Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Maybe she's bipolar. If she can say such awful things to you one day, and then turn around and give you "two times the fun" ... she's either really confused and messed-up in the head, a manipulative *****, or she has mental issues. I say this honestly, not to be mean or ugly, since you came here asking for advice.
You shouldn't allow someone to treat you so poorly. That's why people here are calling you a doormat and talking about you not having a backbone. I'm sure that stuff is no fun to read, but I hope you really give it some thought.
She might have given you a good 24 hours or so because you spent so much money on her. If she has been cheating on you - which it sounds like she has been - she probably tried to alleviate the guilt she felt when you were being so nice to her by giving you sex and lots of flirting and attention in return. That's her way of rationalizing her bad behavior and your denial of her bad behavior. In her head, she's thinking "Well, he got sex out of the deal so that makes us even..." She see's you as a way to get what she wants, and you're allowing it.
If that's what you call love, then you've got more things to face up to than problems with your wife.
I don't believe in divorce, personally. I believe just about any situation can be worked through IF BOTH spouses do the work together. My husband and I have had some very hard times over the past 17 years. We have separated three times - all three times were during the first 7 years of our marriage. We worked through it all, though, with outside help. The last ten years of our marriage have been wonderful, and each year it keeps getting even better.
I highly recommend seeking help from somewhere... a mediator, counselor, therapist, pastor, someone. The third time my husband and I separated we found help from a Tibetan Monk - seriously. And we're not Buddhist. Help is out there - you and your wife should go find some if you're serious about living a good life together. Because you deserve better. And it sounds like she needs help.
Well then, you guys don't even want to know what I have in store for her today. Let's just say it involves buying a new car (with removable top), an Indian silk scarf for those windy drives, cooking her favorite meal served with candles and roses, a long massage, and fresh homemade chocolates.
Hope you can repeat that behavior.....daily....be careful, MM - be very, very careful. You're truly going where angels fear to tread with only having her word that she's sorry. To my way of thinking, she should be buying YOU the car.
... so she can have "alone time" for about a week. We've had some difficult talks over the past week. She says I don't make her happy. She says I'm like "food with no nutrients." She says we have nothing in common. She says other people represent "life" and I represent "death." She says I give her a bottomless black hole in her soul.
but should I go on the week long vacation by myself and give her some time?
I haven't read any of the other responses or the thread. IMO, those are the words of women who is already done with the marriage.
Well then, you guys don't even want to know what I have in store for her today. Let's just say it involves buying a new car (with removable top), an Indian silk scarf for those windy drives, cooking her favorite meal served with candles and roses, a long massage, and fresh homemade chocolates.
Hmmmmm, I'd like a new ride. I wonder if I could shame/manipulate my husband into jumping through hoops like this.
You know her and we don't. Hopefully it works out. I will say, in my situation it is more of a long term thing so just make sure you make some long term changes on both sides and counseling would probably really help.
Well then, you guys don't even want to know what I have in store for her today. Let's just say it involves buying a new car (with removable top), an Indian silk scarf for those windy drives, cooking her favorite meal served with candles and roses, a long massage, and fresh homemade chocolates.
She says I'm smothering her when I do anything like that. I think all she really wants from me is to go out with her and her co-workers to parties and drink beer. And I'm going to do that, if that's what makes her happy.
LOL at the 30 days of sex. When I try to get her in the mood, acceptance rate is about 1-3%.
She is smothered by small gestures like notes in her purse and text messages?
But then you do this....
Quote:
Originally Posted by MountainMen
The weak/easy thing to do is give up and walk away. I'm not doing that, especially if all I have to go on is mean words. The hard thing to do is fight for a relationship with a person you love. Sunday morning I made her breakfast in bed, took her shopping at the mall, and then to her favorite restaurant and a foreign film in the evening. I had a great day, and it added up to two times the fun at night.
And she is fine...and you are planning this...
Quote:
Originally Posted by MountainMen
Well then, you guys don't even want to know what I have in store for her today. Let's just say it involves buying a new car (with removable top), an Indian silk scarf for those windy drives, cooking her favorite meal served with candles and roses, a long massage, and fresh homemade chocolates.
and she will probably be fine.
I fully support fighting for a marriage, and I really hope you two can find some compromises in your relationship and make it work. However, purely based on what you have said...she sounds like she is using you.
I have been in relationships before that were mostly for comfort and convenience. I had no attraction to that person, I would say mean things, and tell them that I am not interested in them. But...that person would then spoil me some, and I would put the negatives on the backburner temporarily. But they were still on that backburner. And finally, the relationship ended. Am I ashamed of how I acted? Very much so. It was very selfish of me. But in my mind, I had told that person how I truely felt deep down, and he choose to ignore it. So at that time (in my immature mind)..he was bringing it upon himself. Spoiling a person will not change her feelings...they will only subside the feelings.
Also, when you take her shopping, out to her favorite restaurant, and buy a new car; are you not afraid that you look like you are making up for something you did wrong? Have you done wrong that she deserves such gifts? Because it sounds like she demands a lot of you, and you demand little of her. It doesn't sound like there is any compromises in your relationship. Really, she is not paying any repercussions for her verbal abuse to you. You are actually condoning her actions by spoiling her. How does she show her love to you (And I don't mean the bedroom). Is she a verbal expresser? Does she show her love in her actions by taking care of you? I really hope you are getting more out of the relationship than just a couple moments of joy whenever you are spoiling her.
Well then, you guys don't even want to know what I have in store for her today . . .
Not really, no. But I'm sure it involves more doormattery.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Help is out there - you and your wife should go find some if you're serious about living a good life together. Because you deserve better. And it sounds like she needs help.
