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how do you get over the hurt? me and my boyfriend were together for 9months. he was my first everything, so people tell me it will be harder for me than if he weren't my first. we had our share of problems, his crazy ex girlfriends, his ex telling his 6 yr old son to call me names and trying to break us up.but we really loved eachother. we broke up a month ago, i was stressed my mom has diabetes and its turning her legs purple, my friend has a tumor, and i hated my job and i went home crying all the time and with this job i hardly got to see my bf and i was taking my stress out on him so i decided to quit my job and go back to my old one where i was happy and had a social life. i didnt tell him any of this. i knew he was stressed too n he freaked out on me for no reason, told me he didnt need me and didnt know why he was with me, he later called and apologized not really for that part of what he said but thats the first time he apologized for anything. but he got butthurt when i txtd him n said "if u care i have tomorrow off and havent made any plans yet but only if u want to spend time with me" he got pissed n told me it wasnt going to work out. said i pissed him off n i dont want him spending time with his kid, which isnt true but id like time to do things just the 2 of us. i dont expect him to choose me over his kid. but i talked to him a couple weeks ago n i told him everything, all he said was i love you but not now i'll call you when im ready what does that mean?! plus i had to talk to him the nxt day cuz i was goin out to the bar with some friends n wanted to let him know cuz last time i did that his crazy ex told him she saw me cheating on him! im not like that at all! (he didnt believer her, he knows im totaly happy with him)im your typical good girl but he told me he didnt care what i did n to stop calling cuz it makes him mad. how do you treat someone you love like that? everyone tells me hes not worth it but i see something they dont and need to talk to someone who doesnt just talk crap bout him but can help me get over the hurt because i cry every day i could be fine one minute n the nxt i can have a breakdown in the middle of the store like i said im really not ok.
Nobody is "fine" after a break-up, whether they're the one who did the breaking up or the one on the receiving end. Unfortunately there is no way to end the immediate hurt and you just have to go through it.
However, there are things you can do which can help. First, don't call him. Second, don't go hanging out at bars and, even more important, stop drinking. Drinking is a depressant and you certainly don't need that right now.
Get outside, go for walks, get some exercise. Physical exercise helps a lot!
What's something you'd like to do that you've never done or never had time for before? Some sort of hobby - anything? Anything you'd like to learn that maybe you can take an evening class in?
The bottom line is that sitting around moping is only going to prolong the pain. You need to get out and do things to take your mind off what could have, should have or might have been. It's over, you're young and life goes on. Good luck to you.
If I was in your shoes I would be out celebrating that I missed a bullet. He has a bitchy ex and a kid to support. Did you really want to get in the middle of that?
That is hard enough but when HE doesn't want you around to help then run as far as you can. Find a man who doesn't have this baggage and/or drama.
i should have said as well i dont drink the bar idea was to get out of the house n have a good time, ive been going out with friends ive even volunteered to help a friend shovel horse crap just so i wasnt sitting around at home, and im goin back to school soon so im trying i really am. we went thru this before and it turned out fine he's the kind of guy that completely shuts down when hes mad n he could ignore me for a week n then hes fine. i know thats not normal but we were have 95% of the time the week we broke up we were stressed but cuddling, n hugs n kisses like usual. how do you go from that to "it just wont work out"? im still hoping for him to get over his stubborness and come back yes he has a lot of baggage but i miss him and everything we did im not a depressing person but this has changed me my mother thinks i should talk to a shrink. i am not this person i hate feeling like this
What does "he got butthurt" mean? I've heard that expression a few times from certain quarters lately and I confess I do not know the nuances of its meaning/origin.
I mentioned about drinking since you mentioned a bar but obviously if the shoe doesn't fit ...
Your mother may well be right in suggesting you seek counseling. You may not be a depressing person but you certainly are a depressed one! I see now from previous posts that you've been looking into moving to further your career. With a six year old in tow it's surely not likely that he'd be up to moving with you? You're only 20 and way too young to be thinking of being tied down to a man with a lot of baggage and a young child. Take care of yourself and get your own life and career in order. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you've got years ahead of you to forge your own path and get out of the rut you're in. Good luck and bon voyage!
how do you get over the hurt? me and my boyfriend were together for 9months. he was my first everything, so people tell me it will be harder for me than if he weren't my first. we had our share of problems, his crazy ex girlfriends, his ex telling his 6 yr old son to call me names and trying to break us up.but we really loved eachother. we broke up a month ago, i was stressed my mom has diabetes and its turning her legs purple, my friend has a tumor, and i hated my job and i went home crying all the time and with this job i hardly got to see my bf and i was taking my stress out on him so i decided to quit my job and go back to my old one where i was happy and had a social life. i didnt tell him any of this. i knew he was stressed too n he freaked out on me for no reason, told me he didnt need me and didnt know why he was with me, he later called and apologized not really for that part of what he said but thats the first time he apologized for anything. but he got butthurt when i txtd him n said "if u care i have tomorrow off and havent made any plans yet but only if u want to spend time with me" he got pissed n told me it wasnt going to work out. said i pissed him off n i dont want him spending time with his kid, which isnt true but id like time to do things just the 2 of us. i dont expect him to choose me over his kid. but i talked to him a couple weeks ago n i told him everything, all he said was i love you but not now i'll call you when im ready what does that mean?! plus i had to talk to him the nxt day cuz i was goin out to the bar with some friends n wanted to let him know cuz last time i did that his crazy ex told him she saw me cheating on him! im not like that at all! (he didnt believer her, he knows im totaly happy with him)im your typical good girl but he told me he didnt care what i did n to stop calling cuz it makes him mad. how do you treat someone you love like that? everyone tells me hes not worth it but i see something they dont and need to talk to someone who doesnt just talk crap bout him but can help me get over the hurt because i cry every day i could be fine one minute n the nxt i can have a breakdown in the middle of the store like i said im really not ok.
It's true that there are many men out there. But it's not true that there will be many compatible choices. I think it's important to hold on to someone IF they seem to be like a very compatible choice. However, you may not know whether he is the best choice for you or not. I would see other people, try to forge other relationships (maybe online, like through interpals.com) or other websites and see what's out there. Besides, finding someone else will help to make the current problems not feel bad.
It is possible that you two could be good together under normal circumstances. But that these tough times are too tough to handle for both of you. If seems like he likes to have you in his life, but you are too difficult to handle (because of all the problems that come with this relationship). He is probably trying to weigh the pros and cons of being in this relationship. If things do not change (the circumstances) the relationship will have a very hard time. However, if things change and you guys will be able to have a better time together without too much of the bad stuff, it might still work out.
I would tell him about the changes (to let him know that he won't have to deal with as much of the bad stuff) and then let him have his time to sort things out. If he misses you enough, he'll be willing to try again.
If he doesn't miss you enough, maybe you two were not meant to be in the first place.
u sound upset. u also sound like me, on the emotinal side.
a great start is counseling and 12 step.
see link.
i stay clear of bars and sex esp when i am upset.
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