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I only had 1 past relationship in my life & he never cheated on me...as far as I know. We mutually broke up. It's hard for me to trust people as it is, so I personally could NOT forgive a cheater & give the person another chance. Or even if I was able to forgive, his chance to be with me again would still be over because I couldn't have a happy life w/ a cheater. I'd never get the fact that he cheated out of my mind & I'd alwas be wondering where he is, what he's doing if he wasn't with me & if he's lying about where he says he was, etc. & that's no way to live. I'd be miserable & drive myself crazy. Life's way too short to live that way! I'd rather stay alone & I'd be happier.
I was reading the current threads on cheating and wondered if anyone has been cheated on and forgiven the cheater. How did the relationship go thereafter?
I was speaking to a guy who was a gem to his girlfriend, they have a good relationship with no significant issues, yet she cheated on him with an abusive ex she broke up with six months prior -- and did it on current BF's birthday!
She was going through a deeply emotional experience and felt current BF was not being attentive enough. She was also probably motivated by old feelings that stirred when her ex joined facebook and he was getting female comments, some of which she perceived as critical of her.
So... are there "survivors" among you who were cheated on and kept their relationships intact?
I never did because there was more to it than most. I beat the guy she cheated on me with up in the 9th grade. Fast forward eight years and it was payback time. I just let him have her. He was shocked how I handled it. I think he thought I was going to do it again and was scared out of his mind. No man, I was 15. You're a sack of poop and neither one of ya is worth the effort now.
i have but it does not work. its an ingrained habit. either that or u actually expected them, when u married them, to be celibate for life, and forgot to tell them. actually this happens more than u think but they dont admit it to themselves.
i have but it does not work. its an ingrained habit. either that or u actually expected them, when u married them, to be celibate for life, and forgot to tell them. actually this happens more than u think but they dont admit it to themselves.
It's never a good plan to date a woman who's ex was the guy you beat up when you were a kid either. He has all the more reason to be a passive aggressive wimp and seek revenge in some way or form. Get me back like that, it's the only way you are going to get me pal!
We divorced. I wasn't sure cheating was the cause of the breakup, but I suspected. He never admitted to it, naturally, but in my mind I knew.
Three years later, it was "baby, baby, I was wrong to let you go" - still with no mention of the previous GF. I forgave, forgot, and moved into the new phase, determined in my own mind that it was a one time fluke and somehow my fault, and made the decision to go forward with no hard feelings and no regrets, and with new inspiration to be the best GF/second time wife ever.
Two months later I was DONE. Anyone want to guess why?
Like a lot of people posting to this thread, I've forgiven a cheater, but I didn't continue the relationship. Circumstances were such that the internal issue that caused him to cheat — something that had nothing to do with my shortcomings or flaws in our relationship — would have always existed until he went through intensive counseling and cultivated self-esteem.
Today, we're friends, and he's made it a point to tell me that I did nothing wrong, and there was nothing between us that was wrong, either. He took full responsibility. It was a sad situation all around, because I know that in his own way, he really did love me. But I don't see him changing for a long, long time ...
Like a lot of people posting to this thread, I've forgiven a cheater, but I didn't continue the relationship. Circumstances were such that the internal issue that caused him to cheat — something that had nothing to do with my shortcomings or flaws in our relationship — would have always existed until he went through intensive counseling and cultivated self-esteem.
Today, we're friends, and he's made it a point to tell me that I did nothing wrong, and there was nothing between us that was wrong, either. He took full responsibility. It was a sad situation all around, because I know that in his own way, he really did love me. But I don't see him changing for a long, long time ...
This is a good post. It reminds us there are a variety of issues that may be the root cause of cheating. Bad/no sex with partner, personal self-esteem of cheater, becoming disarmed when under the influence, sexual addiction, revenge cheating, etc. Some of those may or may not be a factor in the relationship with the person who is betrayed. So, our responses to this behavior may be different. I, however, see any form of cheating as a breach I can forgive with understanding, but my trust would be gone. And I'd need to move on.
No, it's happened to me and I tried to forgive but couldn't. When I didn't move on and reestablish our relationship soon enough for my ex, he became mean and controlling. I felt miserable. I was only able to forgive him from afar, after breaking off all contact and I have no intention of ever seeing or talking to him again. It's the only way I can keep from harboring hate in my heart for him. That said, I know a couple of people who've forgiven cheating partners and they've seemed to work it out.
Last edited by Snd485; 03-19-2012 at 08:09 AM..
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Fast forward eight years and it was payback time. I just let him have her. He was shocked how I handled it. I think he thought I was going to do it again and was scared out of his mind.
No man, I was 15. You're a sack of poop and neither one of ya is worth the effort now.
