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onihC, thanks for your perspective. My SO does seem unable to separate massages from arousal, though he does not necessarily expect sex (just really hopes for it... LOL). And I do not feel I represent a "married woman not wanting sex" as I very much enjoy that frequently with my spouse (I just sometimes want massages too).
Heeeya!
Hey, some men/women are like that, can’t separate sex from an activity, in this case, a massage. You sometimes rejecting sex and just wanting a massage shouldn’t be something bad. Seems something normal really.
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As a couple, our desire to make love is as strong as ever, though due to kids, busy schedules, etc. we may have less opportunities for it. We need to be a lot more proactive in making time for just the two of us. We now don't have the option to lay naked in bed all day Saturday like we did before kids. As the kids get older/more independent though we seem to be enjoying a resurgence in this area which has been very nice
Yeah, once married, there will be less opportunities, frequency, etc. and a couple might have to try being more proactive as you say. Where there’s a will, there’s a way, right?
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Agree.... As I've said, my spouse and I are very happy in this area.
When you reject sex when he massages you, does he take it just fine or does he get upset? I can imagine you tell him nicely.
Why can he just meet her need for comfort and stress relief without expecting something in return? Aren't her needs important? Why does his need for sex have to come first?
Give into him and this is where women begin to feel "walked on" in relationshps. He's supposed to be a healthy, mature well-adjusted adult man in love with his lady. He can delay his need for sex to nurture his woman in a way that SHE needs to be nurtured.
Married women not wanting sex once they are married isn’t necessarily an epidemic or something bad, it’s just something that is heard commonly. I don’t really sympathize with men when they complain sex has decreased once they got married, I mean, didn’t they know that normally happens?
Where is this common...I haven't heard it except from you.
I also don't know any females that have stopped having sex just because they got married (or that it has decreased, short of a medical issue).
Where is this common...I haven't heard it except from you.
I also don't know any females that have stopped having sex just because they got married (or that it has decreased, short of a medical issue).
I ask again, how often do you hear men complain because their wife wants sex? How often do you hear women complain that their husband wants sex? See what I mean.
Sometimes, after an exhausting day, I just want a really good massage that will lull me to peaceful sleep. My SO does give the best massages - they are so amazing. But about 15 minutes into it, he is ready to go. And, sometimes, I am so tired I just want to continue on to dreamland. Or, maybe the kids are in the next room and it is not the best time.
Is it just impossible for him to give me a good massage without getting aroused? He tells me he just can't help it because, although he starts with pure intentions, things just happen when he touches my body. I know it's a compliment and am happy with that. But it's not like he is being deprived in this area. If I want only the massage, should I just hire the professional massage therapist at the gym?
Yes it is possible to give great massages without wanting something more.
However, you both have to look at the big picture.
If that wanting something more is satisfied to his preferred quantity and quality, then it is reasonable for you to make it known to him you're putting priority to that which he wants, and then schedule to make both happen. Perhaps his way tonight, and your way tomorrow.
You mentioned that it bothers you "when the kids are next room." I suspect this is an issue that you both have to communicate to get clarification. Is there boundary issue between marriage couple with the kids? Do the kids know such boundaries? Do you defend and enforce your boundaries as a couple?
Professional massages are good, and not from the gym. There are good legit massage / spa chains. My wife and I went on the same day once. There are also couples massages in other spa. I send my wife to a massage/spa treatment for her birthdays.
I went on my last birthday, had a 90 minute sessions. I had a 6 foot tall guy and I definitely prefer a guy because he can put more pressure / deeper tissue massages. I've had female massage therapist before and they can't be consistent for more than 60 minute deep tissue massages. It cost about $70 + tip.
I give my wife a massage. On nights when there's more, then it's a sensual massage part of the fore. Some nights, just a quick oil-less rub and pressure point massage, and foam rollers.
Some times when she prefers the massage afterwards, then something happens first.
I ask again, how often do you hear men complain because their wife wants sex? How often do you hear women complain that their husband wants sex? See what I mean.
And what people are telling you is that you don't hear either that often, unless you're watching sitcoms. You don't seem to be providing any actual statistics, other that what you read online.
And what people are telling you is that you don't hear either that often, unless you're watching sitcoms. You don't seem to be providing any actual statistics, other that what you read online.
These kind of topics come out quite often around here in the forum. There are some articles online that women have used with these topics. There are other articles as well that don't support their articles.
Again, do you hear men complain because their wife wants sex just like you hear the other way around?
Well, I'm a man and the whole stuff about him saying "I can't control myself" is the biggest load of crap I've seen since I've been to the fairgrounds looking at the prize heifers. Really, that just gives men a bad image as sex-crazed fiends who can't control themselves.
Of course, a wife, or husband for that matter, should be able to get a nice rubdown without it turning into bedroom acrobatics.
To OP: Next time you ask for a therapeutic massage ONLY and his hands start roaming over the "good" parts, immediately ask him to cease and send him to the computer. If he's really that horny, he can find some good internet porn and give himself a very nice massage with happy ending.
Why can he just meet her need for comfort and stress relief without expecting something in return? Aren't her needs important? Why does his need for sex have to come first?
Give into him and this is where women begin to feel "walked on" in relationshps. He's supposed to be a healthy, mature well-adjusted adult man in love with his lady. He can delay his need for sex to nurture his woman in a way that SHE needs to be nurtured.
Well, it was kinda a joke, and kinda a solution. Both parties getting their needs met is a good thing, right?!
You do realize you could reverse the whole thing you wrote from her SOs perspective too?
Both the OP and the spouse sound like reasonable and caring people. I'm confident they will work it out.
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He's supposed to be a healthy, mature well-adjusted adult man in love with his lady. He can delay his need for sex to nurture his woman in a way that SHE needs to be nurtured.
