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Is it just me or am I the only one who's noticed that a lot of the 8s 9s and 10s are perpetually single, constantly have stank ass looks on their faces and even though they are constantly complaining about being single they tell pretty much any interested man to "f*ck off"
The 6s and 7s only want to date the hottest guys (the same guys who are told to shove it by the 8s 9s 10s)
And the 1s thru 5s seem to date the average to above average looking guys and they treat these guys like they're less than dirt
And the average to below average looking guys like me, NO women will date them
Its just I constantly hear about how women want a man to spoil them, take care of them, be drop dead gorgeous, drive this car, make this much money and a lot of these women are 5'6 or less, weigh 220+ lbs, dont work, dont have a car, what makes them think they deserve wealthy good looking sugar daddies?
Does anybody else agree womens standards are too high these days
I started to write a whole thing about the way you come across in your diatribe/ thread introduction, but decided song lyrics would do instead:
"I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change..."
Misery. I can sense misery from a mile away, and I run from it like a deer in hunting season. Some guy who doesn't like himself? A dude who thinks he's a loser and wonders what he has to offer? Some guy who thinks women are only after his paycheck and not his personality? I flee.
I know who you are almost immediately. You give off a vibe that I can sense. It's like a superpower, except it's not just me - it's lots of women who can figure it out. Probably most women.
I went out with a very nice guy a couple of times. Cute, kind, smart, great kisser. But utterly down on himself because he wasn't making very much money and had some debt. The paycheck and the minor debt did not matter to me. But the way it seemed to paralyze him spiritually did. Our two dates, all he did was talk about how little he was making and how he couldn't spend a lot and how depressing it was to him and the rest of his insecurities. I didn't care about the money issues - I was happy going anywhere and there is so much you can do for free. But the guy was a total downer. I had a gut instinct about him from the beginning, but I went out with him anyway because I could tell he was a very nice person.
Being happy is work. If you're too lazy to do the hard yards on that, women are going to turn away. I've usually dated men who were very successful with women but mostly broke, with no career prospects beyond being able to support themselves reasonably well and no ambitions for more. The reason they were successful with women was that they were either happy or working hard at getting that way. They would walk into a party or a bar with a smile on their face and be friendly to whomever they encountered (I've been able to observe most of them when we were not a couple as well) - not just the women they were targeting. They had passions and interests they were happy to discuss with complete strangers.
One of those exes even had serious depression issues, but he worked hard on fighting the depression, so it wasn't threatening to the women he interacted with. He had interests and hobbies that he threw himself into - he did not put the responsibility of his happiness on anyone else. He was very goodlooking, and you could say that THAT was why he got women, but I'd say no. I had a male friend on a similar level lookswise, but he bombed out with women every time - he wore his depression and unhappiness on his sleeve and had no real passions in life. He was a very nice guy, but his discontent and misery were an instant buzzkill. Women fled from him in droves (I know, because me and my friends were among them). He was a gorgeous guy with a good job, but none of that mattered when you came face to face with his unhappiness.
As soon as a woman can sense that you might put the responsibility of your happiness on her shoulders, the odds are she's going to run away as fast as she can. And if you go in with the attitude "women are too picky" or "women are just after someone to take care of them" or anything that presupposes something about an entire gender, the women you approach will eventually run away - because no one wants to have to be the paragon of our gender to satisfy you.
Work on your own happiness and work on demolishing your presuppositions about what women want/require/etc. Be upbeat and interesting and be friendly towards EVERYONE. Not just the chicks you want to bang. I watch how a guy at the bar interacts with the bartender and the servers. I watch how he acts towards the people he's sitting next to.
Keep this in mind too - When you target a woman who you are attracted to based on her appearance, you're just some random guy who likes how she looks. She's thinking "What are the odds this guy will be any kind of match with me?" She knows nothing about you, and she knows you just think she's pretty. For a woman who knows she's attractive, what's her motivation? You picked her out based on looks alone - flattering perhaps, but nothing to work with. I've been approached by men who have thought something I said was funny, or men who liked my boots or men who thought my t-shirt was funny - stuff that reflected my personality. That, I could grab onto.
I get that women seek strength in a man, not necessarily physical, but emotional. You want a "rock", someone who you can depend on, but someone who won't put all their eggs of hope in one basked (your basket). I pretty much had this figured out from my late teens onwards - I have NEVER been one of those guys to mope around after being dumped or cheated on. I even hate it when guys do that, becoming pity cases, crying over some woman that didn't want them.
The problem is that most women these days want so much more than I can offer. I cannot give them great looks, I don't have much of a sex drive and while I am not exactly poor, I'm not making anywhere near six figures and I don't hit the gym.
"Swagger" is not something you can just pull out of your arsehole. Men develop swagger during the teenage years, when we begin to show interest in the opposite sex. If you don't have any chances to go out with the opposite sex during your teens and early-mid twenties, it's going to be an uphill battle and if you look like I do, it's ice skating uphill.
To those who criticise guys like me for the way we are, think chicken and egg. If you go through life getting rejected and made fun of, it's going to have an enormous negative impact on who you are. That's just how it is.
Like R4T and LM and some others may have suggested, I agree with the possibility that it may be a very subtle vibe you might be giving off. I have no doubt the OP is clean, nice, decent looking, hard working, well-groomed etc, but if you are indeed giving off a negative vibe, that would explain tons. Is it possible to have some female friends give you an honest assesment of the vibe you might be giving off. The reason I say that is because after my bitter divorce, I went back out too soon in the dating scene. Now I'm a nice man, not too awful looking, well groomed, good job , great sense of humor etc, BUT as a few of my female friends who saw me out and about without my knowledge pointed out-I gave off a very subtle vibe of anger. Once I addressed that (it took time) things got much better. Jusy my .02
I get that women seek strength in a man, not necessarily physical, but emotional. You want a "rock", someone who you can depend on, but someone who won't put all their eggs of hope in one basked (your basket). I pretty much had this figured out from my late teens onwards - I have NEVER been one of those guys to mope around after being dumped or cheated on. I even hate it when guys do that, becoming pity cases, crying over some woman that didn't want them.
The problem is that most women these days want so much more than I can offer. I cannot give them great looks, I don't have much of a sex drive and while I am not exactly poor, I'm not making anywhere near six figures and I don't hit the gym.
"Swagger" is not something you can just pull out of your arsehole. Men develop swagger during the teenage years, when we begin to show interest in the opposite sex. If you don't have any chances to go out with the opposite sex during your teens and early-mid twenties, it's going to be an uphill battle and if you look like I do, it's ice skating uphill.
To those who criticise guys like me for the way we are, think chicken and egg. If you go through life getting rejected and made fun of, it's going to have an enormous negative impact on who you are. That's just how it is.
I was bullied throughout middle school and most of high school. Undiagnosed ADD meant I viewed most social interactions with sheer terror until I was in my early 20s. Yet I am a warm and engaging adult in my mid-30s, with a fairly wide social circle that's growing all the time. I've worked at it. Just like I've worked on being happy. You gotta suck it up and get over those bumps.
It doesn't have to be swagger. Good will and kindness go a long way, and you can demonstrate both without being the dreaded doormat so many guys on these boards fear becoming. Frankly "swagger" doesn't do much for me if the guy takes it seriously. At 35, I'm at the age where the men I'm interested in have either given up swagger or are amused by the fact that they still have it.
You've said that you don't even like yourself - well why should a woman like you then if you can't manage it? Work on that. The chicks will come later.
I lived with low self-esteem for a long time. It's pointless. I know who I am. I know there's a lot of people with more to offer than me and I know there's a lot of people with a lot less to offer. It's sheer egomania to think you fall anywhere but in the broad middle of that range. You work on the things you can control and you accept the things you can't (hell, I think that's what AA is all about, actually). But if you sit and wallow in what you perceive as your own inadequacies, women will wonder why they're bothering.
I've got some extra weight on me - I'm in Weight Watchers now and going to the gym several times a week. It's something I can fix. Socially speaking, l'm goofy and awkward and often misread common social cues - that's just me. I can't change that - not comfortably - so I've accepted that and don't apologize for it.
Like R4T and LM and some others may have suggested, I agree with the possibility that it may be a very subtle vibe you might be giving off. I have no doubt the OP is clean, nice, decent looking, hard working, well-groomed etc, but if you are indeed giving off a negative vibe, that would explain tons. Is it possible to have some female friends give you an honest assesment of the vibe you might be giving off. The reason I say that is because after my bitter divorce, I went back out too soon in the dating scene. Now I'm a nice man, not too awful looking, well groomed, good job , great sense of humor etc, BUT as a few of my female friends who saw me out and about without my knowledge pointed out-I gave off a very subtle vibe of anger. Once I addressed that (it took time) things got much better. Jusy my .02
Good for - you did exactly what I have recommended our OP be brave enough to do and "things got much better"
If he won't listen to me, maybe he'll listen to a guy like you
I have no idea what you're talking about and what gave you the idea of me not being happy with who I am as an individual or whatever that is about me have multiple identeties or whatever.
I am always myself first and foremost. Always. No one, and nothing, will ever change who I am at the core of my being. I love who I am as a person. I love my sense of comedy, my upbringing, my intelligence. Everything. I'm always willing to work on myself physically, but honestly if I don't and stayed what I am physically, I'm OK with that to. I love my personality.
But, I'm a silent person. If I have nothing of importance to say, I don't speak. But if you saw me walking in the grocery, I'd have a smile and I might even be singing to myself.
So, again, I have absolutely no idea of how you got the notion that I have multiple identeties or something. The very thought of that, makes me laugh hysterically.
I'm not a silent person. I always am trying to get to the front of the classroom. I always have something to say. If they don't want to listen, they'll hear it anyway one way or another. I don't follow and I don't hold back. I am the alpha male ALPHA ALPHA! I hunt down alphas who were just given the title by women. You don't get anything given to you pal. I'll take it from you and you'll never get it back because you don't have the balls. When you earned it by methods other than swooning the ladies, you won't hear a peep out of me. What's earned is earned. What is given to you isn't. Have you ever seen a corporate executive shaken up when a real alpha male comes around? His hands even tremble and he can't look you in the eye. I don't even have to say a word. It's body language and he can "feel me" and what's inside. None of these posts are aimed at you. I just thought I would explain what I meant.
Is it just me or Are Womens standards too high these days?
Nope. You are wrong. Women's standards are way too high these days.
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