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Pretense-I'm also a guy, I'm gay and I'm asking a relationship question about my boyfriend. We have a great relationship, have been together for 7 months, and he does not lie to me, is incredibly sweet and warm, etc.
So we are both users of the blog site tumblr. A few months ago he met another gay guy on there and has been friends with him ever since (he does not live close by, so long-distance friendship only). In the past month or so, he's become very close with him and talks to him on tumblr every day. They call each other "bffs," post photos to each other, and even said they started a workout plan together.
I became jealous about this friendship because they have more in common in certain aspects than I have with my boyfriend, and also I know my boyfriend finds blonde guys attractive and his tumblr friend is blonde. They started talking more and more, but nothing ever seemed flirtatious, though I never saw private messages from this boy.
Well, the other day, my boyfriend asked if it was okay he started texting the guy from tumblr. I paused and didn't know what to say at first, but then said of course he could, and that it wasn't my position to control who he texts. He said he knew I wouldn't care, and that he just wanted to tell me so that I knew nothing bad was happening.
I may just be very sensitive, but should I be worried? The only thing I worry about is that the boy from tumblr is single and has said publicly how he wants guy advice, and my boyfriend is a very attractive guy. I'm just worried that they will get closer, maybe too close, and something could happen. Not to be graphic, but my boyfriend has sent me naked photographs of himself before. What if my boyfriend sends his tumblr friend those photographs, when drunk or something?
Your honest thoughts? Thank you. This is my first time posting something on here, but I just needed others' thoughts.
This is one of those situations where he will either end his relationship with you, or he won't. I don't see where you have any control over what happens, you don't own him and if you do try to control him you will chase him away. Maybe you need to make friends with the new guy.
Yeah, though I feel it would be a bit odd to befriend the new guy, being that, I don't know, I just have no particular reason to. I fear it would seem out of the blue.
I can validate your concerns. When someone you are in a relationship w/ starts an intimate friendship w/ someone else, it is/can be threatening.
It will be difficult, because he is being honest w/ you, which is a plus. But, a growing relationship can be very subtle, he may not intend to get involved emotionally, but honestly...he may already be at that point.
Talking to an individual everyday, exclusively..and to the exclusion of YOu, his partner is unfair to you....where are you when he is doing this??
The risk when folks do this is that the time and energy that should be going to their partner, YOU.. is going to someone else. To me that is also a form of cheating.
Some folks say emotional affairs are more damaging then just sexual affairs. He is cheating you two out of the time and energy he is devoting to someone that shouldn't deserve it.
There is another thread, similar situation. Wife, Emotional Affair, and "the friend." Check it out, some good insightful responses, which may touch on your situation.
You might get some good insight to your situation, and potential problems.
You mentioned you and your partner have been exclusive for 7 mths, but he also started talking to this guy a couple mths into your relationship w/ him. It has escalated, obviously w/ the ongoing daily chatting, and now texts.
If it were me, I would try to keep him from chatting w/ this person.....in a very subtle way. Make plans, do something unexpected, try your skills at keeping him to busy w/ you to get online. If it hasn't gone beyond the barriers, it may only take a couple days to break this habit he has developed on the website.
It is a plus that you are reasonable, but it may be at your own detriment.
This "other" guy has not even been challenged by being ignored, and neglected. Wonder if he got the treatment you are getting, if he would show his true colors, his true intentions towards your boyfriend.
That might be the quickest way to get to the bottom of whether this is potential relationship threatening interaction. How either of them react to being "cut off" from each other.
IMO, if this "other" friend has your boyfriends best interest at heart, and it isn't one of "those" situations, he will understand if your boyfriend says, "I have been spending more time than I should and I need to give more time to my relationship".
Someone that really is a friend would be supportive, and not bother the person....would "back-off" willingly because they are truly a friend.
How would your boyfriend feel if the situation were reversed?? If he isn't willing to spend more time w/ you, and less or no time w/ this other guy, much as it may hurt, you may have your answer. Hope things improve for you.
Last edited by JanND; 01-27-2012 at 10:33 PM..
Reason: punctuation
I didn't realize people actually meet on the tumblr website. If you are also long-distance just like the new bff, there's going to be trouble. I'm not a fan of LDR's. Just my opinion.
No, my boyfriend and I are not long distance, we live 15 minutes from each other during the school year and an hour from each other during the summer (we are both still in college).
No, my boyfriend and I are not long distance, we live 15 minutes from each other during the school year and an hour from each other during the summer (we are both still in college).
Alright. Well your feelings about the situation are valid. He's playing games.
jjonrolf You are so welcome. I really feel that this young man is actually involving himself w/ another relationship, that you are exclusive. Have you two had that talk, exclusive?? I had made the assumption from your first post that you were living together. For you not to be living together, I would think he should be spending more time w/ you. And, if he is coming to your place, or you going to his, he certainly is being disrespectful of you if he is carrying on w/ this other guy while you are in his presence. Hope things get better. You seem like a very nice intelligent young man, and you deserve respect and a real relationship. Jan
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