Is it possible for my man to just give me a great massage without wanting something more? (loving, gay)
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What is it with women and massages? And to be fair, what is it with men giving women massages and not being prepared for them to get hooked? The only time I give my gf the kind of massage she likes is when I'm getting the kind of massage I like! That's the spirit of love, dammit; an eye for an eye!
Sometimes, after an exhausting day, I just want a really good massage that will lull me to peaceful sleep. My SO does give the best massages - they are so amazing. But about 15 minutes into it, he is ready to go. And, sometimes, I am so tired I just want to continue on to dreamland. Or, maybe the kids are in the next room and it is not the best time.
Is it just impossible for him to give me a good massage without getting aroused? He tells me he just can't help it because, although he starts with pure intentions, things just happen when he touches my body. I know it's a compliment and am happy with that. But it's not like he is being deprived in this area. If I want only the massage, should I just hire the professional massage therapist at the gym?
I'm sure there is a masseuse where you live. Pay one. problem solved.
Yes it is possible to give great massages without wanting something more.
However, you both have to look at the big picture.
If that wanting something more is satisfied to his preferred quantity and quality, then it is reasonable for you to make it known to him you're putting priority to that which he wants, and then schedule to make both happen. Perhaps his way tonight, and your way tomorrow.
You mentioned that it bothers you "when the kids are next room." I suspect this is an issue that you both have to communicate to get clarification. Is there boundary issue between marriage couple with the kids? Do the kids know such boundaries? Do you defend and enforce your boundaries as a couple?
Professional massages are good, and not from the gym. There are good legit massage / spa chains. My wife and I went on the same day once. There are also couples massages in other spa. I send my wife to a massage/spa treatment for her birthdays.
I went on my last birthday, had a 90 minute sessions. I had a 6 foot tall guy and I definitely prefer a guy because he can put more pressure / deeper tissue massages. I've had female massage therapist before and they can't be consistent for more than 60 minute deep tissue massages. It cost about $70 + tip.
I give my wife a massage. On nights when there's more, then it's a sensual massage part of the fore. Some nights, just a quick oil-less rub and pressure point massage, and foam rollers.
Some times when she prefers the massage afterwards, then something happens first.
Great post... Made me think about a few things. With young kids, I do think we need be stricter on our boundaries as a couple. That is something we can improve upon.
I have had some great professional massages. I go to massage studios/spas with friends/sister and love it. My hubby has also given me massage studio/spa gift certificates (perhaps that was a hint? LOL).
We've even had a couples massage at a high-end spa resort. We had 2 older ladies work on us. But even then he wasn't too relaxed with the experience because he kept talking/joking and I kept telling him to be quiet and relax. He joked that he felt like he was putting his head in a toilet seat - He was such a dork about the whole experience! I don't know why he can not just completely relax when he receives (or gives) massages?
Without a doubt, he would be very uncomfortable getting a professional massage from a guy. I doubt he could do it. I don't know why as it is a professional, therapeutic activity. And I agree with you that a strong guy can really work the deeper tissues. This is why I like my guy to give me massages - He is very strong and athletic and has good hands. He just seems to be unable to keep it professional. What you have with your wife (ability to give no-strings massages) is what I am hoping for!
Sometimes, after an exhausting day, I just want a really good massage that will lull me to peaceful sleep. My SO does give the best massages - they are so amazing. But about 15 minutes into it, he is ready to go. And, sometimes, I am so tired I just want to continue on to dreamland. Or, maybe the kids are in the next room and it is not the best time.
Is it just impossible for him to give me a good massage without getting aroused? He tells me he just can't help it because, although he starts with pure intentions, things just happen when he touches my body. I know it's a compliment and am happy with that. But it's not like he is being deprived in this area. If I want only the massage, should I just hire the professional massage therapist at the gym?
Why don't you ask him why he cannot manage to give you just a massage? Seems to me he would be the best one to answer your question.
Why don't you ask him why he cannot manage to give you just a massage? Seems to me he would be the best one to answer your question.
I have... He says he can not help but get aroused when rubbing my body. He starts by trying to give me a serious massage. He's got all the body oils lined up and special foot massage creams, back rollers, etc. He is very sweet and tells me to just relax and he'll take care of me. And right when I am in the most peaceful, ultra relaxed state - BAM - there is an elephant in the room, so to speak.
Great post... Made me think about a few things. With young kids, I do think we need be stricter on our boundaries as a couple. That is something we can improve upon.
I have had some great professional massages. I go to massage studios/spas with friends/sister and love it. My hubby has also given me massage studio/spa gift certificates (perhaps that was a hint? LOL).
We've even had a couples massage at a high-end spa resort. We had 2 older ladies work on us. But even then he wasn't too relaxed with the experience because he kept talking/joking and I kept telling him to be quiet and relax. He joked that he felt like he was putting his head in a toilet seat - He was such a dork about the whole experience! I don't know why he can not just completely relax when he receives (or gives) massages?
Without a doubt, he would be very uncomfortable getting a professional massage from a guy. I doubt he could do it. I don't know why as it is a professional, therapeutic activity. And I agree with you that a strong guy can really work the deeper tissues. This is why I like my guy to give me massages - He is very strong and athletic and has good hands. He just seems to be unable to keep it professional. What you have with your wife (ability to give no-strings massages) is what I am hoping for!
It took a while before I can give my wife good professional-level massage without leading to happy endings. It is a learned skill together. It's a mixture of fun, and time, concept of giving affection without leading to sex.
And frankly, it is a natural part of being male. Seeing and physical touch can trigger testosterone rather fast. Heck, any healthy male can have involuntary erection without actively engaging in erotic thoughts. I think you should be flattered that your man an engage you in that activity with positive reactions.
One other thought. I will take a food analogy. If I am satiated, then I won't necessarily crave to have food right there and then when it is within reach.
I am also capable of fasting, and this fasting can be overcome when I believe that I will have food after a certain known time in the future.
Let's say do it on ___, then a free massage on ____, and then a happy ending massage on ___. It could even be as often as a 3 day schedule.
I have... He says he can not help but get aroused when rubbing my body. He starts by trying to give me a serious massage. He's got all the body oils lined up and special foot massage creams, back rollers, etc. He is very sweet and tells me to just relax and he'll take care of me. And right when I am in the most peaceful, ultra relaxed state - BAM - there is an elephant in the room, so to speak.
From my experience, only certain body parts that I am massaging starts the triggers. So it's not a full body massage, just legs, calves, farms, neck, and t-shirted upper body. Foot massage?!--she needs to pay me, or I'm particularly dorky at the time, lol.
How much enthusiasm would he have giving you a massage if it was a happy beginning instead?
Speaking of which, my massage schedules are T, TH, and Sat--all happy endings, haha.
I have... He says he can not help but get aroused when rubbing my body. He starts by trying to give me a serious massage. He's got all the body oils lined up and special foot massage creams, back rollers, etc. He is very sweet and tells me to just relax and he'll take care of me. And right when I am in the most peaceful, ultra relaxed state - BAM - there is an elephant in the room, so to speak.
All I can tell you is to deal with it or go to a professional.
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