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I didn't read it all. But I don't know a single straight man that would for one second tolerate a gay man grabbing his man-parts. Me thinks your cousin is playing on the other team.
I can and would say the same thing but in this situation, I know for a fact he loves, loves woman. He has always been grossed out by men making a move on him and I can tell it's genuine. I've been around guys who pretend their straight and are actually gay and they always have to emphasize constantly how straight they are. Where areas my cousin is not like that, he would only tell you he's straight if it came up. Plus, the way me and him would mingle and talk about woman, I know he wasn't gay.
[quote=temptation001;19540865]I think your cousin is not telling you the entire truth. I do believe that it's possible for him to want a woman, but I don't think he has accepted to himself that he is actually gay. If he does get a girlfriend, I don't think his best friend will be going anywhere just because of it. I expect that he will keep the girlfriend and not tell her that he had a relationship with his buddy and continue with the charade. In other words, the sexual element he has with his best friend will not stop just because a woman enters the picture. And in spite of what he has told you about not having had sex with his best friend, I doubt it.
Since this is his private life we are talking about, I don't think there is more to say other than let your cousin deal with his relationship himself. Weather he dates a man or a woman, it is his relationship and not yours. You shouldn't worry about him so much and try to understand you might not know what is really going on[/quote]
Know that. That's why I said I believe him when he says he is straight. I can just generalize and say "No straight man would let a gay man touch him" like many other people would say but at the end of the day, I know and I can tell this is VERY difficult for him and I am just there to support and not criticize him. I just want him to really be happy and not feel like he HAS to do this.
My suspicions were correct, today my cousin admitted to me that he and his best friend are INDEED going out and are boyfriends. Now, everything gets complicated from here. He says he is NOT gay, and NOT attracted to men whatsoever and would choose the female anatomy over a mans any time and is 1000 times more attracted to female than a man but he just happened to fall in love with his gay best friend because of the love his gay best friend has given to him.
Now, he says that his gay best friend actually fell in love with him and has asked him out several times. He tried going out with other guys but kept comparing them to my cousin and just couldn't go out with them because he just had such strong feelings for my cousin that he couldn't stop thinking about him when with other guys. So he done a lot for my cousin, basically let him live with him (rent free) and they shared a ton with each other, a very strong bond etc, etc.
My cousin has had a very, very hard time getting any women because he's financially not in the best spot at all and can't afford dates too much or at all. He's been pretty desperate and has CRIED to me a ton about getting women, and desiring a woman so badly. I know for a fact he loves woman to a T due to countless, countless conversations we have been having about woman but it's just been so hard on him romantically.
This is where his best friend steps in to fill that void. Hence the reason why they have cuddled and done tap kisses and all that. My cousin has told me the reason why he fell in love with him is because his best friend tells him the things he wants to hear from woman that he doesn't receive, he gets the affection from his best friend which he hardly ever gets from woman, he feels a great sense of being needed, wanted, desired, loved from his best friend which is something he hasn't gotten from woman. His best friend fills that void of loneliness and he gives his best friend (or "boyfriend") what he wants, which is a partner.
He says he would MUCH, MUCH rather be with a lady but since he is not and since he loves his boyfriend/ best friend so much that he has decided to get what he can't from woman, from his best friend. He has also told me that his boyfriend/BF accepts the fact that if he finds a girl, that he'll leave him for her since that what he truly desires. However, he still gets extremely jealous of my cousin if he checks out woman.
They haven't had sex from what he has told me but he says he's okay with having sex and doing everything else with him but he doesn't want to show any PDA when they are out in the town because he doesn't want woman to get the wrong idea. He says in a way, he feels he's been kind of forced and manipulated and in debt to his best friend because he feels he has hurt him and because his best friend has put so much into etc.
In my opinion, this has disaster written all over it. It annoys me that my cousin is basically sacrificing so much to be with this guy because he believes his in love with him and I am afraid he'll get too comfortable in his ways that he'll feel like this is what he almost "HAS" to do if they remain with each other for a prolonged period of time. He has stressed the fact that he truly wants a girl over a make, even his best friend/BF but that he just loves him so much that he's willing to make him happy.
As much as I liked his best friend, now I am starting to feel differently about him. He says he wants my cousin to be happy and go with his gut feelings but I feel like my cousin is leading him on and that his best friend has got him where he wants him and if they remain together for a very long time my cousins BF I am certain will NOT be happy at all after being so content in their standings together that it'll hurt him much more because my cousin is who he wants. What will happen is that he will put him on a guilt trip just to keep him and my cousin will pretty much either fall victim to it or move on with the lady and their friendship and relationship will definitely not be the same again.
Before anyone tells me "Why are you so concerned, there's nothing you can do about it", yes I ALREADY know that. Why am I concerned? Because he's my friggin cousin! I want to see him be TRULY happy and get what he really desires and of course, this is the relationships forums so I am very interested in the thoughts and opinions of others in addition to this situation being a unique and interesting one.
So sound off.
I think he is either bisexual (yet leaning mostly towards women over guys, most likely imo) or maybe he is experimenting with an anomalous guy he feels a connection with (Dan Savage wrote about an awkward such situation with the one woman he found attractive, a butch lesbian fire fighter)....but whether he is attracted to the same sex or both or whatever, it seems like you are really smothering and nosy. It really is not your concern or business, let the guy flirt,romance, date and have intimacy and/or sex with whoever he wants and if he eventually realizes he is straight, gay, bisexual or whatever then that's fine. He is young and inexperienced(seems a bit awkward and insecure as well), let him experience what he wishes. It is really not your right or privilege to constantly pry and try to ensure his happiness. Does anyone want other people to define and then secure what other people think their happiness should be? Heck, you might flip that saying of "bisexuals are twice as likely to find a date" into "bisexuals are twice as likely to be turned down for a date" Just kidding, but my two cents are to just be a supportive bystander, not Kinsey or the bigender matchmaker.
Know that. That's why I said I believe him when he says he is straight. I can just generalize and say "No straight man would let a gay man touch him" like many other people would say but at the end of the day, I know and I can tell this is VERY difficult for him and I am just there to support and not criticize him. I just want him to really be happy and not feel like he HAS to do this.
This is what I mean. You want to be supportive, but he might not be telling you everything. You are sure he doesn't want to be touched by a gay man, but maybe that is not the case. And he just doesn't want to tell you. Which is okay, since it's his private life.
A man who likes women and men are called bi-sexual. Thats what he is... Perhaps he needs some good dating advice for women, but I would at this time say bi. Maybe if he just is with this one guy, leaves him for a woman and never goes back, you could say he was "curious".
Are bisexual, heterosexual and homosexual now censored words?
I don't think so -- the only reason I added the asterisk (*) for the "e" in bis*xual is really just b/c I personally hate the word, s*x (a personal pet peeve of mine, nothing more).
I don't think so -- the only reason I added the asterisk (*) for the "e" in bis*xual is really just b/c I personally hate the word, s*x (a personal pet peeve of mine, nothing more).
I don't think so -- the only reason I added the asterisk (*) for the "e" in bis*xual is really just b/c I personally hate the word, s*x (a personal pet peeve of mine, nothing more).
That is because sex is evil.
So when someone asks you what sex you are, you cringe?
So when someone asks you what sex you are, you cringe?
No -- in those cases, I just reply I am of the male "gender"
I just really don't like the word "s*x" where it refers to physical intimate relations, and will use an alternative, more toned-down word or phrase to refer to it, wherever I can. (I personally think the word itself sounds really crude and vulgar, as well as completely unromantic, but that's just own humble opinion.)
ETA: sorry, didn't mean to go OT or anything...
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Just kidding, but my two cents are to just be a supportive bystander, not Kinsey or the bigender matchmaker.
