was subjected to when I was a kid. I got the pleasure of seeing my mom beaten up a few times, lots and lots of drama. She wasn't as big a drunk as my dad, but she did Ok in the boozing department. We were always friggin broke too, I went to school in less then stellar clothing, yeah, I had clothes but when your in high school people make fun of you if you dress less then "cool" LOL
My mom was also very very closed off, never said I love you, never once. That being said we were really close, it was like me and her against the world, as I didn't have siblings. Yeah, I know, I just contradicted myself. It was weird in how we were close, yet she was oddly cold to me a times. She one time dropped me off at my dads and disappeared for 6 months. I never found out where she was or went to til just a couple of yrs ago. Sad really sad for a 8 yrs old kid to not be able to understand why she would just take off like that. She showed back up and I was once again up rooted out of school, since I was living with my dad at the time.
So, my Dad, I'm not sure where to begin. He is a pretty critical guy, nit picks every little thing. I was never physically abused by either of my parents, but I swear sometimes the verbal nagging can really have an impact on you. Like said earlier, he's a major drunk, I think he was wrestling with his demons, as he had a pretty bad relationship with his Dad.
So a summation as they do in trial movies...... I'm a screwed up dude. But, I have done way way more with my life then my upbringing would have suggested. Went to college, got a decent job make pretty good money,I try to live my with a good and moral code. I try to do the best I can.
Relationships with others.... still pretty tough, I have a great woman in my life and I have a hard time telling her that I love her, she know I do, and I'm working on getting a little better with allowing her and others to get close to me.
Like they say,it's a journey, not a destination....
This thread has already been played out in my head. I've done some soul searching in the last couple of yrs. Thought about things about my childhood, about how my parents raised me, and what kind of impact it has had on all my relationships with people, particularly women.
My parents were very very dysfunctional, and no, there wasn't any fun in the dysfunction.
My parents divorced when I was 2 yrs old. My dad was and is a stone drunk. He wasn't around much in my "formative" yrs. He was too busy trying to find the bottom of every bottle he came across.
My mom bounced from man to man, I got to be moved many many times, I swear you'd think I was an army brat with all of the moving I was subjected to when I was a kid. I got the pleasure of seeing my mom beaten up a few times, lots and lots of drama. She wasn't as big a drunk as my dad, but she did Ok in the boozing department. We were always friggin broke too, I went to school in less then stellar clothing, yeah, I had clothes but when your in high school people make fun of you if you dress less then "cool" LOL
My mom was also very very closed off, never said I love you, never once. That being said we were really close, it was like me and her against the world, as I didn't have siblings. Yeah, I know, I just contradicted myself. It was weird in how we were close, yet she was oddly cold to me a times. She one time dropped me off at my dads and disappeared for 6 months. I never found out where she was or went to til just a couple of yrs ago. Sad really sad for a 8 yrs old kid to not be able to understand why she would just take off like that. She showed back up and I was once again up rooted out of school, since I was living with my dad at the time.
So, my Dad, I'm not sure where to begin. He is a pretty critical guy, nit picks every little thing. I was never physically abused by either of my parents, but I swear sometimes the verbal nagging can really have an impact on you. Like said earlier, he's a major drunk, I think he was wrestling with his demons, as he had a pretty bad relationship with his Dad.
So a summation as they do in trial movies...... I'm a screwed up dude. But, I have done way way more with my life then my upbringing would have suggested. Went to college, got a decent job make pretty good money,I try to live my with a good and moral code. I try to do the best I can.
Relationships with others.... still pretty tough, I have a great woman in my life and I have a hard time telling her that I love her, she know I do, and I'm working on getting a little better with allowing her and others to get close to me.
Like they say,it's a journey, not a destination....
Or as I sometimes like to joke around and say.
"Buckle up"
Thank you, thank you, thank you! We have some things in common. My parents also divorced when I was two years old; which by the way, I recently heard is the age that causes the most harm for kids. I didn't have the steady procession of men to deal with, but I did have a step father for about eight years that was cold as ice. He didn't abuse me, he would have had to notice that I was there to do that. And I didn't have the alcohol abuse to deal with, but our numbers are in sync again when you mention that your mother disappeared for six months. That was just how long my father, though literally on the other side of town, chose to have absolutely no contact with me. Didn't you feel like, what in the hell did I do? I know he doesn't like her, but now me as well?! Selfish behavior, or was it desperate behavior?
Just a question, do you have children? If so, how much of a challenge has it been to not repeat this stuff?
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