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In my warped way of thinking I think the person should meet the ex before the kids. If I dated a woman with a kid(s) I wouldn't meet the kids until there was a decision to be married and meet the father and check out the limitations and then take about a year to get to know the kids.
Kids and a baby daddy/momma can cause all kinds of mess in the life of another person stepping in to the mix. In a perfect world I would suggest wait on marriage until the last kid is 18. Then you will come in at the right time to help pay college cost.