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You have NO idea how many women I know who have this same story.
You have to talk to him about it now. Now. Tell him in no uncertain terms. Do NOT beat around the bush.
If he, like some of my friends' husbands, doesn't take you seriously and doesn't bother changing...frankly, you're either going to have to resign yourself to staying in a loveless marriage or just leave him.
Those people who say she is dishonoring her vows ought to remember that HE dishonored vows, too, by taking her for granted.
That's a mighty bold statement coming from one post not knowing the whole story.
Men don't like being given marching orders or ultimatums anymore then women do.
I have a sense that you are single, and have been for a long time...that is unless your significant other is completely puzzy wipped.
That's a mighty bold statement coming from one post not knowing the whole story.
Men don't like being given marching orders or ultimatums anymore then women do.
I have a sense that you are single, and have been for a long time...that is unless your significant other is completely puzzy wipped.
Nope. Just lived long enough and my job puts me in the middle of drama all the time.
She said he doesn't help around the house or take care of himself.
That is something that is rampant and common.
What exactly am I assuming?
And the first thing I told her was to TALK TO HIM. Tell the feelings! Give him a chance to do something about it.
Actually, your assumptions about my relationship status are way off base!
I use times like these to learn lessons on how to better treat my partner, not insult complete strangers.
"Obey" has been stricken from the vows nearly as long as I've been alive, and I was born in 1966. Please come into the 21st century. We're not going to keep the bus idling at the stop waiting for you.
Stricken from what vows? There is no "vow standard" that everone uses across every religion. I have heard vows from every major religion in the world and I'm sure some people still use the "Obey" line too.
I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. This way you can both take the steps to make it better, or end it. He doesn't seem to care about how his choices affect you. Why feel bad about telling him how you feel? It isn't pretty, but the truth isn't always pretty and he created that for himself. If it was a medical issue, something beyond his control, I would be more understanding. But getting married doesn't mean you stop caring about your appearance AND your health, or that you go without sex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_windwalker
I've been where he is. I was married to a woman that I loved very much. For the first 8 years, life was great. After our 8th anniversary, things changed. Even with only having sex 2 or 3 times a year, I still stuck it out for another 20 years. Then, she got a divorce from me, and when the divorce was final, she married a guy that spent nearly 10 years in prison in KY for 5 counts of sodomy with his own 6 year-old son. Guess she wasn't worth what I thought she was.
I would suggest your husband get as far away from you as he can, as soon as he can.
There is nothing in her post to suggest that she is one to "get away" from. She is not your ex. I hope you're not approaching all women this way.
You have NO idea how many women I know who have this same story.
I have also heard this from many women. Just like I have heard it from men who's wives stopped having sex with them. For better or worse was not intended for these situations.
Quote:
Those people who say she is dishonoring her vows ought to remember that HE dishonored vows, too, by taking her for granted.
Been married 8 years. Hes a great guy. Funny,kind,supportive. Over the years he has gained weight. He knows it, complains about it, but does nothing about it. Hes always been alittle over weight but its gotten pretty bad. He does have a really cute face. Hes also kinda lazy. He has the energy to do the things he wants but does everything around the house half ass. He never is romantic, he never just touches me, unless he wants sex. Which we never have anymore. Ive gotten to the point that i dont want sex at all because i cant even think of having it with him. I do love him,hes like my best friend. I hate to hurt him, I cant even hurt his feelings and tell him. What would you do?
And no, Im not perfect but I am above average looking and I take care of myself. I even find myself getting lazier and lazier though because Im with him. It feels like the life has been sucked out of me.
Again, what would you do?
Why did you fall in love with him in the first place... I understand your concerns but even if that wasn't the case there are other factors that keep people from having sex... Accidents, disease, old age,... How would you react then... Sex is way overrated... I prefer to make love to the mind then you have nothing to worry about... Oh, you need to talk to him....and not to us (city data)
Been married 8 years. Hes a great guy. Funny,kind,supportive. Over the years he has gained weight. He knows it, complains about it, but does nothing about it. Hes always been alittle over weight but its gotten pretty bad. He does have a really cute face. Hes also kinda lazy. He has the energy to do the things he wants but does everything around the house half ass. He never is romantic, he never just touches me, unless he wants sex. Which we never have anymore. Ive gotten to the point that i dont want sex at all because i cant even think of having it with him. I do love him,hes like my best friend. I hate to hurt him, I cant even hurt his feelings and tell him. What would you do?
And no, Im not perfect but I am above average looking and I take care of myself. I even find myself getting lazier and lazier though because Im with him. It feels like the life has been sucked out of me.
Again, what would you do?
Impressive level of response already. If you still want to stay in the marriage, perhaps its time to focus on positive aspects in your partner (instead of negative ones). The more you feel grateful and focus on the positive, the more positive things you will continue to see and things in your perspective will change.
Been married 8 years. Hes a great guy. Funny,kind,supportive. Over the years he has gained weight. He knows it, complains about it, but does nothing about it.
Ok, great guy FKS. Check Getting rounder. Check.
Hes always been alittle over weight but its gotten pretty bad. He does have a really cute face. Hes also kinda lazy. He has the energy to do the things he wants but does everything around the house half ass.
Read Why Men Don't Have A Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes.
It's by a marriage counseling Married couple. There will be lot's of suggestions dealing with the male who doesn't help out around the house.
He never is romantic, he never just touches me, unless he wants sex.
Advice on that too!
Which we never have anymore. Ive gotten to the point that i dont want sex at all because i cant even think of having it with him. I do love him,hes like my best friend. I hate to hurt him, I cant even hurt his feelings and tell him. What would you do?
Hmmmmm you don't communicate very well with your 'best friend' at all, do you? Some best friend!
And no, Im not perfect but I am above average looking and I take care of myself. I even find myself getting lazier and lazier though because Im with him. It feels like the life has been sucked out of me.
Again, what would you do?
So basically, you're husbands gotten to be a real fatass you no longer are attracted to, and lack of communication of your dislike of this has gotten you to this point. All the while you describe him as loving, caring...all the stuff these other chicks in here claim to be dying for in a man, yet....you've just let him get huger and huger without saying a word till you're just going to not be able to take it anymore and vamoos some day, huh? Did I miss anything?
Answer...... NOBODY IN HERE IS GOING TO HAVE THE PHRASE THAT MIRACULOUSLY FIXES THIS. Guess who has to fix it??????
YOU TELL HIM!! YO CHUNKY, GET OFF YOUR ASS, AND START JOGGING! You can say it nicer than that if you wish, but honestly, this is half your fault.
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