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Arghh....just want I didn't want to hear, but thanks. The truth hurts sometimes but is needed. I have a "friend" that is still married, but supposedly separated and, as you mentioned said both "something about the wife...not being intimate at all [that they haven't been together for 3-5 years]... they are only staying married for the kids". We have been casual friends for a long time, and last week we crossed the line...no intercourse, just making out and cuddling because thank God I resisted, but I've been thikning about him all week. You statement made me stop and try to put everything still in check. I can't believe I even thought of being with a married man, but he's very convincing...arghh.....
My "guess" is that you both "crossed the line" way before making out - these things never "just happen" there is an entire series of choices that lead up to that ultimate "thing" that we label as the "cheating" or whatever. I am a person without judgment - the day I am able to cast a stone - look for me to be able to ascend into the heavens (in other words - "ain't never gonna happen")!
Don't mistake what I said for judgment of you or anyone else. I simply hold myself to the raw "truth" (as I understand it, as I evolve) and feel like one of the best gifts I can give to others is to speak my raw truth to them... much of which is based upon a lifetime of hardknocks learning.
My greatest concern would be that you would think so little of yourself that you would accept less than what you were divinely created to receive. He is someone else's husband & if he thinks so little of this mother of his children to speak this way about her behind her back - how will he ever be able to be the man you were created to be united with? Do you truly want a man who conducts himself in this way? Because what happens when things are exactly peachy between the two of you? Who does he go to then & what does he say about you behind your back?
There are so few times that a situation like this ever works out - I believe partly because if a person is truly honourable & if their relationship no longer works for them & they no longer are willing to nurture it - they will do the hard work to end it as healthfully as possible & then commense to finding a new mate - anything else is dishonouring of all parties involved.
Forget what he says... obviously they are convincing or they wouldn't get what they are after, right? Pehaps he's really good because he's had ample opportunity to perfect his game... regardless - YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOU... don't wait for him to decide what he does or does not want (which is what we women FAR TOO OFTEN DO) - you decide what your own bottom line is - I'd rather you decide what your highest good is & settle for nothing less... but change must start somewhere.
If you choose to keep moving forward with him - walk into it with your eyes wide open & know that the energy you put out into the universe by doing so will inevitably come back to you in one way or another. When the day comes that it's all over - remember that you knew that day would come - remember that you chose that path - don't blame him / don't blame her / don't blame anyone but look in the mirror & remember that you created your own truth & only you can change it going forward... look back at the lessons you've learned (for just a moment), take a deep breath, perhaps feel bad for your silliness for a good 5 minutes, then brush yourself off & move forward a wiser woman more ready to receive true love & beauty in your life & give it in return...
Lastly... pretty lies & 1/2 truths are only easier to hear in the short term... I guarantee you that the truth will always be what sets you free - heart, mind, & spirit!!!
Peace & Blessings... that's my 53 cents for the day... the thinky think.r
Okay. I'm 34, newly single. Been with two guys in the last 16 years. Never marriet yet. Went out on a date with this really nice guy and he's called and texted me since and wants to take me to Frightmares at the amusement park when it comes. How do you know if a guy wants a relationship or sex? That night he complimented me a lot. He said I was cute, liked my hair and my outfit and my shoes and my eyes. I asked him and he said he wants to get to know me, but who knows. Thanks for your response.
Will this amusement park have a tunnel of love? A rhetorical question, but my point is that the best move for a guy who's trying to get laid is to put you in a position, so to speak, where it's easy for you to say, "Yes". If you find that all of your dates end up with you and him at his apartment with nothing between you but a bottle of wine then it is safe to assume that this guy wants to get, what is it the kids say? "Busy!" But I don't mean to suggest that is always a bad thing. Maybe you'll find if you do say yes that you were glad you did. Maybe you'll find out you really like this guy, and just because the first time comes early doesn't always mean it will be a short relationship. I would think that even in Utah alotta guys have evolved to the point that they won't hold that against a girl. I would only hope that if you didn't want to go to bed with this guy, that you wouldn't. Don't ever let any man coerce you into sex, and the first time some coward puts his hands on you in any non-amorous way, break free of his clammy grasp, get the hell outta there, and never give him the time of day again. Best wishes.
Most men want sex. The ones who really try to avoid sex usually don't have the ability to have sex. Or the interest. There are some who just want companionship.
If he is nice, I vote give him a chance.
A male friend once told me the 'other side' of this situation. He had been with a woman who wasn't interested in sex for a long time. He vowed never to get into another relationship like that. He needed and wanted a sex life. He said that made him try to perhaps have sex too soon. That was his acid test. The woman had to want him. I can see both sides of this one.
I am sorry I thought they ALL did and I thought Dr Phil or someone said men think about it every 30 seconds. If this is true how do they think of anything else or do they?
Not in my experience. I am a man and gay and not a greedy horny pig; however, I know what you mean.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saberai
In the back of every guy's mind (whether gay or straight), they want sex no matter what.
But that doesn't mean you have to give it to them though.
I think that's the reason why they think about it, you're not going to sleep with them right off the bat. The same reason straight men look at our booties; they know they won't have it.
I have a "friend" that is still married, but supposedly separated and, as you mentioned said both "something about the wife...not being intimate at all [that they haven't been together for 3-5 years]... they are only staying married for the kids". We have been casual friends for a long time, and last week we crossed the line...no intercourse, just making out and cuddling because thank God I resisted, but I've been thikning about him all week. You statement made me stop and try to put everything still in check. I can't believe I even thought of being with a married man, but he's very convincing...arghh.....
kili, as a woman married I appreciate you restrained. I have been cheated on sssooooooooooo many times and it hurts. Married 2x's both men did it. Old Boys friends in simmited relationships too. Lucky I guess. Men tell any story to get what they. She knew about me but he told her we were just friends. those we were having sex nightly. HHMMMM. I think women need to stick together and I would insist on proof of paperwork even if it is just s separation order. just my opininion.
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