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I don't agree with this attitude because I have had it come back and bite me in another way. I was dating a girl (@ least I thought I was) for about 4 months and we were hooking up regularly for 3. Come month 5 and I found out she had been hooking up with another guy for the first 3 months we were together. She tried to argue we weren't exclusive (made it official in month 3-4) but it was cheating to me so I dumped her. I assumed if we're having sex fairly often then she didn't need it from anyone else, and that's why assumption is the mother of all f#$% ups
I'd be more concerned that she was putting my health at risk.
Wow, this is truly fantastic advice! Time for me to follow it. I never have initiated the relationship convo, but I've also usually not had enough other options. Gotta figure out how to meet more women. Being shy and fearing rejection, thats hard for me to do.
Its hard for everyone to overcome fear of rejection. I'm an outgoing guy and I don't have any problem approaching anyone until it comes to a girl I'm interested in and I freeze up and over-analyze myself right out of it. I've overcome this by basically thinking the world ends tomorrow, and it doesn't matter if this girl is into me or not.
Or you can try the "throwing out a bone" approach as I like to call it. I don't go right up and start complimenting or hitting on them. I just throw out statements not exactly directed at her and see if she plays along. Example: Walk up near her, not to her, and say "man, it's freezing outside!" Then take notice if she smiles, laughs, responds with "oh I know! it's icy too!". If she gives you any hint that she noticed you in a positive way, keep the conversation going "yeah, I'm from Cali so I'm not used to this weather....are you from around here?" Then just chat with her. Then after a few minutes say "well hey, I gotta run, it was nice meeting you, what's your name? Can I give you a call sometime?"
You'll get more no's than you will yes's so just go with it, you got nothing to lose. 99% of the no's you get will be because of something that have nothing to do with you, like she may have a boyfriend, just in town for the weekend, just got out of a serious relationship, having a bad day, doesn't have time, etc.
I think this is good advice for a girl who is looking for a relationship too. I don't think men and women are different. There are plenty of men who are not looking for a relationship and a woman who is looking for a relationship might find herself on dates with guys like that. What is she to do?
Um, if she likes the guy and wants a relationship, she can make that known early on, or she can drop hints that is what she wants. One way to do this is not to sleep with him until he agrees to be exclusive. If she likes a guy and she think he's relationship minded as well (i.e. he isn't constantly trying to get in your pants without keeping the relationship "open"), then it is up to her to bring up that conversation of what they are looking for and see if they want the same things. If the guy doesn't want a relationship and the girl does, the girl can end it.
Only different is the girl has to bring it up because guys aren't turned off by girls that bring up relationships. If the guy brings it up then he's desperate/needy and women lose interest. This is indisputable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ulnevrwalkalone
I don't agree with this attitude because I have had it come back and bite me in another way. I was dating a girl (@ least I thought I was) for about 4 months and we were hooking up regularly for 3. Come month 5 and I found out she had been hooking up with another guy for the first 3 months we were together. She tried to argue we weren't exclusive (made it official in month 3-4) but it was cheating to me so I dumped her. I assumed if we're having sex fairly often then she didn't need it from anyone else, and that's why assumption is the mother of all f#$% ups
That's a personal problem. You clearly didn't establish exclusivity with her and she felt it was okay to sleep with others. Obviously you need to do more screening on your end about what type of women you are sleeping with. If you're looking for a relationship, don't sleep with her until she brings up the relationship convo. Besides, what guy complains about getting laid without committing??
Its hard for everyone to overcome fear of rejection. I'm an outgoing guy and I don't have any problem approaching anyone until it comes to a girl I'm interested in and I freeze up and over-analyze myself right out of it. I've overcome this by basically thinking the world ends tomorrow, and it doesn't matter if this girl is into me or not.
Or you can try the "throwing out a bone" approach as I like to call it. I don't go right up and start complimenting or hitting on them. I just throw out statements not exactly directed at her and see if she plays along. Example: Walk up near her, not to her, and say "man, it's freezing outside!" Then take notice if she smiles, laughs, responds with "oh I know! it's icy too!". If she gives you any hint that she noticed you in a positive way, keep the conversation going "yeah, I'm from Cali so I'm not used to this weather....are you from around here?" Then just chat with her. Then after a few minutes say "well hey, I gotta run, it was nice meeting you, what's your name? Can I give you a call sometime?"
You'll get more no's than you will yes's so just go with it, you got nothing to lose. 99% of the no's you get will be because of something that have nothing to do with you, like she may have a boyfriend, just in town for the weekend, just got out of a serious relationship, having a bad day, doesn't have time, etc.
Thumbs up for wonderful technique. Not the stereotypical "nice shoes, lets bone" line. The world ends tomorrow technique is something I use all the time. I sometimes consider it my d bag technique cuz really, you almost have to not care at all. Also, I never thought of the throw a bone technique. Definitely have to try it out.
Um, if she likes the guy and wants a relationship, she can make that known early on, or she can drop hints that is what she wants. One way to do this is not to sleep with him until he agrees to be exclusive. If she likes a guy and she think he's relationship minded as well (i.e. he isn't constantly trying to get in your pants without keeping the relationship "open"), then it is up to her to bring up that conversation of what they are looking for and see if they want the same things. If the guy doesn't want a relationship and the girl does, the girl can end it.
I agree, and that is how it's happened for me in my past relationships, or somehow they just knew I wanted a relationship or something, and they initiated the formal talk about it first, however, the first post I responded to made it sound like men always want relationships and women never do, and that's not true.
And, no, when it was brought up to me, it didn't make him sound needy or desperate at all.... maybe because I LIKED HIM A LOT and wanted it too. This he knew.
I actually hate FB and have disabled it, at least for now. For me, the only reason I would want to use that "relationship" status thing is so it gets back to my ex-wife (we have like 50 "friends" in common). She gave up on us and I would love for her to know I was happy with someone else and had moved on.
It's not like it has to be true... If you want to indulge in it, just go ahead!
It's not like it has to be true... If you want to indulge in it, just go ahead!
Good idea, Sierra. I may do that.
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