Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So I have been dating this girl for about 9 months now. We had great time in those months. But recently we have been arguing a lot about little things. My communication style is different and when I ask her to do somethings, she thinks Im trying to trash her and make her feel like she's not doing anything just the way I wanted. Now I love this girl to death but every time I say something to her just ends up being something mean. But that's not what I intend to say to her.
This past weekend we got into an arguement when she tried to hide a conversation on her phone. It made me really mad since she deleted the conversation off the phone. It turns out she was talking to her sister about me and my girlfriend and our relationship. The only thing I asked her was to know who she was talking to but she tried to hide that. She cried in front of everyone and said that I don't trust her. Anyway, after that day everything started coming out on how mean I was to her when I tell her something and how we have been fighting. I told her that's just the way I talk to other people (even my family and friends). Im not mean, I care about you and stuff but the way I word it might sound wrong (English is not my first language). So after that day, I tried talking to her and she says she doesn't want to talk to me and wants time to her self. She still loves me but wants to reevaluate our relationship. This came out of no where and it shocked me. We saw each other everyday for past 9 months and all of a sudden she stopped talking to me like this. I really don't know what to do. I wanna be with this girl. I love her. I told her Im sorry if I said something wrong. But right now she just wants a self time. Im really not sure if she's going to break up with me or not. I just can't do anything without thinking about her.
Im looking for any advice. I tried texting her but she ignores me. Would it be good idea to talk to her face to face and try talking to her. She says she's not the type of girl I'm looking for. I told her that's not the case. I love you and want to spend my life with you. I feel helpless and lost.
Please help. We're both in our early 20's. This is my last college semester and she's done and working full time.
But recently we have been arguing a lot about little things. My communication style is different and when I ask her to do somethings, she thinks Im trying to trash her and make her feel like she's not doing anything just the way I wanted. Now I love this girl to death but every time I say something to her just ends up being something mean. But that's not what I intend to say to her.
I hope it is over!
Being mean and fighting is not a healthy relationship.
She may be dealing with personal insecurities? When you speak with her, it may place her in a past experience and it recreates the feelings from that time? Ask her about it. Like Pitt Chick said, see if she would be open to counseling. If she can't have a conversation about it, or is not open to the topic, I'm sorry to say, it may be time to move on.
We argue once in a while but thats about stupid stuff and we have not considered counseling.
Edit: I tried talking to her about things after this happened and she says she doesn't want to talk. I told her the way I communicate to you might be wrong but that's not what I mean. She said we should take time off and reevaluate the relationship to see if were happy. She says she still loves me. Would it be good idea to ask if she's open to counseling at this time? Can I approach her to see if she's willing to meet personally for an open conversation?
Time to move on! Take some time and recover, reflect on what went wrong, and learn from your mistakes. Youll grow as a person as you grow up at the same time. This will help you to know better in he future how to treat a lady, and how to let a lady treat you as well. Definitely don't call her up and try and get back together when you get lonely after spending a few months by yourself as this will rip the emotional scab of healing right back open,but you'll probably do that anyways
We argue once in a while but thats about stupid stuff and we have not considered counseling.
Edit: I tried talking to her about things after this happened and she says she doesn't want to talk. I told her the way I communicate to you might be wrong but that's not what I mean. She said we should take time off and reevaluate the relationship to see if were happy. She says she still loves me. Would it be good idea to ask if she's open to counseling at this time? Can I approach her to see if she's willing to meet personally for an open conversation?
OP,
In my opinion you may want to consider going into counseling for yourself--by yourself. It seems like you may have some difficulties expressing your thoughts and emotions verbally (via voice) and could benefit from learning other tactics that don't come as naturally for you.
I think if your girlfriend is asking for space, you should let her have it. You could let her know, however, that you'll be "right here" when she is ready to talk, and that you are looking into counseling to learn how to express yourself in healthier ways.
Okay, you've only been dating for nine months. Based on my own personal experience, that's when you start seeing whether or not you are well-suited to be a couple. That's why most experts recommend that you don't marry someone until you've been dating them for a long time and have learned how to work through serious issues. If things go to hell over little problems, you should probably move on.
It's not a failure on your part. You should give your girlfriend some personal space and allow her to talk to her sister about whatever she needs to discuss.
If things don't work out, they don't work out. It's just part of dating.
So I have been dating this girl for about 9 months now. We had great time in those months. But recently we have been arguing a lot about little things. My communication style is different and when I ask her to do somethings, she thinks Im trying to trash her and make her feel like she's not doing anything just the way I wanted. Now I love this girl to death but every time I say something to her just ends up being something mean. But that's not what I intend to say to her.
This past weekend we got into an arguement when she tried to hide a conversation on her phone. It made me really mad since she deleted the conversation off the phone. It turns out she was talking to her sister about me and my girlfriend and our relationship. The only thing I asked her was to know who she was talking to but she tried to hide that. She cried in front of everyone and said that I don't trust her. Anyway, after that day everything started coming out on how mean I was to her when I tell her something and how we have been fighting. I told her that's just the way I talk to other people (even my family and friends). Im not mean, I care about you and stuff but the way I word it might sound wrong(English is not my first language). So after that day, I tried talking to her and she says she doesn't want to talk to me and wants time to her self. She still loves me but wants to reevaluate our relationship. This came out of no where and it shocked me. We saw each other everyday for past 9 months and all of a sudden she stopped talking to me like this. I really don't know what to do. I wanna be with this girl. I love her. I told her Im sorry if I said something wrong. But right now she just wants a self time. Im really not sure if she's going to break up with me or not. I just can't do anything without thinking about her.
Im looking for any advice. I tried texting her but she ignores me. Would it be good idea to talk to her face to face and try talking to her. She says she's not the type of girl I'm looking for. I told her that's not the case. I love you and want to spend my life with you. I feel helpless and lost.
Please help. We're both in our early 20's. This is my last college semester and she's done and working full time.
If you know that how you communicate with others is harsh, why not try fixing that? Sounds like your girlfriend has reached her limit and by you getting mad when she was talking to her sister didn't help the situation at all. I don't think couples counseling is needed just yet.
How do your friends and family react to how you speak to them? Have they told you that you come off harsh? Sometimes we don't realize it until someone points it out. Is it the tone you, the words or combination that are harsh? Work on how you communicate because if you continue like this, you will have a hard time in the work force.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
