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My friend likes to take women out on first dates and gets them really comfortable (he's good at that) and then when they are at a high moment of comfort on the date and not suspecting, he asks these apparently hard questions (questions which he refuses to disclose to me so I can't tell you what they are) and he says almost all women without fail screw them up then he doesn't go out with them again.
Another guy who is a Christian only will date Non-christian women (he refuses to date christian women) so he can tisk tisk at them all day long and try to save them.
I'll post more when I get a chance.
They both sound like morons. Get some better friends.
My friend likes to take women out on first dates and gets them really comfortable (he's good at that) and then when they are at a high moment of comfort on the date and not suspecting, he asks these apparently hard questions (questions which he refuses to disclose to me so I can't tell you what they are) and he says almost all women without fail screw them up then he doesn't go out with them again.
Another guy who is a Christian only will date Non-christian women (he refuses to date christian women) so he can tisk tisk at them all day long and try to save them.
To be clear, this question is not to debate whether or not it's good or right for you to test someone, the question is to explore how you'd feel when you are being tested by your potential partner.
I'd feel wonderful. It means my potential partner has at least half a brain and is goal oriented.
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Originally Posted by ChessieMom
The only place I have heard of it is here on this forum. I've never known anyone that did it, and I wouldn't do something so silly.
You know someone now. You're a fool not to do so. Had employed testing, I could have avoided my first marriage, which was a mistake.
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Originally Posted by moonsavvy
Im interested to see what kind of tests you are referring to. Someone who plays with your mind and tries to trap you into a corner is a master manipulator. I've encountered a few of them and would never intentionally enter into a relationship with them.
Maybe they are a master manipulator, maybe they aren't. They could be just sick in the head.
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Originally Posted by moonsavvy
One Potential romantic interest said that they thought I was possessive because I mentioned something about "my" ex husband. He pointed out that I used "my" the word numerous times in an attempt to still control. Maybe he was right but it did not go over well. I don't think it's a bad thing to preface someone or something as mine. This guy was a free thinker from Santa Cruz who I thought would get along great. Boy was I wrong!
Perhaps. I was not a party to your conversation with Free Thinker, but instead of an attempt "to still control" it could be that you are not over the relationship yet, meaning you are still grieving, or you are still holding out hope, or you are still romantically attached, or you have other issues, like anger issues.
You also flashed a huge friggin' neon-light and hired the Goodyear Blimp to advertise to Free Thinker (and the entire World) that you intend to compare Free Thinker to your "EX."
The bottom line is this: All of those things are bad, and you were not (are not) ready for a relationship.
Free Thinker could see that. If it had been me, I would let a reference to your "EX" slip just once...the second reference would grab my attention......the third reference would have me excusing myself from your company and leaving.
Like Free Thinker, I have no intention of constantly being compared to a standard that I have no knowledge of, and also it is a clear indicator that you have no interest in a relationship.
Why? Because your interest is in finding a substitute for your "EX."
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Originally Posted by moonsavvy
My ex would trap me into conversations all the time. I constantly had to mentally think about how I was going to say before I said it. He would turn the most innocent remarks around on me. Talk about a walking on egg shells.
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Originally Posted by bignutz
Read the articles on these links for some answers. But if you are being "tested", you are supposed to pass, or better put, handle the challenge well and show it doesn't bug you.
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Originally Posted by srjth
Going with the flow and seeing if you connect and have fun together is different than deliberately putting someone under the microscope to test them.
Apparently, none of you are able to distinguish being "tested" from being "baited."
You will know when you are being tested, because there is always a correct answer.
And you will know when you are being baited, because there is never a correct answer; any answer that you could ever possibly give will be wrong. Why? Well, gosh, that's the whole purpose of baiting.
I would always test women. I'll ask, "How many children do you want?" There is a correct answer (any number greater than or equal to 5). Now I have formal and informal education, class-room training and job experience in interrogating and questioning people, so I can ask the same question a dozen or more different ways without someone realizing I just asked them the same question 12 times in a row. Often there is no need to ask a question. I can toss out a seemingly innocent remark designed to elicit a response to get the information that I am seeking.
I'm more direct with questions related to sex. I already know what I'm going to get when I climb into bed. There are about a half dozen critical test questions that I'll ask related life goals, career goals, financial goals etc and the reason is that their goals must be compatible with mine in some way.
Now, questions like "Would you love me more if I had blonde hair? and any other questions along those or similar lines are baiting questions. Any answer you give is wrong. Their purpose is to create conflict and nothing more. Those people have serious emotional problems and require intense psycho-therapy.
I also highly recommend the "Drunk Test." Drunk people will reveal to you their true selves. If you want to see what someone is really like underneath all of the walls and camouflage and masks and costumes, get them rip-roaring-tee-totaling drunk.
And then observe them and interrogate them. What you will be witnessing and hearing is their true self. They cannot help it, because they are uninhibited by the alcohol. If your girl gets drunk and hangs all over other guys, then that is who she really is. She just hides it really, really well from you and everyone else, but you know now what she'll be doing when you ain't around. If your man is violent or angry when he is drunk, that is how he really is, and that is a huge danger sign indicating the potential for domestic violence. However, the opposite does not indicate the absence of potential violence. When you see someone crying and remorseful and apologetic, it's because they truly are wimpy and weak, they just hide it by bullying others.
These things....
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Just how do women test? Here are a few examples:
Canceling or changing plans at the last minute.
Not returning phone calls (even though she's interested in you).
Finding fault with your clothes, hair, car, etc. and pressuring you to change them.
Pouting when you want to spend time with your buddies.
Acting bratty, bitchy, demanding, dramatic, picky, or manipulative to see if you will put with it.
Testing to see how nice you are (will you back down or change your behavior to suit her?).
Blatantly flirting with other men in front of you.
Accusing you of doing things you didn't do.
Threatening to leave or end the relationship if she doesn't get her way.
Withholding sex and making you beg for it.
...have absolutely nothing to do with testing. Everyone one of those is an indicator of mental or emotional problems of varying degrees of severity. Generally, they also indicate extreme immaturity with respect to relationships, emotions, and self-esteem.
This week's Q&A focuses on how to pass women's tests,...
....is for freaking losers. If thinking about divorce court, paying for lawyers, alimony and child support gives you a fatty, then by all means, enjoy.
Testing...
Mircea
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Originally Posted by yellowsnow
Isn't that what dating is? A big test to see if you are "the one"?
Yes, but they don't really understand the concept of dating. I had a date go totally ballistic on a waitress one evening. I was so embarrassed and felt really sorry for the waitress. I didn't go out with her ever again.
I also highly recommend the "Drunk Test." Drunk people will reveal to you their true selves. If you want to see what someone is really like underneath all of the walls and camouflage and masks and costumes, get them rip-roaring-tee-totaling drunk.
Dude, it's hard to take you seriously when your rant sounds like your drinking and blogging.
Also, I don't think interrogating your potential romantic interest is the kind of testing we were talking about, but okay I get you have a different approach to dating. Would be interesting to hear dating tips from you that are something other than raw opinion.
My friend likes to take women out on first dates and gets them really comfortable (he's good at that) and then when they are at a high moment of comfort on the date and not suspecting, he asks these apparently hard questions (questions which he refuses to disclose to me so I can't tell you what they are) and he says almost all women without fail screw them up then he doesn't go out with them again.
Another guy who is a Christian only will date Non-christian women (he refuses to date christian women) so he can tisk tisk at them all day long and try to save them.
I'll post more when I get a chance.
So does your Christian friend not plan on getting getting into a relationship? Or does he want to get into a relationship with a non-Christian only, who he then converts?
We've all heard of this or some of us have done it ourselves. Testing a potential mate for romantic compatibility, etc. Maybe the testing is like a screening before letting someone in. Whatever the reason that you test people, what I'm wondering is if you like to be tested yourself? How do you feel about being tested yourself, especially if you don't know that you are being tested?
Oh, I suppose we all have our own little tricks. Mine was the Waiter Test (This is where Sierra rolls her eyes having read this a few dozen times). It's pretty simple:
Relatively early on in the relationship, go to a nice restaurant with someone, whether it's a romantic interest, a prospective piece of business, or anybody else with whom you'll likely have a long-term bond.
Now watch how that person treats the waiter. Because in six months, that's how that person will be treating you.
Beyond that, however, I think you quickly get into the realm of manipulative behavior.
Perhaps. I was not a party to your conversation with Free Thinker, but instead of an attempt "to still control" it could be that you are not over the relationship yet, meaning you are still grieving, or you are still holding out hope, or you are still romantically attached, or you have other issues,
You will know when you are being tested, because there is always a correct answer.
And you will know when you are being baited, because there is never a correct answer; any answer that you could ever possibly give will be wrong. Why? Well, gosh, that's the whole purpose
Mircea
Actually you weren't too far off with my encounter with free thinker. That was about 4-5 years ago and my marriage was ending. He was helping me get over my ex...he knew it. That encounter served it's purpose. He knew I needed a distraction and someone to talk to and he was able to provide that. I don't think he ever saw a future with us just a here and now thing. He was actually quite enlightening now that I think about it. We were never physical either, he was more or less an emotional shoulder. I had a couple of those friends at the time, all of them knew I was not ready for a relationship.
Now I am in a very satisfying relationship, so it all worked out in the end.
I also appreciated your comment on baiting, that was insightful. Thanks!
Relatively early on in the relationship, go to a nice restaurant with someone, whether it's a romantic interest, a prospective piece of business, or anybody else with whom you'll likely have a long-term bond.
Now watch how that person treats the waiter. Because in six months, that's how that person will be treating you.
Yeah, cpg, I remember this and I'm not the "constant" that S-Az is.
Ok, so, whether in shorts/flip flops or a suit, I almost always BS and cut up with any waiter/waitress that is up for that kind of exchange. What does that say about me? I have no ulterior motive, either.
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I have no ulterior motive, either.
