I have an issue with my gf's past promiscuity (dating, boyfriends, girlfriend)
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So this all starts about a year and a half ago. This girl I have known all my life (I even used to date her) invites me and all of our friends up to her cabin for our yearly get drunk as hell for a weekend trip. We're all 21, I have been trying to meet girls for a while and get a gf, and this girl, named erin, has a boyfriend at this point. Well a day or two into the trip, she apparently can't help herself, and we have sex on her pier. She has never cheated on a bf before, she knew what she was doing because her boyfriend was a jerk, but she is a good person and still regretted it. On our way inside after our sex, she turns and says to me, "I'm sorry Thomas, but this means nothing. I hope you understand because I have a boyfriend." At the time I was sad because I liked her, but also ok with it because I had a great time, it brought us closer, and I felt like a pretty cool guy.
So a couple weeks later, after we have been texting a good amount, we decide that we should have a talk about what happened. She says she has a crush on me, I say the same, but she lives two hours away and has a boyfriend which she isn't about to destroy for me. I'm fine with this and I agree to just be friends for now. So we continue texting for months and months, I help her with her douche boyfriend who treats her like ****. I don't give one sided arguments against the guy but really try to give my honest advice. Eventually they break up and get to together about 3 times, until finally she has had enough and ends it for good.
Now after texting her almost non-stop and flirting with her all the time over text she is single but far away, so we don't want to start anything really. We're both fine with this, I was living the single life and meeting girls and having fun, she didn't want to be tied down. Everything was fine. But slowly over more time we start to get more and more involved with each other. If she didn't live two hours away we would have dated immediately.
So she comes home for spring break and a couple other weekends. I see her, we go out to parties with our friends. We don't fool around but talk constantly and have a spark going. Now at this time I have been having sex with my ex-gf when I got drunk and fooling around with other girls, when drunk, but never when she was around. I didn't want to hurt her. Eventually we decide we just want to be together and do the long distance thing and be happy. So we have a wonderful relationship that has been going on for about a year now.
About 2 months into our relationship, I was curious about her sexual past. We had never really talked about it, so I just assumed she has been with a few guys, but was in a relationship most the time so not a lot of parners. So we talk about our sexual past, I have had 2 partners, she had had 4. including each other. What I figured out is one night at a party she was having, one I was attending, she blew this guy named Ian. who is the type of guy that every girl wants to hook up with in high school. Pretty good looking, plays in a band, decently athletic, pretty nice. Every girl wants this guy. She also had a one night stand with this notorious drug addict, who isn't a terrible guy, but pretty stupid, the next night.
What upsets me about this situation is that she refused to be with me during this time, but could have chosen me over these other guys, but didn't. Then she fooled around with them behind my back, then chose me as the safer choice when they were gone. I don't doubt she loves me more than these guys, but it really hurts thinking about it. It makes me feel less attractive than these guys, and I wonder if she thinks about that time she got to blow the boy she has wanted. It makes me feel like ****. I know it's irrational because we weren't together, but we were still in each others lives and had something going on. I was there that night at the party, she could have chosen me, but she chose him instead. It hurts.
Sorry to be a downer but if she cheats with you, (was it 2 boyfriends that she had while cheating with you?) then she will cheat on you. Well, you said she already fooled around behind your back. I don't think she values honesty and faithfulness in a relationship.
You'd be better off without this type of girlfriend.
She is really sweet. I just mean she didn't do this to hurt me, but deep down it makes me believe that she finds him way more attractive than me. She has never cheated on me or anything like it. I'm just saying is it a little unfair that she chose another boy over me when we had something going? I was there!
She is really sweet. I just mean she didn't do this to hurt me, but deep down it makes me believe that she finds him way more attractive than me. She has never cheated on me or anything like it. I'm just saying is it a little unfair that she chose another boy over me when we had something going? I was there!
Get over her.
My boyfriend don't worry about my past..'
Its my past..
It seems like you dont know what a relationship is.
She must of thought whatever you think you had going with her she didn't obviously feel the same.
I wouldn't have a problem if it were just her past though. I was a part of her life in this time. I feel almost betrayed. Yes, we weren't dating, but that's just because we didn't put a label on it. We talked all the time, flirted, even had sex a couple times. But then one night at a party she blows this hunk while I'm there, and it's totally fine? there were no labels, but I still feel hurt by this.
u were having sex with other girls while you were talking to her too. So isn't something wrong with you too and your past promiscuity? Oh and pls dont say it was ok cus she didnt know about it or was around at the time. Thats some lame self-biased reasoning.
Alright, well maybe you caught me. Though I didn't fool around with any girls at a party she was at, I may be in the same boat. But then why does it hurt so bad? I just imagine it, I see her doing it. I see the situation, it's burned into my head. I get irrationally angry about it. Is there no validation whatsoever in my anger? I hate thinking about her withother guys.
Alright, well maybe you caught me. Though I didn't fool around with any girls at a party she was at, I may be in the same boat. But then why does it hurt so bad? I just imagine it, I see her doing it. I see the situation, it's burned into my head. I get irrationally angry about it. Is there no validation whatsoever in my anger? I hate thinking about her withother guys.
Ok think about her being with grandpa..someone really old...and saggy..
I bet that would gross you out not to think about it again.
No your anger isn't validated..its ridicules
Last edited by Marka; 09-25-2011 at 07:57 AM..
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