What is one of the biggest obstacles you might face during a marriage? (movies, girlfriend)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
These are real reasons. I talked to a man once and he told me that happened in his marriage. After 22 years, his wife didn't have that certain sparkle in her eyes she had before. He wanted to feel the same way he felt when they first met. To him, it was like she wasn't the same person he fell in love with.
That's not a real reason. That's a childish, immature reaction of a little boy who wants the shiny new toy.
No one over the age of 18 should be having this 'reason.'
Anyone with a shred of experience and maturity knows that the 'honeymoon' stage is a bit of an illusion and you can keep searching for it over and over again or you can do what you can to keep bits of it going while you develop a deeper, more meaningful relationship.
Boredom and the loss of respect and trust. I cannot even imagine being with someone who bores me. To me that is a Cardinal Sin. Also once you lose your respect for someone I think the relationship is in serious trouble. Respect and trust are paramount. Once you doubt or despise someone your love has vanished.
The inability ( or unwillingness more often than not) to communicate is also one of the great dangers. Whether it is about Sex, whether you want to have kids or not, money , health , work , where to live or more trivial things, anything which is left to fester just corrodes and destroys. Resentment is the one way ticket to hatred IMO.
A good relationship to me is one where both parties feel they can be open and honest and where there is no taboo subject no matter how unpleasant or scary. To be able to discuss any topic shows true maturity and strength of character. It shows you are not afraid to be unpopular and trust and respect the other enough to treat them like adults.
I also think that unrealistic expectations are the quickest way to hits the rocks in a couple. Some people seem to mix unrelenting lust and desire for an ability to live with someone and be satisfied in all other aspects. Romantic and Sexual Love is wonderful no doubt about that but if you approach life thinking life ought to be a bed of roses every day and anything else is a failure then once again it is about as quick a way to to sabotage your own relationship.
Compromise and a sense of realism has to be a part of Love. I have known couples who thought that they could just sail by by simply fancying the pants off each other. You can't. If the foundation is built on sand the house will slowly sink and fall about your ears.
A sense of humour and self deprecation helps too. A willingness to admit life's absurdities and our own as well as other people's idiosyncrasies.
I had a co-worker who suffered from cancer. She said her husband told her, "I don't care WHAT happens to you. I hope you die."
What a horrible, horrible thing to say and feel!
Two more wives told me basically the same thing about their husbands.
How many spouses feel that way about their spouse during illness? What happened to "for better, for worse"?
If couples aren't willing to face the worst in marriage, they should NOT marry. Marriage isn't guaranteed happiness. There are happy times, average times, boring times, devasting times - and everything in between.
I think we are facing a HUGE obstacle right now and we're not even married or engaged, only dating about a year. My girlfriend just started treatment for hodgkins disease (cancer). For me leaving was never an option. I can't imagine not being by her side during this terrible journey. There are certainly times that I worry whether or not we'll make it. I'm really afraid of this illness causing irreparable damage to our relationship, but at the same time I'm hoping that it will only bring us that much closer in the long run. If we can survive something like this a year into our relationship, I'm betting we'll come out of any future mess stronger as well.
The whole diagnostic process and initial tests/surgeries have really caused a lot of worry, despair, and uncertainty, but if there's one thing in this whole world I want her to know is solid, it's us. The only thing I really worry about is the possible rift that could grow between us. We've spent nearly every day together for the past year, and now that she's enduring treatment she's living with her parents and it's difficult for us to spend significant amounts of time together alone or even at all. Not to mention she feels very sick during chemo week and is still tired on her good week. We've had many talks about it and we know that we had to take a small step back for the sake of getting her through her treatment, but it's still tough.
Anyway, our story continues. I'll do everything I can to make sure we make it through. Hopefully we can learn from such a trying situation and in the end we'll be stronger together than anything our lives will throw at us.
Sometimes phone calls, e-mails, cards/letters through the mail, brief visits, etc. can mean the world to loved ones. Your girlfriend would surely appreciate one - or all - of the above (in small doses, due to her treatments). Don't overwhelm her with affection, but give it in small doses. She'll love you all the more for it.
Maybe you can bring a DVD to her parents' home when she's up to it, and the two of you (or the family) can enjoy that (and each other's) company.
When you two survive this, you'll be stronger - and nothing will come between you. Life will be sweeter, and simple pleasures will seem like miracles (for they will be).
Thanks! We already do those things. I still see her almost every day and spend a lot of time on the road as a result, but we're still at the beginning of the journey with a long way to go so I will try to keep it up. One time I showed up for an hour just so she could nap while holding my hand. I'm really really trying the little things. She tells me they mean the world to her, so I'm going to keep on doing em!
Disease, addiction, severe financial stress, depression, a child with special needs....anything that is an obstacle in life is going to be an obstacle for your marriage.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
