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Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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{disclaimer-I am in no way bashing men...we all know there are happy, good, hard working men out there....so the following post in no way addresses "all" men.}
My thread is inspired by the recent discussions of women who have men not contributing to their relationships emotionally and financially. Are the days sort of clicking by...all the same? Are your men not making the most of this short life?
In my forty-five years, I only know four great marriages. What all four have in common is that the couples have set goals, adhere to them, and don't let any outside influences block their way to achieving them.
1. My parents. My parent's love and goals are anchored hard-work and sweat, followed by immense satisfaction/appreciation in their hard work. Together they turned a neglected homestead into a perfect home & hobby farm. They worked everyday, side by side. My dad was a police officer and my mother was a stay at home wife and mother. They were a team to be reckoned with and they didn't let anyone or any drama stand in their way. Later they did the same thing with an abandoned hunting cabin; turned it into a beautiful retirement home. I'm not talking about a lot of money here. Again, they had goals and they stuck to them. They had foresight into the future and key-stoned all their goals back from their goaled outcome.
2. My best-friend's brother and his wife. Parents of four young children. Again, hard working man and stay at home wife and mother. This man would move mountains for his family, as hard working as he is, he is the most hands on father I have every seen. He and his wife are calm and sweat absolutely nothing. Again. Not rich; they see the resources in each other. Like my parents, they too built their home from the ground up and only as they could afford it.
3. My best-friend and her man. Talk about joy. They mix it up everyday. Nothing sets them back emotionally. Again, we are not talking about rich people. They take what they have and absolutely make the best of it. They turn coal into diamonds everyday in their emotional investment in each other. This couple acts like they are the last two people on the planet and I get pleasure in witnessing them, hearing about their love, right down to a little antidote one gifts the other.
4. My elderly landlord and his wife. You can tell a lot about a man by the woman who loves him. I truly believe their love is a fountain of youth. They are in their 90's, early risers, they still cut their own grass. Again, 70 years of beautiful marriage with the same goal and daily work that they can admire at the end of each day, together.
Sure do- I spoke to 3 people yesterday who had major problems and some nasty custody battles. I used to visit a divorce forum- if you google it you will see and read alot- after last year I couldnt take the stories- something is definitely wrong in our society today.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,536,860 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mjb68
What a wonderful post MainStreet - thanks for sharing!!
You're very welcome. After I wrote this, I called my mother and told her what I felt about them and their successes. My dad has had cancer for 15 years and my mother has suffered debilitating depression for many years (it took years to find the right medication combination) but they fought it....together. She brought up a good point when I told her about my thread. She said that the one thing that she and my dad tried NOT to do was impress anyone. They built these incredible, quality lives for themselves without any thought of how other's would perceive them. A true team...she even admits they didn't let their children interfere. Which is true, my sister and I had a incredible freedoms, but only after incredibly difficult chores everyday. Blessed childhoods, that only after I was an intuitive adult did I realize that my sister and I were neglected emotionally because my parents were so into each other. I still would not have changed a thing. I laugh and consider myself blessed to witness a marriage that I can only describe as if Elvis married Jackie Onassis.
I do believe that couples can have it all. They just have to open their eyes. Something has happened to men over the generations. There is some sort of entitlement they wear like an iron coat, but don't work hard enough to keep the weight of that coat from swallowing them into the ground. There is an element of selfishness that has come with all this technology. They want it all, but then after they have it, there is no investment or appreciation in what they have, they want more more more, at the expense of simple happiness.
Your biggest fan should be your partner/spouse, and you theirs. All relationships should be private celebrations.
I do believe that couples can have it all. They just have to open their eyes. Something has happened to men over the generations. There is some sort of entitlement they wear like an iron coat, but don't work hard enough to keep the weight of that coat from swallowing them into the ground. There is an element of selfishness that has come with all this technology. They want it all, but then after they have it, there is no investment or appreciation in what they have, they want more more more, at the expense of simple happiness.
Your biggest fan should be your partner/spouse, and you theirs. All relationships should be private celebrations.
I agree with you in this - but differ in that I don't believe that it's just men - I think it is men and women. It's our generation and our kids that have become so selfish and lack a true work ethic and commitment.
I too, was very fortunate to have parents that stayed together, worked together and loved each other, through all of their rough spots for 52 years. I can only hope to emulate them (minus a few of their arguments).
My DH and I have been married for 14 yrs - it's probably the hardest thing that either of us have ever commited to. But it is also the best. At times it is a very conscious decision to make it better, to work together and get through the rocky patches. I consider myself one of the few - in my circle, it's only us and one other couple that has this level of commitment to each other - you just don't find it anymore.
{disclaimer-I am in no way bashing men...we all know there are happy, good, hard working men out there....so the following post in no way addresses "all" men.}
My thread is inspired by the recent discussions of women who have men not contributing to their relationships emotionally and financially. Are the days sort of clicking by...all the same? Are your men not making the most of this short life?
In my forty-five years, I only know four great marriages. What all four have in common is that the couples have set goals, adhere to them, and don't let any outside influences block their way to achieving them.
I believe there's as many women responsible for failed marriages as the men. I just believe people don't take the commitment of marriage nearly as serious as they should from the very beginning. It's kinda like life in general... I don't think we often show our fellow man the respect and compassion we should. If we can't do that for somebody we meet on the street or the neighbor down the road, then are we going to do it for our spouses that we begin to take for granted shortly after "I do".
The marriages (very few) that I know of that are what I consider solid and healthy include two people that are sensitive to each other's needs, wants, and desires. Life is not a competition between the two of them. They're not jealous of each other in any way. They want what is best for the other one. They respect each other and they are able to talk about what that means.... not just with a counselor before they're married.... but on a daily/weekly/ongoing basis throughout their marriage.
Well, right under my nose is my desk full of bills and post-its to myself. Some tape. Some information on astronomy groups, a catalog of lingerie. So...I don't think so. I think people have cute sayings for things, but they don't mean a lot. There is no man sitting under my nose. And frankly, I haven't been looking. I am not one for dating groups, etc.
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