Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I ask this because sometimes I don't know if people look at me as if I am man. I feel a lot of my family members don't think of me as a man, especially my uncle. My uncle tends to have a lack of respect for me, dismisses me, underestimates me, and is always trying to "teach me how to be a man". In his eyes I am still a 15 year old boy traversing my way into manhood. He's always trying to "teach me how to be a man" and since I don't have my own apartment, car, a better income than what I have now, a girlfriend he thinks I am inexperienced in life and tends to always shun me to an extent, which--of course--is highly annoying.
Now, I'll be the first to admit; I KNOW I don't have a car, my own place, a girlfriend (don't want a serious one either right now) and I know there's plenty of endeavors in my life I have not completed. Regardless, that's MY business and no one needs to tell me what I should be doing.
Personally, I feel like a man is someone who can take care of themselves and be able to care for the people that matter (I.e. family, close friends etc), take care of my personal responsibility and all that. Sure, I don't have a car (don't need one in this city I'm in) and don't have my own place but I certainly don't sit around at home and bum out. I won't claim myself as a man but I don't feel I am a little boy either. I take responsibility for my actions and for my faults in life and don't try to place any blame on anyone or anything else.
Anyway, the point of this thread is not me ranting but I want to know what women classify as a "man". Is having all these material things what makes you a man? Or is the character of the man that makes him a man?
Men, you're welcome to chime into but I definitely want to know women's view on a man.
In your Uncle's eyes independence is manhood. And he's right. Not having to rely on anyone else for your security as an adult makes you a "grown up".
Times are tough nowaways, there are adults living with family because jobs are scarce.
Everyone doesn't have a car. A car means you're mobile and can go anywhere without depending on a bus schedule or taxi. A convenience that makes life easier.
Your reasons for not being independent may be a result of the economy or it may be because you're lazy.
If it's because you're lazy - and you prefer to have other people take care of you, he has a point.
Gender aside... Have you got a job? Do you pay your own bills? Your taxes? Do you clean up after yourself, or does someone clean up after you? Do you spend at least half of your time in productive ways?
Adults are autonomous. They pay their own bills. They clean up after themselves and do not rely on others to take care of them. It does not matter who you are living with as long as you are taking care of your business. You can live with your parents and make your own way, buy your own food, clean your space, take care of your own needs... Then you will be an adult - gender not important.
Ugh. I'm certainly not lazy. My uncle just seems to look past the fact that I always helped my mother and grandmother. The thing is my uncle is always trying to give me advice because he feels he's entitled too. Since I didn't have my father growing up he feels like he is the replacement and all that and I guess thinks he needs to teach me the ways to be a man. It doesn't help that he's a drug addict and is just trying to pester me since he's miserable with himself. To his credit he still provides for his family. It's one thing if I asked him to teach me to be a man but I've done plenty well without him.
It just comes down that he doesn't respect me. I can't say I am not independent because I help my mother with the bills and around the house (like I have been for years) and where I live, apartments are just sky high expensive. My sister, mother and I help each other.
Gender aside... Have you got a job? Do you pay your own bills? Your taxes? Do you clean up after yourself, or does someone clean up after you? Do you spend at least half of your time in productive ways?
Adults are autonomous. They pay their own bills. They clean up after themselves and do not rely on others to take care of them. It does not matter who you are living with as long as you are taking care of your business. You can live with your parents and make your own way, buy your own food, clean your space, take care of your own needs... Then you will be an adult - gender not important.
I've been paying my own bills since I was 16, been working since I was 13, been cleaning around the house and doing other chores since I was able to walk and talk, cooking food for myself and occassionally my family since I was 10. When my younger brothers were born, I pretty much was their father since their father left. I am constantly productive in many ways.
My mother taught me how to pay the electric bill and rent and would send me to pay them when I was about 8 and I went started going to the markets once I began school for my mother. I've been doing laundry since I was a kid etc. I live with my mom but I more than take care of my own business and HERS as well. So...
I ask this because sometimes I don't know if people look at me as if I am man. I feel a lot of my family members don't think of me as a man, especially my uncle. My uncle tends to have a lack of respect for me, dismisses me, underestimates me, and is always trying to "teach me how to be a man". In his eyes I am still a 15 year old boy traversing my way into manhood. He's always trying to "teach me how to be a man" and since I don't have my own apartment, car, a better income than what I have now, a girlfriend he thinks I am inexperienced in life and tends to always shun me to an extent, which--of course--is highly annoying.
Now, I'll be the first to admit; I KNOW I don't have a car, my own place, a girlfriend (don't want a serious one either right now) and I know there's plenty of endeavors in my life I have not completed. Regardless, that's MY business and no one needs to tell me what I should be doing.
Personally, I feel like a man is someone who can take care of themselves and be able to care for the people that matter (I.e. family, close friends etc), take care of my personal responsibility and all that. Sure, I don't have a car (don't need one in this city I'm in) and don't have my own place but I certainly don't sit around at home and bum out. I won't claim myself as a man but I don't feel I am a little boy either. I take responsibility for my actions and for my faults in life and don't try to place any blame on anyone or anything else.
Anyway, the point of this thread is not me ranting but I want to know what women classify as a "man". Is having all these material things what makes you a man? Or is the character of the man that makes him a man?
Men, you're welcome to chime into but I definitely want to know women's view on a man.
When you truly become a *man* , you will stop worrying if others perceive you as a man...and KNOW they do.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,023,873 times
Reputation: 9418
There are many things that make a man a man. If you're happy where you're at, so be it. Let it roll off your back. But! While one measure of a man isn't owning a car, I admit, regardless of whether you're ready or not for a serious relationship, the fact is, it could happen when you least expect it. Or not. Meaning, it could pass you by when you feel it was right in front of you. Can you see yourself meeting someone who's really struck by you, you by her, and asking her out? "Meet me at the bus stop at..."? And taking a cab could become very expensive. I'll be honest, I wouldn't be real struck by that. I like total independence. Most women do. Most people in general do. I highly recommend getting a car. There are so many reasons to have one, even if you only use it for emergencies--it's there for you.
lol I do have a car but seldom spend time at its location. Course I can and will get a car, cab, whatever, as needed where ever I am. Nor do I have a home but this is a choice, I am traveling for a few years and don't wish to be tied down. I am an adult though because it is not the having of things that makes someone an adult, it is doing what needs to be done and taking the responsibility for the results. If you are already doing this you are there. It is sometimes hard for older people to see someone they always knew as a child in their mind as an adult. As an example one of my nieces was up to visit recently and although she is 30 and now has kids of her own I still see the baby I once bounced on my knee. In my case I also recognize the woman but it sounds like your uncle may still only be seeing the boy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
