Do people really change their minds when they fall in love?? (married, woman)

[CancerianMoonPrincess]

Do people change their minds when it comes to kids when they fall in love? One of the most common things said is that "when you meet the right man/woman, you'll change your mind and want kids with him/her."

I'm just curious if anyone has had this happened to them or someone they know. If not, then explain the case against that notion.

[Dewdroplet76]

I don't think that there is just one answer to this. I know that my parents didn't want to have children initially. Part of the reason was because my father suffered from a hearing loss that was hereditary and he didn't want to pass it on. Anyway - after awhile - he changed his mind and thought that he would like to have a child afterall. He said that as soon as I was in his arms - he loved me more than he could have ever imagined. He was the best father and he loved me so very much. But I don't think that he changed his mind because he fell in love with my mother - he was already in love with her when he thought he didn't want children. I'm not sure what changed his mind. Oh - and I did not inherit the hearing loss (good thing, too, since I'm a singer) so I cannot pass it on since it is a dominant trait.

I think it's more that we never know what the future will bring and what choices we will want to make in the future. Perhaps you will meet someone and decide you do want to have children with that person. Perhaps you will fall in love with someone that also doesn't want children and neither of you will change your minds. Perhaps you will both change your minds. I have a friend who is getting married and she and her fiance do not want children. They have been together for 9 years and she is 36. I doubt they will change their minds and they love each other dearly. I also have a friend that knew that she didn't want children when she was in her early 20's and single. She was even thinking of donating her eggs. Well, she fell in love and got married - and is now trying to get pregnant.

I look at things this way - never say never. My career has always been very important to me. I'm a performer - and performing is not only my career but my biggest passion. I'm pregnant right now and I realize that I have no idea what I'll feel like doing after my baby is born. Maybe I'll want to get back into the business as soon as possible. Maybe I'll take a break from the business for a year or two and then get back into it. Maybe I'll never want to go back. Who knows? Why write your future in stone before you have even lived it?

[dr74]

Directed towards the OP....
I can only draw from personal exp..

I was 22 had 3 jobs, and a full time scholarship to cal poly...
I got pregnant shortly after I was accepted, my ex and I had met in biology...lol..I was faced with a decision..get an abortion ( Which I have nothing against) or go full term..Because I loved him and I still do but now on a different level..I chose to have my son..

I was never a mom type.. I was a teacher I love kids but never wanted one of my own to hold me down but somehow having my son made sense because I LOVED my ex husband and I wanted to be a part of him and create something that was a part of us..

We divorced 10 years later but boy do we love our baby and co parent wonderfully...I could not imagine my life without my son..He is the best part of what I am...

[temptation001]

I don't want to have kids. But if I met the right guy and he was willing to take care of them and could, then he might convince me if I thought he would make a good enough dad. But he has to be willing to stay awake through infancy.

[Ceece]

I did I'd say it was just becasue I was too young to actually want kids until I got married but I never liked other peoples kids and I still don't. I don't HATE them but I don't want to be around them much. Mine were the best thing ever though. Still are!

[CancerianMoonPrincess]

Interesting answers so far. I've got another question though. Do guys get turned off or feel like this is a c*ck block when a woman doesn't want kids?

[Funny how?]

Get thee to Hawaii post-haste.

[West of Encino]

Originally Posted by CancerianMoonPrincess

Do people change their minds when it comes to kids when they fall in love? One of the most common things said is that "when you meet the right man/woman, you'll change your mind and want kids with him/her."

I'm just curious if anyone has had this happened to them or someone they know. If not, then explain the case against that notion.

I wouldn't change my mind for anyone. I would do anything for my childfreedom.

I'm sure the real childfreers wouldn't change their minds if they fell in love. In fact, their spouses would go along with the CF decision.

[CancerianMoonPrincess]

Originally Posted by West of Encino

I wouldn't change my mind for anyone. I would do anything for my childfreedom.

I'm sure the real childfreers wouldn't change their minds if they fell in love. In fact, their spouses would go along with the CF decision.

Yeah I know. I was trying to debunk that bingo that "you change your mind when you meet the right one." for some it happened. But I know I couldn't give up that kind of freedom either.

[JordanJP]

Originally Posted by CancerianMoonPrincess

Do people change their minds when it comes to kids when they fall in love? One of the most common things said is that "when you meet the right man/woman, you'll change your mind and want kids with him/her."

I'm just curious if anyone has had this happened to them or someone they know. If not, then explain the case against that notion.

I've known several people who have kids when they thought they wouldn't want them.

Not sure on whether the kids were actually planned, but the parents love them nonetheless.


People DO change, however, on other things. When people get married they generally stop doing things for themselves and start doing things for the other person- or at least, things with a mutual benefit (new car, new house, etc.)