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My husband and I are close friends with a couple who are getting married this year.
We love hanging out with them and really enjoy their company... apart from one thing. They fight in front of us. And I mean REALLY fight. They would never fight out in public, but i think they feel comfortable enough in front of us to act as they would alone.
It makes DH and I SO uncomfortable to the point that I end up feeling quite traumatized by it. Lol.
I'm only talking verbal fighting of course, and I HAVE on occasion had similar fights with my husband - but that level of argument would represent our very worst fights and would NEVER be in front of someone else.
DH and I might have an 'exchange of views' in front of people. Lol. But never a full on fight.
So where do you draw the line?
If it needs to be said do you say it no matter who is present?
Are there certain friends you feel comfortable enough to have fights with your SO in front of?
Or are fights for in private only?
Does even an exchange of views make you uncomfortable or is that fine?
Where do YOU draw the line and at what point do you feel uncomfortable around friends?
I would definitely say something and say something to the woman in the relationship since you are too and in private. Just let her know that you and your husband are uncomfortable when both of them are fighting.
For me you would never fight in public and never in front of people you know.
Where do YOU draw the line and at what point do you feel uncomfortable around friends?
My immediate gut feeling is to say "ew".
There is absolutely no way I would argue in front of friends. And seeing friends argue would be on a level of seeing them display excessive PDAs. I wouldn't even be discreet in taking one of them aside, I'd immediately speak out and say "hey, you guys wanna take that somewhere private? No one wants to see you two squabbling." It's rude.
She must know we don't like it. This time we left within about 30 mins when the fight was still in full swing.
Good call. I suppose when you are the visitor there is the expectation that they needn't can it in their own home, but I'd immediately leave.
I remember several years back on a vacation to Colonial Williamsburg we saw a couple engaged in a public squabble. It wasn't loud or anything, just a couple pausing every 10 feet or so, looking very agitated with the wife stabbing her finger at the man and the guy waving his arms and looking thunderous. Even though they didn't raise their voices, it made everyone uncomfortable. They had an open space of about 15 feet as people drew near, saw what was happening, and scurried around, giving them a wide berth. I *snickered* and suggested to Dh that they be given period costumes; they could easily portray a fishwife and husband going at it; not long after, security came along and escorted them down a quiet side street to get it settled.
Its not 'honest, up front and frank' because you 'have nothing to hide'.
It is actually rude and immature. How about trying not to expect perfection from
each other, thereby reducing the amount of things to squabble about, since I'd
be willing to bet that neither of you is flawless? And even if you were, your friends
dont care and deserve a better time than that when in your presence.
Sorry D&D. It does worry me a bit that they argue like that BEFORE the wedding. Lol. But maybe that's just how they argue. They seem to make up and get over it pretty quickly.
A fight like that between DH and I would take a while to recover from!
Do bear in mind that while the people you argue in front of might seem not to mind too much, they are probably finding it excruciating. I am literally squirming inside while it's going on.
We stayed over with them once in their spare room and he ended up sleeping on the sofa after a HUGE blow out. It was so awkward that we literally considered getting out of bed and going to a hotel for the night.
They're awesome people, but this aspect is a little tough. I think we shouldn't stay over at theirs any more. That's when it all seems to go wrong - I guess because there's no escape for them to fight privately. It's a shame because they LOVE having us stay over and suggest it all the time. We really enjoy it too, but I can't take the fighting. Shame really. I like that they don't feel like they have to walk on egg shells around us, but it's just too much.
I think we shouldn't stay over at theirs any more. That's when it all seems to go wrong - I guess because there's no escape for them to fight privately. It's a shame because they LOVE having us stay over and suggest it all the time. We really enjoy it too, but I can't take the fighting. Shame really. I like that they don't feel like they have to walk on egg shells around us, but it's just too much.
A good host provides for the comfort of their guests. If it's making you uncomfortable to stay, I'd speak up. Who knows how many friendships they've tanked by their behavior.
They really sound like counseling is needed or an intervention if they aren't able to establish boundaries of issues/subjects to not discuss in front of other people for fear of getting into a fight. Or maybe it gives them a kick to fight in front of people? Maybe some sort of ... exhibitionist thrill? Makes me wonder if that's one of the reasons they are enthusiastic at having guests?
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But never a full on fight. 
It's rude.
