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Although you say you use it as your stand-by so to speak, the fetishes give you gratification.
You haven't been in an adult relationships for long enough to say this with certainty. Therefore, its not realistic in the present, its denial.
If I met a well spoken attractive female without kids and a sense of humor, do you really think i would want to mess up the opportunity to be with her by talking about fetishes???
Knowing that it takes 4 to 5 months to come across someone dating material, bringing up fetishes would be STUPID
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