How to turn down invitations just because you don't want to do anything? (guy, older)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm kind of a home body. I prefer to keep my Friday nights for relaxing at home and not going out or entertaining people. I really only want to socialize once a week at most these days.
I guess some people assume that if you're not doing anything then you are free to hang out. So the conversations goes like this. What are you doing Fri night? Me: Uh, I don't know. (thinking: I would like to do nothing) Them: Well, do you want to go do....?
So this is kind of an awkward situation, because I don't have plans, but I have to make an excuse later. And the expectation seems to be like, you are free so why would you say no. The truth is I don't want to hang out. It's nothing personal. So what's the etiquette here?
I'm kind of a home body. I prefer to keep my Friday nights for relaxing at home and not going out or entertaining people. I really only want to socialize once a week at most these days.
I guess some people assume that if you're not doing anything then you are free to hang out. So the conversations goes like this. What are you doing Fri night? Me: Uh, I don't know. (thinking: I would like to do nothing) Them: Well, do you want to go do....?
So this is kind of an awkward situation, because I don't have plans, but I have to make an excuse later. And the expectation seems to be like, you are free so why would you say no. The truth is I don't want to hang out. It's nothing personal. So what's the etiquette here?
You're not the only person who is getting older, and needs Friday night for rest...
Tell them the truth: you're exhausted from the work week, but will definitely plan something for Saturday.
Or tell them you have plans already, but will definitely call them for Saturday.
The key here is not to blow them off, but to reschedule so they don't feel rejected.
You're not the only person who is getting older, and needs Friday night for rest...
Tell them the truth: you're exhausted from the work week, but will definitely plan something for Saturday.
Or tell them you have plans already, but will definitely call them for Saturday.
The key here is not to blow them off, but to reschedule so they don't feel rejected.
That seems reasonable in most cases. The guy I'm referring to sees me every day at work anyway. I kind of get my fill of him from that. He is a really care free fun outgoing type. We work near each other, so he seems to spring things on me. I told him about this show and he invited himself. So we went yesterday. And that was fine, but then it was like he wanted to grab something to eat, then was talking about bars. I feel like that is a little crowding me. I was burned out and ready to go after the show, but got something to eat. Then asking what I was doing later that same day, was a little much.
...
I guess some people assume that if you're not doing anything then you are free to hang out. So the conversations goes like this. What are you doing Fri night? ...
"The same thing I do every Friday night, Pinky—try to take over the world!"
Than ask them what they have in mind for Friday and tell them if you are interested in doing it. Since you know you might be asked the question, know what you are going to answer. Possibly deflect the question.
"The same thing I do every Friday night, Pinky—try to take over the world!"
Than ask them what they have in mind for Friday and tell them if you are interested in doing it. Since you know you might be asked the question, know what you are going to answer. Possibly deflect the question.
Now that I see the pattern "what are you doing...." then I say "uh..." and they see that as an opportunity to hang out and say, "so do you want to" I need to have handy excuses. I suck at lying, so I guess this will be good practice. I don't think I should make a joke of the excuses, because that's going to offend.
So far I got....
1. friends b day (this is good for any fri/sat nite)
2. old friend is visiting from out of town (good for any fri/sat)
Also, excuses can't be anything he can reasonably invite himself to.
Now that I see the pattern "what are you doing...." then I say "uh..." and they see that as an opportunity to hang out and say, "so do you want to" I need to have handy excuses. I suck at lying, so I guess this will be good practice. I don't think I should make a joke of the excuses, because that's going to offend.
So far I got....
1. friends b day (this is good for any fri/sat nite)
2. old friend is visiting from out of town (good for any fri/sat)
Also, excuses can't be anything he can reasonably invite himself to.
Why lie and be lame? Just be honest that Friday nights are (always) for relaxing alone, but you can tell them which night you DO want to socialize and the kinds of things you'd enjoy doing. Set boundaries AND guidelines.
Why lie and be lame? Just be honest that Friday nights are (always) for relaxing alone, but you can tell them which night you DO want to socialize and the kinds of things you'd enjoy doing. Set boundaries AND guidelines.
I don't want to have a rule, like I don't go out on Fridays. I sometimes do. The issue is that sometimes, whether it's Monday, Friday or Sat, I don't have plans and don't want them.
I think think having a handy excuse white lie will work, but making up having to go to a b day thing is kind of messy now that I think about it. That could lead to asking how it went or where it is. So something more generic and boring would be better like saying, I'm tired and have to get some errands done on the way home.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
