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For those in a somewhat new dating relationship (e.g., not married or living together, etc.), how do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend handle payment for stuff when you go out together?
For example...
> When you go to dinner, drinks/coffee, movies, get groceries to make a meal together, concert tickets, etc, do you pay separately or does one person typically pay for both?
> Do you decide how the payment will be handled ahead of time or when it comes time to pay?
> If the female in the relationship makes more money than the male, would it make any difference to you in how payment is handled?
We buy our own groceries, but I mainly buy when we go out to eat because it's usually my idea. He buys too, it just depends. It's never been an issue with us in the three years we've been together.
I've been in relationships with different scenarios, and it varies depending on the type of woman you are with and her approach and outlook on life in general.
Right now, I am with an independent and hardworking woman and when it comes to money and who is spending what, it all just kind of happens on it's own.
However, and I will never forget the walking nightmare that I was with a few years ago. In her 30's, still living at her parents house, had everything previously paid for by her father, then her husband, then back to her father after her divorce and she literally didn't even pay her own bills. Her dad at one point made up a budget for her, but he managed everything. I guess the budget was just for her reference or whatever.
Anyway, she had over $400k in a trust fund her grandfather left her that she barely touched aside from some of the interest that acrued on it. Had no responsibilities and barely worked. The point of all of this is, over the course of a year and a half, I paid for every dinner we ever had when we ate out, and sometimes it was 3-4 times a week. Sushi gets expensive at some of the places we went to ($80-90) and she liked eating well. I didn't care since I was eating too. Towards the end of the nightmare (relationship with her), she paid for dinner ONE time, but really didn't. She said she wanted to go to Red Robin (which confused me considering her tastes in food) and surprised me by saying she was going to pay for it. Wow. She just happened to have a gift card for that place that someone gave her. Amazing.
She always complained about "not having any money", which I thought was comical all things considered and at one point was dwelling on not having any money (she didn't count grandpas trust fund since her dad handled the distributions from it for important things like trips to Europe, her new car, etc) and I kind of inquired casually about it, and she said she had just "maxed out" her IRA contributions for the current and previous year which were $4,000 each. So, wow, I was like, thats one way to look at it. She was a flight attendant, so we were able to use her free flight passes to go on trips which was great, but when I covered the bills from the trips (hotels, dinners, related stuff), it was kind of like, Wow version 3.0 again. It's like thats great you have these totally awesome flight passes princess but the room at the Sheraton in Cabo just cost me $258 a night for a week. Anyway, she drifted through life with a damsel in distress attitude, even saying at one point that her father "wants me to be with a man that will take good care of me." I didn't really sign up to be the financier, in house psychologist, unpaid porn star and skydive outlaw that being with her royal highness would have required, and when I found out she was putting some other guys **** in her mouth, I decided it was check out time.
She bought groceries once too, although I regret that since she reminded me repeatedly, over and over that she had bought groceries once.
And yeah, that is the same human trainwreck that I mentioned in a post a while back that slept with a giant red plush bear everynight.
I swear, if at any point in time, had I ever woke up in the morning and walked outside with a cup of coffee and saw Charles Manson sitting on my front porch eating a bowl of Fruit Loops, I would have considered that more normal than anything I experienced during the journey to hell and back with her.
I've been in relationships with different scenarios, and it varies depending on the type of woman you are with and her approach and outlook on life in general.
Right now, I am with an independent and hardworking woman and when it comes to money and who is spending what, it all just kind of happens on it's own.
However, and I will never forget the walking nightmare that I was with a few years ago. In her 30's, still living at her parents house, had everything previously paid for by her father, then her husband, then back to her father after her divorce and she literally didn't even pay her own bills. Her dad at one point made up a budget for her, but he managed everything. I guess the budget was just for her reference or whatever.
Anyway, she had over $400k in a trust fund her grandfather left her that she barely touched aside from some of the interest that acrued on it. Had no responsibilities and barely worked. The point of all of this is, over the course of a year and a half, I paid for every dinner we ever had when we ate out, and sometimes it was 3-4 times a week. Sushi gets expensive at some of the places we went to ($80-90) and she liked eating well. I didn't care since I was eating too. Towards the end of the nightmare (relationship with her), she paid for dinner ONE time, but really didn't. She said she wanted to go to Red Robin (which confused me considering her tastes in food) and surprised me by saying she was going to pay for it. Wow. She just happened to have a gift card for that place that someone gave her. Amazing.
She always complained about "not having any money", which I thought was comical all things considered and at one point was dwelling on not having any money (she didn't count grandpas trust fund since her dad handled the distributions from it for important things like trips to Europe, her new car, etc) and I kind of inquired casually about it, and she said she had just "maxed out" her IRA contributions for the current and previous year which were $4,000 each. So, wow, I was like, thats one way to look at it. She was a flight attendant, so we were able to use her free flight passes to go on trips which was great, but when I covered the bills from the trips (hotels, dinners, related stuff), it was kind of like, Wow version 3.0 again. It's like thats great you have these totally awesome flight passes princess but the room at the Sheraton in Cabo just cost me $258 a night for a week. Anyway, she drifted through life with a damsel in distress attitude, even saying at one point that her father "wants me to be with a man that will take good care of me." I didn't really sign up to be the financier, in house psychologist, unpaid porn star and skydive outlaw that being with her royal highness would have required, and when I found out she was putting some other guys **** in her mouth, I decided it was check out time.
She bought groceries once too, although I regret that since she reminded me repeatedly, over and over that she had bought groceries once.
And yeah, that is the same human trainwreck that I mentioned in a post a while back that slept with a giant red plush bear everynight.
I swear, if at any point in time, had I ever woke up in the morning and walked outside with a cup of coffee and saw Charles Manson sitting on my front porch eating a bowl of Fruit Loops, I would have considered that more normal than anything I experienced during the journey to hell and back with her.
Wow! No one should be raised to be useless these days. What a throwback!
Most of my dates pay because they are gentleman, but I like to pay so I don't feel like a mooch. If I cook, I pay for the groceries, etc.. If i invite him out with my friends, I prefer to pay.
I've never sat down before a night out to decide who is going to pay. I think that would be a mood killer.
I've been in relationships with different scenarios, and it varies depending on the type of woman you are with and her approach and outlook on life in general.
Right now, I am with an independent and hardworking woman and when it comes to money and who is spending what, it all just kind of happens on it's own.
However, and I will never forget the walking nightmare that I was with a few years ago. In her 30's, still living at her parents house, had everything previously paid for by her father, then her husband, then back to her father after her divorce and she literally didn't even pay her own bills. Her dad at one point made up a budget for her, but he managed everything. I guess the budget was just for her reference or whatever.
Anyway, she had over $400k in a trust fund her grandfather left her that she barely touched aside from some of the interest that acrued on it. Had no responsibilities and barely worked. The point of all of this is, over the course of a year and a half, I paid for every dinner we ever had when we ate out, and sometimes it was 3-4 times a week. Sushi gets expensive at some of the places we went to ($80-90) and she liked eating well. I didn't care since I was eating too. Towards the end of the nightmare (relationship with her), she paid for dinner ONE time, but really didn't. She said she wanted to go to Red Robin (which confused me considering her tastes in food) and surprised me by saying she was going to pay for it. Wow. She just happened to have a gift card for that place that someone gave her. Amazing.
She always complained about "not having any money", which I thought was comical all things considered and at one point was dwelling on not having any money (she didn't count grandpas trust fund since her dad handled the distributions from it for important things like trips to Europe, her new car, etc) and I kind of inquired casually about it, and she said she had just "maxed out" her IRA contributions for the current and previous year which were $4,000 each. So, wow, I was like, thats one way to look at it. She was a flight attendant, so we were able to use her free flight passes to go on trips which was great, but when I covered the bills from the trips (hotels, dinners, related stuff), it was kind of like, Wow version 3.0 again. It's like thats great you have these totally awesome flight passes princess but the room at the Sheraton in Cabo just cost me $258 a night for a week. Anyway, she drifted through life with a damsel in distress attitude, even saying at one point that her father "wants me to be with a man that will take good care of me." I didn't really sign up to be the financier, in house psychologist, unpaid porn star and skydive outlaw that being with her royal highness would have required, and when I found out she was putting some other guys **** in her mouth, I decided it was check out time.
She bought groceries once too, although I regret that since she reminded me repeatedly, over and over that she had bought groceries once.
And yeah, that is the same human trainwreck that I mentioned in a post a while back that slept with a giant red plush bear everynight.
I swear, if at any point in time, had I ever woke up in the morning and walked outside with a cup of coffee and saw Charles Manson sitting on my front porch eating a bowl of Fruit Loops, I would have considered that more normal than anything I experienced during the journey to hell and back with her.
And you stayed with her for a year and a half because...???
Anyway - money has never been an issue in any of my relationships or even with the guys that I just casually dated. I always offered to pay - sometimes they'd pay, sometimes I'd pay, sometimes we'd go dutch. When I had an open relationship with my boyfriend - I'd always insist on paying when I went out on dates with other guys. Otherwise - I'd say that things with my first two boyfriends pretty much equalled themselves out in terms of who paid for what. My husband was pretty insistent on paying for dinners and such more often - but we would split hotels/airfare/etc when it came to taking trips and things like that.
I think in a good relationship - it shouldn't really be an issue.
Skydive, why did you stay with this woman? Anyone with a $400,000 trust fund and who never paid for a date is a candidate for being dumped after one date. You are well rid of this selfish parasite. And I bet she still hasn't spent any of the money in her fund. Cheapskate supreme!
Skydive, why did you stay with this woman? Anyone with a $400,000 trust fund and who never paid for a date is a candidate for being dumped after one date. You are well rid of this selfish parasite. And I bet she still hasn't spent any of the money in her fund. Cheapskate supreme!
She was beyond cheap - and the worst kind of cheap. Came from a wealthy family, had her trust fund, yet was extremely tight with money. It was almost pathological in a sense. She was definetely a parasite but not just financially. Emotionally too. Dealing with her was a 24/7 job in terms of emotional and psychological work. It was absoultely exhausting at times. Total narcissist too, and oblivious to reality.
Why did I stay? Duh. The sex was out of control, at least five times a day, and it was like being in a porn movie every night. I could tolerate her for over a year until I started to actually not like her as a person anymore and then being with her physically was not an issue. To this day, it was one of the most confusing experiences of my life. She slept with a red, plush bear every night, had the mentality of a 12 year old, lacked cognitive functioning and emotional maturity. At times it was like I wasn't even dealing with a real person, but some kind of artificial character that lacked emotions, empathy and the ability to function in the world.
But like I said, the sex was amazing and she fit the criteria for my ideal woman (physically): brunette, killer curves, dark and mysterious eyes (which in hindsight were just empty eyes devoid of any soul). She was insane though and totally disordered. Ah, the phenomenon of "love". . . . . . . . or just pheromones and orgasms. Ha, ha!
Most of my dates pay because they are gentleman, but I like to pay so I don't feel like a mooch. If I cook, I pay for the groceries, etc.. If i invite him out with my friends, I prefer to pay.
I've never sat down before a night out to decide who is going to pay. I think that would be a mood killer.
No kidding. If money was such a HUGE issue, as it seems to be for so many people on this forum, then I would probably not bother dating until I could get to a place in life that I wasn't worried about every nickle and dime.
As far as me and mine - we both contribute, and I think it probably evens out. He may spend more on things like fixing the camper, ammo for our shooting - stuff like that - but I certainly spend way more on food, since I do the cooking 98% of the time (unless it's on the grill, he's no cook! ). We've been together long enough that we know we are going to equally contribute...and that it all works out.
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). We've been together long enough that we know we are going to equally contribute...and that it all works out.
