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This and the rest of the "join a gym"-talk is the second dumbest advice in the thread right after "it'll come, you look fine".
1. You don't seem to know crap about roids, roid rages, etc. (roid rage is more of a myth than anything else. Roids may amplify agression is 5% of users but do not create psychotic rages in any way, and if the steroids are used properly the other risks are very low as well, however the user is likely to gain certain ammountoof acne and body-hair as well as (temporarily) shrunken balls. Other fairly comon symptomes is early hair-loss on the top of the head and getting sterile. The rest of the ordinary arguments against steroids are usually rumors or suspicions that lack proof or positive empirical testing results)
2. Most women don't give a crap about muscles. trust me on this; I'm 6'4 tall and dark, athletic 210 lbs with a chest like a winebarrel and shoulders as wide as the fender of a pick-up truck. Women do look at my body and complement it at times. And I do see women look at other fit men and stay "look at his abs/arms/whatever!" etc.
BUT
They are not like men, we look at a woman with a nice body, and within a second we're ready to take her home and bone her hard for everything we're worth!
But Women hardly ever go home with any guys on the basis that they're muscly,
they do look at the muscles,
they do like the muscles,
They might give off a smile at the muscles,
BUT then they're content with that and move on to the social "confident" guys that intrigues their psyches and spread their legs in his bed instead.
Just ask any woman about how it goes when they find themselves attracted to somebody... and try to think of what time-frame it's about. it takes 2 seconds to value a persons appearence, then you have to find a way to "ease her up" for at least a couple of hours if not more before she's willing to drop her panties for you.
This is my personal biggest problem as I always run out of conversation after a couple of minutes...
You are right as far as you go, but you left something out - muscling up is more important to the guy who will then *like* what he sees in the mirror.
Changing your body will to some extent change your personality.
Another aspect is if the OP is a high-IQ type, the dumb but hot chicks, attractive as they may be to look at, just won't work. Been there, done that.
If a guy is not a mainstream conformist, looking to marry, have kids, and live in the burbs, it may help to go online to find for example childfree women.
And, finally - if you look good and muscle up a bit, you should at least appeal to cougars - and for an inexperienced guy, dating cougars can be a good thing. Depending, you may end up in LTR with a gal a few years older than you, or not.
Well...I have been approaching women for like 7 years now and I'm not to happy to say that after all this time I have never had a girlfriend, a date or even my first kiss for that matter....
Ok, I am not going to read thru 7 pages of this.
My advice is go see a doctor and get a full physical and blood work done. You may have a low testosterone level, this can be helped with supplements.
My next advice is to take a few hundred dollars and go to Reno (or where ever) and get a hooker. You could let a doctor send you to a sexual therapist but it amounts to the same thing. Once you get a taste you will gain some desire and make changes in your self.
Hagen,
As a musician, hang around art and theater depts at local colleges. Arts and theater girls are cool and generally love musician types that aren't necessarily macho. Go to campus coffeehouses and events. Volunteer in some theater productions (sound tech?). Seems like your best bet.
Sorry but that's the hard truth, being ugly is not a choice and there's not much you can do about it, but that's the way life is, it's not fair to everyone, handsome and tall guys have it all, they would have women throwing themselves at them.
That's right, hun. And since I have options, I have the option of turning down shallow women like you down and HARD.
OP - What's your background? You aren't bad looking at all by the way! Just smile more!!! Screw that hit the gym thing, you look fine. I think you just need to smile more to make yourself a little more approachable..
Your looks are not the problem. As a matter of fact you look strikingly similar to a male model I worked with.
It's the fact that you are basing your self-worth on other people's opinions rather than owning who you are, no matter how out of sync you may be with the general public. Do you want to be a cookie-cutter, Ed Hardy wearing- no neck muscle bound -spikey haired moron with an equally conforming vacuous girlfriend?
So you're different than your peers, that makes you unique. Not ugly. Enjoy what sets you apart and let that shine. Laugh at the conforming idiots. Observe their behavior like chimps in a zoo.
Your lack of self confidence combined with shyness probably makes you less willing to reveal your true personality with a girl. If you are that type of shy, I've seen that a lot since I do like shy, nerdy, artistic types but they put me off when they seem closed off and disinterested which is a turn off. They will be too concerned about pleasing me and never give their true opinions or act at ease (confidence from within) which is boring and makes me think he doesn't like me enough to open up. That's where I can see the women you were out with would wander away to someone who showed interest.
Work on being comfortable with who you are right now and stop worrying how others see you. Everyone, no matter how good looking, is riddled with self doubt because we're human! We are all poor slobs, just trying to find our piece of the happiness pie. Once you understand that, you can start to feel better about your situation and just BE (relax & open up).
Let me scare a bit of sense into you. The longer you wait, the worse it's going to get for you. You need to experience a relationship now before you get too old. You can't be in your first relationship when you're 30 and make all the rookie mistakes you were suppose to make as a teen. You need to learn now so you get those past you. And believe me, everyone makes mistakes in their first relationship.
With that said, change up your life. Remember what Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." You need to change your life up otherwise you'll keep failing. Since you're still in school, it should be easier for you to find a girl. It only gets tougher when you graduate. I recommend you socialize more with your schoolmates and make friends with more females. Find one who you share interests with and go after her. Not just go after anyone, but target her specifically. Focus all your attention on that one woman and see if she swoons. Obviously if she doesn't like you, then back off and move along. But always give your complete attention to them.
OP, i don't mean to sound the alarm or anything but i think you should def at least get laid if you can. not saying you should get in a relationship as for that to happen you need to find a compatible partner first, but getting laid is easy. you're tall so you already have that goin for you, most women love tall guys. you're not bad lookin and i think with a better dressing style you could easily pull off the suave+sexy look.
however i'd like to echo what another poster said. don't try to come off as too smooth or confident, because yes, that will set off alarm bells in their heads and they're usually terrified of getting played (at least the young ones, in their 20s). if you can get yourself a cougar (and trust me, they are NOT hard to find and will be happy to show a youngin' the ropes), i'd say go for it. when i was your age i had no problem with older chics and it was definitely fun.
realize too, that many guys in their early 20s have the problems you're facing, in terms of meeting young girls. women in that age range literally have the world at their feet when it comes to dating and even if they're not that hot, they can get their pick of men simply because of the fact that they're young (i've seen this happen time and time again). because of the fact that they have so many more options, they tend to gain experience (and the confidence that comes with it) at a much faster rate as well. most guys don't get to that level of experience till at least their mid 20s, which is the time around which the game starts to even out a bit and then shift in our favor. hang in there, things will get better.
but yeah...go get laid. even if you have to pay for it. sex just feels good, and you don't have to wait around if that's all you're lookin for.
Hagan--just saw your photo on your profile. You are DEFINITELY the artist type. Get over to the music/theater/art depts. and hang out. Forget older women. The point isn't to get laid just for the sake of it, it's to find girls you click with and could have a future with. Don't compete in the arena of machos, just know who you are.
Well...I have been approaching women for like 7 years now and I'm not to happy to say that after all this time I have never had a girlfriend, a date or even my first kiss for that matter....and last week I was at this party and 4 of my friend's girlfriends started talking about the fact that they never see me with a girl..of course I didn't tell hem that I was a virgin but said that I didn't get a lot of dates though..and as the conversation progressed they said that:
1) I was too quiet, which gives a shy feel, and women almost never go for shy guys...
2) The way i dressed and groomed my self makes me look too young and not " alpha maleish" looking...
3) I am too mature, responsible ( they pointed out the fact that I never got drunk as an example) and that was killing my game..
4) Other women don't see me with a lady by my side, which doesn't give me a lot of status
5) I live with my mom and women see this as a weakness..( I will not ditch my mom by the way....it's only me and her here in the US..at least until my dad gets his green card and moves here...)
Believe me I know they are not the most reliable source of wisdom...but at least they were honest...
Do you guys think they could be right about this?
Ugh. The 5th one might be right, but the rest, these girls are dumb*sses.
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