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So, how do you like Cleveland so far? Is it the rust belt mecca the Cleveland boosters made it out to be? (I would be one of them, I'm sure, if I lived there)
Haha, I know!
Cleveland is decent, I get to live a lot more cheaply in the heart of downtown, and I'm doing exactly what I went to school for, but I do miss my friends and my home!
I know what you mean about home. I still miss it sometimes. Up until a few years ago, I still planned to retire there. (thinking WAY ahead, I know) But, if my old house restoration goes well, and the neighborhood continues to improve, I can see myself staying right here.
The reality is, if you want something you have to be willing to work for it and go after it - you seem a bit lazy to me, no offense intended
Remember, he who hesitates is lost.
I would strongly encourage you to get a life coach or mentor. You need a fresh pair of eyes to help you see what you are doing that you shouldn't be doing, or what you aren't doing that you should be doing.
This does not mean you have to "change who you are", but it does mean you have to stop waiting for life to happen to you and get out there and live your life
Being recently single, i have to agree here. I have been really down this week. I think to myself, its gonna take me another 3 yrs to find someone, etc. And I get all depressed. But, im now telling myself im going to have to put some effort into it. A man isnt just gonna come knocking on my door. And if he does, he is probably a Jehovah Witness, and i'm not interested.
So, im almost going to have to approach this like a job. Not entirely like that, but you know what i mean. So, OP you should too. Get a fresh new look, whether its hair or clothes, etc. Lose that 10 lbs. Do what you need to put your best foot forward. Use different methods of trying to meet people; online, hobbies, meetups, parks, ...etc..etc. Im just gearing up to get my head back on straight and start working on things so i can get back out there. I guess i cant whine that im not meeting anyone if im not doing all i can to change that.
I'm involved in my community, (neighborhood cleanups, block watch, etc.) and I've bought an old house to restore in a neighborhood in the first stages of gentrification. (I've wanted to do that since I was a little kid) Unfortunately, these are things that women aren't usually interested in.
I disagree! I would totally be interested in a guy who did this kind of thing (were I not already married). It shows that you are mature and unselfish. I'm a bit younger than you (26), but I can't imagine that an older woman would be less interested (if anything, I would think these types of activities would be MORE attractive to a more mature woman).
Quote:
Originally Posted by JR_C
Some other advice that I was given--...I need to change how I dress, what music I listen to, what my interests are, etc. While that might work, it's like changing who I am, and I'm not willing to do that.
I'm with you.
I have many friends (both male and female) that are in your situation. I never know what to tell them (sorry!). I got lucky and met my husband in high school. I think it's so hard to meet someone as a single working person, particularly if you are not into the bar/party scene (I'm not either, and don't think that's a great way to meet a lifelong mate, anyway). I would continue to try to "get out of the house" and find activities that interest you AND that help you meet people (preferably women, but even making some new male friends may end up getting you connected with a lovely lady friend). If you are religious, many churches have bible studies or singles groups. I do know many people who have met their significant other online.
I disagree! I would totally be interested in a guy who did this kind of thing (were I not already married). It shows that you are mature and unselfish. I'm a bit younger than you (26), but I can't imagine that an older woman would be less interested (if anything, I would think these types of activities would be MORE attractive to a more mature woman).
Thanks! I only meant that women tend to participate in these activities less than men. (at least around here)
The reality is, if you want something you have to be willing to work for it and go after it - you seem a bit lazy to me, no offense intended
Remember, he who hesitates is lost.
I would strongly encourage you to get a life coach or mentor. You need a fresh pair of eyes to help you see what you are doing that you shouldn't be doing, or what you aren't doing that you should be doing.
This does not mean you have to "change who you are", but it does mean you have to stop waiting for life to happen to you and get out there and live your life
Now you are convincing me to see a life coach. The thing is, I already know what the problem is. I need to get off my lazy butt and do something about it.
OP, life is not meant to be easy. Information is currency.
If you're not in a relationship, it could mean you subconsciously don't want to be in one. Your post gives me the sense you fall into this category. When there is nothing stopping you from mixing it up with people and you still stand on the sideline reluctant to interact, it could mean society's norms compel you to feel empty and incomplete alone while underneath that you truly don't feel inspired by or a need to connect deeply with someone as of yet. You may, without understanding it, feel there is something lacking in the selection or what you were taught is attractive and have to figure out what kind of woman you are really attracted to.
It took me a long time to understand that about myself. Perhaps, this is what you are experiencing too?
Last edited by Shankapotomus; 09-13-2011 at 05:32 AM..
Well, some folk just start a little slower than others, and some apparently never get started, but it's all good. Live ur life and be happy. Take it a day at a time. Good luck to the Op...
JR_C, don't put yourself down. From what I've read, it seems like you're a nice guy with a good head on your shoulders. I have the opposite problem regarding volunteering, with most of the organizations I volunteer for being predominantly female, so no meeting guys there. In the past I used to lament being single and wondered what was wrong with me, but I've put it on the backburner and have decided to stop doubting myself. Instead of trying hard to find a man, I'm just going to live life and not worry about it.
OP, I was in your shoes a few years ago. I am also 35 but recently married. I never thought I would get married because of my spotty relationship history. Like you, I am not a social butterfly. I grew up as a loner (i dont have any brothers/sisters) but I tried to join groups and made the effort just to explore new experiences.
I ended up meeting my husband online, and I had just gotten out of a dead end relationship with a guy who treated me more like his Xbox playing buddy than a girlfriend. I was really depressed and found it hard to feel motivated to buy a sexy dress and hit a local bar with a friend, but I forced myself to do it because I knew that being 40 and single was not a lifestyle I wanted in my future..
So basically I treated online dating like a part time job. No matter how tired or depressed I felt, I would force myself to write at least 3 emails every night to a guy on Match or another dating site. I wasnt super picky either, I was fairly open minded yet at the same time I only made dates with guys I really felt that I could relate to by phone conversations. My husband was one of those emails and look at me now, we ended up liking each others company so much we got married..lol.
So dont get depressed, get yourself out there!
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