Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I do not know what prompted your boyfriend to call your brother, and actually no one does, as the call never took place. You chose to tell your Brother what you thought the call pertained to. I can see that this young man was worried about you, and it is clear he cares, and while he might have been misdirected, especially in asking your brother not to tell you he called...I also think it might be best to sit your boyfriend down and ask what he had planned to discuss w/ your brother. Maybe he genuinely was concerned, and was seeking some support for you...I think there are far worse examples of betrayal w/in relationships. But, you are the one who knows how you feel about this. Address it, and if you feel it is a total betrayal, you'll perhaps move on. Knowing some of the things folks do to each other, trying to get advice on being supportive of you is imo not something to break-up over. I am sorry that you went through these things, and that you mother and relatives weren't brave enough to report this before you did. You break the cycle of abuse by telling the "secrets" not hiding them.
I shared with my boyfriend this past weekend that I was sexually abused by my uncle as a child. My uncle also died on Friday so I told my boyfriend everything. Tonight, my brother called me and said my boyfriend had called and left a message (I actually listened to the message) saying, "I was calling because Andrea is pretty upset about your uncle dying. I would prefer it if you didn't tell her that I called. Please call me back. Thanks." My brother did not know I was sexually abused and it was humiliating to have to explain to my brother what prompted my boyfriend to call. Was this inappropriate for him to do? What would you say to your SO if they did this to you? I feel it was none of his business calling my brother to divulge a dark, personal secret.
**UPDATE**
My brother and I were never close to our uncle. He was actually our Great Uncle by marriage. So you can imagine my brother's confusion as to why my boyfriend would be calling him saing I was upset about his passing. Our uncle was well-known to be a pedophile. He had abused my mother and her sisters when they were kids. And my brother hinted at that being the reason for his phone call. <-- ok that's the backstory. That is why I told my brother about the abuse.
Yeah I understand that he's your boyfriend but I still think it was none of his business to call your brother. But instead of coming on here to ask, why don't you just ask your boyfriend why he did what he did?
OP's boyfriend seems to have had good intentions at heart, even if he did not carry out those intentions in a way that would have been pleasing to the OP. He knew the OP was upset, and sounds like he thought that he could talk to her brother, and maybe he could help her through a difficult time.
What I'm saying is there's NO abuse or any details of that nature mentioned in that message and your BF very well may have meant to talk with your brother only about the grieving process. It's not his fault you blurted it out.
This.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
Sometimes I wonder if we all read the same thing... Anyway, obviously OP is not here for a discussion, but for validation alone.
This.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nite Ryder
Sometimes it is best to keep your mouth shut. You brought this on yourself by telling your boyfriend , then for no reason repeating the story to your brother. I would think you boyfriend has a perfect right to call who ever he wants. I don't call it going behind your back, I call it 'you looking for a reason to blame someone'. I can see your boyfriend not fully understanding what you said about your uncle and him conveying his feelings to your brother if he was upset and feeling sorry for you. I get the feelings your boyfriend was trying to help and showing his concern for you.
And this.
Sometimes the OP just needs to listen to the advice given. Imagine that.
I do not think you should have 'kept your mouth shut' at all - this is a part of your history and something you had every right to share with someone close to you.
However it seems pretty clear that your boyfriend had very good intentions in calling your brother, did NOT in fact have any plans to tell him anything other than that you were upset and could he contact you to help cheer you up.
This all sounds like something you should be thanking him for - it's not every guy who cares so much about his girlfriend.
I think your boyfriend was wrong to call your brother behind your back....which is exactly what he was doing (especially when he said...don't tell your sister)...who knows why...only your boyfriend knows that for sure....He should have talked to you, if he had concerns...not your brother....how long have you two been together??
I think your boyfriend was wrong to call your brother behind your back....which is exactly what he was doing (especially when he said...don't tell your sister)...who knows why...only your boyfriend knows that for sure....He should have talked to you, if he had concerns...not your brother....how long have you two been together??
Pretty sure his intent has been cleared up by the others but I'll reiterate it for ya. He was calling to have her brother provide emotional support for his sister that a boy friend may not be able to provide. Additionally, the "don't tell your sister" part was probably done with the intent of making it seem like a genuine contact by her brother so that the OP would appreciate it more. "He actually called to make sure i'm okay" type deal..and not see it as an act that was simply coaxed by her boy friend. I am very sympathetic to the op's situation, but she is definitely reading more into this situation than is necessary and Sierra has done a fine job pointing that out.
I was calling because Andrea is pretty upset about your uncle dying. I would prefer it if you didn't tell her that I called. Please call me back. Thanks."
Where in there did he say anything about you being abused. All I see is that you man was worried about you and wanted to ask your brother who has known you alot longer than he has for advice and how to go about providing you emotional support.
And women wonder why men think they're ungrateful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Yes it was inappropriate. And they say only women love drama. Not so.
And OP asking a iffy question while putting out some very personal information isn't drama? I love double standards in america.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
