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Just text back and say, "Thank you. I am truly flattered. I didn't know you feel that way. But unfortunately, I cannot reciprocate your feelings at the moment. I have grown to like you tremendously as a friend, and I wish we can stay friends for a long long time."
Threw in the "at the moment" bit because you said that her weight is the only issue that you cannot overlook. Who knows, maybe she will be fit one day and you might be open to dating her then.
Oh I forgot...I rejected the woman..I see her and she always has this nasty look now...of resentment....I keep the conversation light...it's more about pride..."what....I am not good enough?"----not about good enough...it is about what is right...some are not right for you..Just tell the person that it would not be the right thing to do...they MIGHT understand.
Why didn't you just remind her that you are married?
Tell her you are gay-ish or that you fancy a woman that you used to work with or knew and still hold a flame for her........she will understand and think it is romantic. Then she will slap your head off your shoulders.
Thank you everyone for the responses. It is universally agreed not to mention anything about her weight being a factor, so I won't tell her that. I have decided that I am going to talk to her in person; I think it's the right thing to do.
As I said, this is so difficult for me because I have never done this before. Most times I am the one making the first move on a woman, not the other way around. In a way, I admire her boldness; I don't know many women who would straight up cold tell a guy that she likes him.
And yes, I would love to keep being her friend. She's fun to hang out with! And I don't want to leave her hanging by saying that I am not interested in dating right now; she shouldn't be waiting and she deserves to be with someone else if they show interest in her.
Pessimism abounds. How about not taking down a very nice guy concerned with someone else's feelings with your own baggage?
OP, you sound like a special guy. Trust me, nice and sensitive guys do NOT finish last. You said you are already friends and she texted that she likes you. So the best way to remain friends is to text back that you really value her friendship and like her, too.
Has nothing to do with my 'own baggage' I just don't beleive a big stink has to be made about telling someone you're not attracted to them and/or you're not interested in dating them. How hard is that? I guess I'm supposed to be insulted by you calling me a pessimist, fortunately for me I don't care.
Last edited by Doll Eyes; 04-02-2012 at 10:25 AM..
Above all, be kind. That doesn't mean you have to be dishonest.
Simply say, "Mary, we've always been great friends, but you need to understand that I do not think of you in that way. I'm so sorry. You are amazing in so many ways and I am sure there's someone equally amazing in your future. I'm sorry that person isn't me."
That should be it. And while you should be nice to her, you should probably leave her be as well. Because there's nothing worse that being in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate, but won't leave you alone, either.
Just text back and say, "Thank you. I am truly flattered. I didn't know you feel that way. But unfortunately, I cannot reciprocate your feelings at the moment. I have grown to like you tremendously as a friend, and I wish we can stay friends for a long long time."
Threw in the "at the moment" bit because you said that her weight is the only issue that you cannot overlook. Who knows, maybe she will be fit one day and you might be open to dating her then.
I would never say "at the moment". Another poster said something similar. This gives false hopes. If she is that overweight and doesn't seem to take going to the gym seriously then who knows if she will actually become fit that would attract the OP. Not to mention it takes a really long time to build that kind of body.
OP, we're all entitled to like who we like. I probably wouldn't even know how to respond to her without hurting feelings and being genuinely honest. How does one respond, reject and still maintain a friendship?
Above all, be kind. That doesn't mean you have to be dishonest.
Simply say, "Mary, we've always been great friends, but you need to understand that I do not think of you in that way. I'm so sorry. You are amazing in so many ways and I am sure there's someone equally amazing in your future. I'm sorry that person isn't me."
That should be it. And while you should be nice to her, you should probably leave her be as well. Because there's nothing worse that being in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate, but won't leave you alone, either.
I hope the conversation goes well. You shouldn't feel bad at all. If you aren't attracted to someone, then you aren't. I've rejected wonderful guys because I wasn't attracted to them. Attraction is important. I hope you two are able to stay friends.
Has nothing to do with my 'own baggage' I just don't beleive a big stink has to be made about telling someone you're not attracted to them and/or you're not interested in dating them. How hard is that? I guess I'm supposed to be insulted by you calling me a pessimist, fortunately for me I don't care.
The reason I made this thread is because I have never had to turn down anyone before; usually I am the one to make the first move and therefore am more accustomed to receiving an acceptance or rejection rather than giving them out. I find it almost condescending that you would think I made this thread just to make a joke out of her being heavy. Why would I make fun of someone who is heavy when I myself used to be too? I'm athletic and in shape now, but I haven't forgotten what I used to be and what it was like.
The rejection is made even harder by the fact that it is entirely weighted on a physicality issue. It would be much easier to reject a girl if they were mean, ditzy or partied way too much, but she is and does neither.
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I didn't know you feel that way. But unfortunately, I cannot reciprocate your feelings at the moment. I have grown to like you tremendously as a friend, and I wish we can stay friends for a long long time." 
