Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Here's the situation: I have some future plans with someone--after the tax season is over. We've discussed these plans a few times.
Mostly what she does is acquiese to things that I have suggested. Occasionally, she will come up with ideas of her own, which I admit sound good...but mostly, she seems to want me to handle the planning.
Now, here comes the question: if you were talking about some plans with someone, or they wanted to make plans with you, would you not just bluntly tell them that you were not interested, or would you let them prattle along? Would you respond to their emails, or would you block them? I mean, if you were not interested, would you continue the conversation?
I find people hard to read sometimes. The fact that she doesn't seem to contribute much to the discussion, but just seems to go along with what I suggest, seems to indicate disinterest. But I would think that if you were not interested, you would be blunt enough to say so.
Also, I am primarily the one who probes and asks questions, I have had to initiate all contact with her, even though I've invited her to call me (and long distance charges are not an issue, according to her). Right now, I do operate under a pretty crazy schedule, what with having two jobs for the duration of tax season.
If you weren't interested, wouldn't you come out and say so?
Maybe she's not interested or maybe she's just a little interested but isn't sure.
Or maybe.. she has old fashioned values and thinks that is the man's position, the whole outdated "courting" thing. Or she could just be shy. Who knows. If you like her, and you don't mind doing all the work, then continue where you're at. If not, then you know what to do.
"If you were talking about some plans with someone, or they wanted to make plans with you, would you not just bluntly tell them that you were not interested, or would you let them prattle along."
I cut to the chase on everything, life's too short to pretend to be interested or allow someone to bore you. I get enough of that during meetings at work.
It sounds like the woman is passive and allowing you to plan everything. This would bore me to tears if I were the man. I would want someone with an opinion and the intelligence to express it. But to each his own.
It sounds like the woman is passive and allowing you to plan everything. This would bore me to tears if I were the man. I would want someone with an opinion and the intelligence to express it. But to each his own.
I agree here. I also have my own opinions and ideas of things to do. So of course, I'm going to voice what I'd like to do but there should be compromise. It shouldn't be my ideas all the time or vice versa. I'm also very blunt. But some people are slower in the dating scene than others.
If you sense disinterest, there is probably disinterest. Interest is usually pretty obvious.
I do...but then again I don't. I'm blunt enough to say, "Forget about it already, I'm not going anywhere with you." And I would expect that other people would get tired of hearing about something that they are NOT going to do, and would not want their time wasted on it.
In fact, at the beginning of the discussion, it was "I'm not sure if I want to go." Later, it was "Who would we be seeing, what would we be doing?"
At one point, she told me, "I want to take things slow." That doesn't sound like someone who is not interested. But I also feel that if I do most of the planning on what sorts of things to do, I'll come across as too "pushy", which isn't what I want to do. I do NOT want to rush into anything.
Many people do not know this but there are different personality types. The type you have described could be a Nine on the Enneagram (if you would like to read more about it) . . .there are people who never initiate contact because of a variety of reasons (again, you would have to educate yourself to thoroughly understand). If you would like to have a relationship with those people, you are going to have to initiate - that is all there is to it. You can't change them, so if you don't like it, then find another friend.
How do two non-initiators get together, LOL? I know what you mean.
Last edited by TKramar; 03-12-2011 at 12:49 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
