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Well, I got into a relationship with this girl very young. She had two small kids, one 6 months old and one 1.5 years old. Now they are 4 and 5 and we broke up. We were living together and I was supporting her for the last 2 years.
But one year ago, she gave birth to my daughter. I got married around the same time. Now we are planning on separating within the next couple months after we finish with some obligations. What do you think the living arrangement should be? What are my responsibilities as a step dad? What do you think the right thing to do is?
Also, my gf is one who is not mentally on the same ground as everyone else and told me that its pretty much all or nothing. Take my daughter and take her kids or refuse to take her kids and she'll leave and go far away. I wouldn't put it past her.
Well, I got into a relationship with this girl very young. She had two small kids, one 6 months old and one 1.5 years old. Now they are 4 and 5 and we broke up. We were living together and I was supporting her for the last 2 years.
But one year ago, she gave birth to my daughter. I got married around the same time. Now we are planning on separating within the next couple months after we finish with some obligations. What do you think the living arrangement should be? What are my responsibilities as a step dad? What do you think the right thing to do is?
Also, my gf is one who is not mentally on the same ground as everyone else and told me that its pretty much all or nothing. Take my daughter and take her kids or refuse to take her kids and she'll leave and go far away. I wouldn't put it past her.
If you are talking about taking them for visits with you on outings. But legally, you don't have any rights as far as taking them to live with you or register them in school unless you obtain guardianship if mom agrees to that.
I think the right thing to do is take her kids too if its just for visits with you. You don't want them to feel abandoned.
I went through the same thing with my ex husband and my daughter from a previous relationship and his son from a previous relationship. After we divorced he completely stopped being involved with my daughter. Well, we have a daughter together and my daughter from my previous relationship felt sad because she wasn't going with her sister and once stepdad like she use to before he divorced.
I tried to explain the best way I could because there is still a feeling of abandonment. But once I was a new relationship, I waited a year to introduce my girls to my boyfriend. It's working great now but it took time.
But it depends on the situation, if you ex is going to use them as a tool to control you, I would just speak with them talking in a age appropriated way and continue to make them feel special. But in the end, you don't want to get into a relationship, break up and your daughter had a strong relationship with your girlfriend and she feels the same way or even your ex having the same thing with your daughter. It hurts the kids.
They shouldn't have to deal with adult issues because there's enough hurt to go around for the adults already. I know it's easier sad then done but you can at least say you tried. Good luck to you!
Well, I got into a relationship with this girl very young. She had two small kids, one 6 months old and one 1.5 years old. Now they are 4 and 5 and we broke up. We were living together and I was supporting her for the last 2 years.
But one year ago, she gave birth to my daughter. I got married around the same time. Now we are planning on separating within the next couple months after we finish with some obligations. What do you think the living arrangement should be? What are my responsibilities as a step dad? What do you think the right thing to do is?
Also, my gf is one who is not mentally on the same ground as everyone else and told me that its pretty much all or nothing. Take my daughter and take her kids or refuse to take her kids and she'll leave and go far away. I wouldn't put it past her.
You are the only father your step-children have ever had.
How could you possibly think of just walking away from them now and only having a relationship with your biological daughter??
These kids are your daughters siblings - you can't just act like they don't exist.
PLEASE, continue relationships with ALL your kids - they need you l
It's really up to you heavenandhell...have you bonded with these children?..do you really love them?...if you think she wouldn't care if you took her children, as well as your own...then to me it sounds like you might be doing those children a big favor if you did....why not keep them together if you can?
Well, I got into a relationship with this girl very young. She had two small kids, one 6 months old and one 1.5 years old. Now they are 4 and 5 and we broke up. We were living together and I was supporting her for the last 2 years.
But one year ago, she gave birth to my daughter. I got married around the same time. Now we are planning on separating within the next couple months after we finish with some obligations. What do you think the living arrangement should be? What are my responsibilities as a step dad? What do you think the right thing to do is?
Also, my gf is one who is not mentally on the same ground as everyone else and told me that its pretty much all or nothing. Take my daughter and take her kids or refuse to take her kids and she'll leave and go far away. I wouldn't put it past her.
Do the right thing ! Try to resolve your differences! Keep your family together, You are old enough to know what to do........Next it always helps, if you can help with the finances in the meantime.
Also, my gf is one who is not mentally on the same ground as everyone else and told me that its pretty much all or nothing. Take my daughter and take her kids or refuse to take her kids and she'll leave and go far away. I wouldn't put it past her.
This statement concerns me because it seems she is controlling and she will use the kids against you if you don't cater to her requests. You state that she is not mentally on the same ground. Can you explain that more? It's good to keep the kids together absent the mother's attempts to control your every move in life.
I have a former sister in law like that. If my brother has a new girlfriend, guess what, he can't see the kids. If he won't send her $100, can't see the kids. These are his step kids and his kids. He has a court order for his kids because she played those games too much. But he can't get a court order for his step kids which makes it hard.
This statement concerns me because it seems she is controlling and she will use the kids against you if you don't cater to her requests. You state that she is not mentally on the same ground. Can you explain that more? It's good to keep the kids together absent the mother's attempts to control your every move in life.
I have a former sister in law like that. If my brother has a new girlfriend, guess what, he can't see the kids. If he won't send her $100, can't see the kids. These are his step kids and his kids. He has a court order for his kids because she played those games too much. But he can't get a court order for his step kids which makes it hard.
You read between the lines. Yes, she is very controlling and she will most definitely play dirty when it comes to getting what she wants. I mean she is bipolar and unmedicated, manic and unmedicated, epileptic, medicated although she has often break throughs, and has a tendency to try and make me get fired from my job by missing work, being too unstable to watch kids, being an verbally and sometimes physically abusive wife and neglectful mother, EXTREMELY revengeful and makes alot of threats, pathological liar and very manipulative (also extremely smart, top ranks in all college classes, writer)... the list goes on and on. Pretty much the worst possible combination you could ask for, I feel more for the children than for myself. It's like every choice would come back and hit me 2X.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman
It's really up to you heavenandhell...have you bonded with these children?..do you really love them?...if you think she wouldn't care if you took her children, as well as your own...then to me it sounds like you might be doing those children a big favor if you did....why not keep them together if you can?
She's extremely arrogant and shes a fighter to the core. Very revengeful. She even told me she is not a fit mother and she says I am more stable than her. It is hard to bond with somebody's children when their parent is abusive. We have our close moments and our bad moments. Mostly, it feels like I am a babysitter and a father to my daughter. I only want to have my daughter, I am not really willing nor able to take care of 3 children by myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
You are the only father your step-children have ever had.
How could you possibly think of just walking away from them now and only having a relationship with your biological daughter??
These kids are your daughters siblings - you can't just act like they don't exist.
PLEASE, continue relationships with ALL your kids - they need you l
They probably do, but they have relatives. As much as it sucks to only take my daughter, it seems like that is all I want. I want the whole lot out and to be done with it. Yeah, I hope they figure it out but I really don't want to be a part of it anymore. Also, I'm their second father and will probably not be their last >.>
I often think about taking her away from their siblings and feel guilty but then I think about how their mother treats them all and how I would treat them all and I convince myself that my daughter would be better off without contact from them.
To the person who posted above me... I dont know if u misread or if i mistyped, but they are the same person.
Thank you all for your responses, keep them coming!
Last edited by heavenandhell; 05-10-2012 at 12:44 PM..
You will need to go to court to get any kind of custody arrangement and even then she will play games. If all she wants is for you to take all 3 for the day, do it for those kids' sakes. They are going to feel totally abandoned by the only father they know. It's not so bad for visits. Do the right thing, be the bigger person.
You read between the lines. Yes, she is very controlling and she will most definitely play dirty when it comes to getting what she wants. I mean she is bipolar and unmedicated, manic and unmedicated, epileptic, medicated although she has often break throughs, and has a tendency to try and make me get fired from my job by missing work, being too unstable to watch kids, being an verbally and sometimes physically abusive wife and neglectful mother, EXTREMELY revengeful and makes alot of threats, pathological liar and very manipulative (also extremely smart, top ranks in all college classes, writer)... the list goes on and on. Pretty much the worst possible combination you could ask for, I feel more for the children than for myself. It's like every choice would come back and hit me 2X.
She's extremely arrogant and shes a fighter to the core. Very revengeful. She even told me she is not a fit mother and she says I am more stable than her. It is hard to bond with somebody's children when their parent is abusive. We have our close moments and our bad moments. Mostly, it feels like I am a babysitter and a father to my daughter. I only want to have my daughter, I am not really willing nor able to take care of 3 children by myself.
They probably do, but they have relatives. As much as it sucks to only take my daughter, it seems like that is all I want. I want the whole lot out and to be done with it. Yeah, I hope they figure it out but I really don't want to be a part of it anymore. Also, I'm their second father and will probably not be their last >.>
I often think about taking her away from their siblings and feel guilty but then I think about how their mother treats them all and how I would treat them all and I convince myself that my daughter would be better off without contact from them.
To the person who posted above me... I dont know if u misread or if i mistyped, but they are the same person.
Thank you all for your responses, keep them coming!
All I can say is, you better hire a lawyer right away.
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